How do you guys if?

your fiance is hesitant to marry you..you not give her engagement ring,you're living together for 2 years then all of a sudden you want to get married now you bought her a set of wedding rings..but she is hesitant to get married,cause for some reasons you've done something to make her feel doubtful..you love this girl so much and you feel as if you're lost if she goes away..all she talk about now that you're getting married are doubts,are we going to last long or she doesn't feel as secure as she used to..

how do you feel,would it make you hesitant too? or would you start dating other people? or would you go with the flow or would you just break up with her.you really wanted to marry her badly for some personal reasons..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If she didn't want to get married, but still live together, and love each other, and have the same kind of relationship we do now; then I don't see where the problem is?

    Why would I EVER end a relationship with a girl that didn't want to get married? If she still loved me the same and still wanted to live together and go through life together (just not married), then yeah, there's no issue; we'd both stay.

    Now if you mean that she doesn't want to get married, because she doesn't know if she wants to be with me, and she's already planning her own exit; that's a totally different story.

    If that's the case, then like other guys have said; that's the point of getting married. It's irrational to rush or force marriage onto her just because I want her. I want someone who wants me just as much as I want them. If that's not her, then she's not the person I want. I'm not going to try and trap her into a situation where she's legally and financially trapped there against her will, even though she doesn't want to be there.

    If she doesn't want to be with me by choice, then there's no point in trying to get her to be with my by marriage.

    People are not slaves. They have their own needs and wants, and their own free choice on doing whatever is within their power to maximize their happiness in life. It's morally wrong of me to try and pressure her to do what "I want" and what would "make ME happy", if it's not something SHE doesn't want to do.

    If she wants to leave, then it's clear that given all the men that she could have next to her; I'm not the one that would maximize her happiness. Or maybe she's just happier alone. It doesn't matter. That's her choice, and she's free to make it and act on it despite what makes me happy. The way I would cope is by realizing that if I'm not the man that would maximize her happiness; then "I" wouldn't be happy next to her either. So none of us have really lost anything. We've just saved ourselves a lot of time, better invested on finding the right person for both of us.

    If I was thinking irrationally and in a selfish way (ie. emotionally immature), I would be patient and hope that she would turn around and want to get married. I would then try and do things to make her change her mind (ie. to agree to how I'm thinking and what I want). And just like any emotionally immature childiss mentality, I would get angry "at her" for not conforming to my thinking and "her free choice" being something that doesn't cater to what "I" want.

    If I was thinking in a rational and dispassionate way (ie. emotionally mature), I would sit her down and talk. "Not sure" is not an answer. You either "want to be together" or "don't want to be together". After she's made it clear; either by a direct answer or failure to say that "she wants to be together"; we would officially end it. Then, we would both take time to emotionally cope until we both start seeing other people.

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    • Hope all guys are the same thinking as you..

What Guys Said 3

  • If there are doubts, there won’t be a wedding anytime soon. Doubts are there for a reason. Is this the girl or guy I wanna spend the rest of my life with? Has this person cheated on me in the past and have I gotten over that yet? Do I see myself having kids? Is the money tight? Do I wanna live here or there?

    These are the first few thoughts that should go through your mind when getting married. Marriage has become such a f***in joke these days that people are merely enthralled with the idea of the wedding and being married without thinking of the actual work that is involved to keep a good marriage. The same goes for kids. Kids are great...until reality hits people that you have to actually take care of this expensive new human being.

    Put on the brakes...hold off on the engagement and work on the things that aren’t "fixed" yet. Don’t let family and friends dictate when you should get married. All the things you motioned would make me step back and say "ok...why do I really wanna spend my life with this person."

    B/c honestly ...do you wanna get married just to get divorced?

    PS: I had the same situation 4 years ago...was engaged and ret to marry. A big argument made me see reality and I ended the engagement and relationship and moved on. Because I knew that I could marry this girl (and she would temporarily change) ad the 6 mos later she'd be back to her old self. I didn't wanna get married just to be divorced 6 mos later. Hard decision...but the right one.

    PPS: I found someone after her a few months later and she was "The One". Been married to her for 3 years and have 2 kids w/her. My decision 4 years ago saved me and the heartache I would've endured. I'd rather make the right decison ...than the popular one.

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  • the problem is the guy is insacure and he thinks getting married will give him security he needs. don't get married help him work through his insacurities and then get married if you make it through.

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  • I'd put the engagement on hold, sit down and talk to her and work together to try and make her feel more secure. A lot of marriages fail so it's important to have a strong relationship that's open and has good communication before it becomes a marriage.

    It wouldn't upset me, id appreciate her honesty.

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