I know my boyfriend isn't the one - what should I do?

I love him and our relationship is perfect, but I don't feel that intense passion with him, so I know I can't be with him long term, or think about marriage. Problem is he is 27, Im 20, so Im worried his mind is on marriage or he hopes that's where were headed. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hope you are aware of the fact that nobody is perfect but surely there will be a guy who will be perfect for you. Hence in your case it seems like your boyfriend is perfect for you, note the word I said "perfect for you" not perfect by himself, because nobody can be 100% perfect, it's impossible. Everyone will have some or the other drawback in them, if they are not good looking then they will have good personality, if they are good looking their personality will not the equally charming, it can happen that a person has both the looks and personality and they are equally good, yet you will find some drawback in them still, the very fact that we are humans indicates we have flaws.

    I am not sure how is your boyfriend as far as looks/personality is concerned but you have said it yourself, that you love him and your relationship is perfect, so what is stopping you? I understand you don't feel intense passion with him, so regarding what exactly if I may ask? looks or personality? or both? You said you love him and your relationship is perfect so have you tried to find out the reasons as to why you don't feel the passion with him?

    Have you already decided that in long term you both won't work out together? What you should do?

    There are two things you can do here. One is you can either try to understand and find out the reasons as to why you don't feel the passion with him and see if you can work it out. Second is if the first option fails and you decide you simply can't do anything, then you'll have to let go of him, yes you'll have to break up with him. That would be your last option.

    The decision is yours. Good luck

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    • His looks and personality are great, he has the best personality and treats me better than anyone ever has. I was also in an abusive relationship previously so i felt passion through excitement, LOTS of ups and downs, whereas this is my first mature and SAFE relationship. By passion I mean the romantic chemistry/fireworks/deep deep love - there's affection and love but not so much passion, or something deeper than that. I want long-term, but I don't see it because there is no passion and weve only been together 8 months.

    • I understand you either feel passion in a relationship or you don't. I am not sure if you can can create passion, spark the passion in your relationship, but let's say if you could do that, won't you even try at least once?, I mean you should let such a guy go who is both good looking on the inside and outside (looks and personality).

    • Let her go man!!! This girl I'd a stuck up! And she had between asking this same question at least 20 times here and still can't take a decision...
      That poor guy is just waiting for a heart break and is wasting his time with her when he could actually could be with someone who really loves him and appreciates him...
      And not a bitch who loves being abused and can't stop comparing her ex with her boyfriend...

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it would be fair to talk about it with him, so that he knows where he's standing.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Look, this has nothing to do with him being "the one". There's not one single evidence that such thing even exists. So you should stop basing yourself in that concept

    That being said, if you love him and have a "great relationship" with him but it lacks passion , then maybe you two shouldn't be together romantically. Because it sounds to me like this is more like a friendship or even a brother-sister relationship. Which is a great relationship, but not in romantic terms, right?

    Sounds like you feel safe and confortable. You care for him and he treats you well and everything. But this is hardly enough for you 2 to remain together as a couple. If you realy feel the way you feel, maybe the best thing should be to break up. I know you dont want to break his heart, but this is how life is. Things don't workout sometimes and we can't lie to ourselves to make it sound like it is working out. If he is as mature as you describe him he will understand and eventually learn to deal with it.

    One of the mistakes people make is to date/marry their best friends seeking safety and confort. But these people often end up miserable, with a life without excitement or taste. You don't want to stay with someone for "safety" while you see the excitement of life passing through you, and missing the opportunity to explore it and adventure yourself in it, right?

    Don't be one of those frustrated ladies growing old daydreaming about the life they missed.

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  • It depends on both of you, maybe there's room for a downgrade to a healthy friendship or maybe it's best to go your own ways.
    Or maybe you can find something together that ignites the flame and brings the passion you're missing now :D

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    • What can I do to ignite the flame? We still have enough feelings where being friends wouldn't work, and i care for him a lot so I dont want to break up. I jst want to feel that passion with him and I could honestly see him in my life for a very long time.

    • Maybe try to change the subject of the discussions to what your long term future together could be.
      Try to find a long term goal that you would both feel good with. Having a goal to work towards, and both investing time and love into it (and into each other) will make you much stronger as a couple.
      It will make your life together feel like love and teamwork at the same time :D

  • Ahhh women get a life!!! Get the fuck off gag! I think you are a cat fish! Or a troll...

    You have asked this question to many times now... Please stop trolling

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  • No guy is ever thinking marriage unless he's an insecure sap, so I think you're safe.

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  • tell him to hit the road jack.

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  • Move on, sometimes it ends but that's the way it is.

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  • If you know he's not, GET OUT! Do not lead him on

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  • Your best to move on if things aren't there with him

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  • If your relationship is perfect and you love him then I dont see why you would leave him. maybe your uncomfortable with the length of time you've been with him and your afraid of commitment. I would just stay in relationship since you like basically everything about it.

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  • sounds like you really want a bad boy i bet

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    • i had a bad boy and it didn't end well, it was pretty abusive, so i don't know if it's my head because it's messed up from that experience and i confuse passion with excitement.

    • exactly, when you were with the bad boy it felt exciting for you, and now that you're with a guy who actually respects and treats you good, you're bored. Pretty typical

    • Don't feel bad about seeking excitement. There's nothing wrong with that. Life is supposed to be exciting. About exploring and adventuring. And this is what causes passion. A guy can be respectful to you while seeking passion and excitement with you. If you give up passion you'll end up an old, frustrated lady, resenting the decision you made in the past.

      And besides not all the bas boys are literally "bad". We have people who are just selfish and don't care about others. But we also have thosewho are revolutionaries or rebels in a way that they are unwilling to accept the stablished or what comes form above. Some people see further and give little importance to traditions. These are also considered "bad boys" but they are actually the ones who make the world go forward. Much more exciting than the typical "nice guy"/"relationship material" which is often moralist, insecure and bitter.

  • Stop wasting his time and break up.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Leave him. It's not fair on you and it's especially not fair on him to let him carry on believing there maybe something there.

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  • you should leave him.

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