I'm worried that my boyfriend is too clingy for me. How do I solve this?

Don't get me wrong. I love the attention at times, yet I feel a bit too "touched out." We have been going out for about 3 months now and he is an absolute sweetheart. Yet, I feel I'm just not the very attentive sort. I adore my own space and my own self time. Just how I've always been. Now, him on the other hand... well he needs to be near me at all times. Touching... hand holding... cuddling... texting consantly (I leave to go home and I get a text not ten minutes later saying he misses me.) Now, I am a woman... I LOVE THIS STUFF... but I feel I'm being... well sufficated. I'm a very lite sleeper and love my own space when sleeping. But he has to hold me! Plus, well... he "gropes" me quite a bit. He is my boyfriend, I shouldn't mind it. Yet, it's ALL THE TIME. We can never just lay next to each other without him putting his hand down my shirt or down my pants. I'm no virgin and yes we do have a sexual life, but this makes me feel... itemized. I've been very vocal on how I just don't feel comfortable with that much attention and he gets really upset. He says, "how if some one cares for me why do they not want to be as close as possible with me?" A bit of back story... my boyfriend has been married twice. Both times the girl was horrid. So... he tends to be a bit sensitive. Trust me I've grown to care very deeply for him. He is very sweet and has been the most kind of any of my past relationships. He showers me in gifts (no I didn't ask for them), he has his life together... All he wants to do is care for me. Yet, the obsessive attention has become a mayor problem and I can't say how I feel without hurting him. (He has broken down in tears a couple times.) He even gets upset that I don't talk on the phone with him long. How can I when he just was texting me five minutres before? Is there any suggestions in resolving this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ohhh, this one is so tricky. Do you love him, and do you really want to be with him? I think this may be fixable with some good communication, but ultimately, the problem seems to be down to having different preferences in how touchy-feely you want to be and how often you would like to be in touch. Even if he can intellectually understand that just because you do not desire as much contact as he does, it doesn't mean that you don't care about him, will either one of you really be happy long-term with not getting your preferences met? You can try to compromise, but I think you really have to think long and hard together on what exactly is still comfortable for each partner while fulfilling the needs of the other. I think if you sit down together and talk about this, maybe you can try to find some compromise and see if it works for you - like agreeing that you sleep in the same bed every night and can cuddle, but it can't be sexual, or that you can hold hands while you go for a walk - but you will be the one to initiate it. Good luck and I hope you can work it out!

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What Guys Said 8

  • balance is key, its obviously too much for you. tell him you are feeling suffocated and you, in fact, do enjoy space and solitude.

    and tell him you don't appreciate all the other shit he does that you don't actually appreciate, communication is important. use it.

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  • The only way to solve this is by making him understand your perspectiv, making him be able to picture the emotions that are caused by the excess bugging. Feeling itemized is incorrect assessment, though. You are a lucky person to have someone who is infatuated with you. But he has to moderate himself a bit. The phone stuff is just too much.

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  • This may sound silly but try developing a weekly schedule for when you get together, when you talk on the phone, etc., and then stick with it.

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  • Tell him you don't want to have too much of a good thing. You just enjoy your "me" time. That really shouldn't offend him.

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  • Most men have no idea about what space is and how much women want it...

    There's no chance your boyfriend reallises it, unless he does.

    Women should make 70% of contact. That way she has plenty or room and time to miss her boyfriend or whatever... fact.

    Other than this, there's not much advice I can give.

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  • Do you have any friends, tell him you need time with them and as for the bedroom tell him you are sometimes too tired for cuddling.

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  • Yay, you understand that clinginess is subjective.

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  • punch him in the face, cheat him with his bes friend in front of his eyes, still his car and leave.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Wow there is some truly terrible advice going on here...

    The fact is you have 1 of 2 options:

    1) you ditch him

    2) you put up with it.

    No amount of talking is going to change this man. I have news for you, his exes were probably not that bitchy. He most likely smothered them until they lost the plot too and so tells you they were just horrible and he was only ever nice to them...

    Whats more is once he gets a ring on the girls finger he will be controlling. I know this guy as he sounds identical to my ex who used to trawl my phone bill once we were engaged and asked for my internet passwords. So its up to you if you love him or love how he treats you as they are 2 entirely different things. If you love him you may be able to stick it out, however if you love what he does, you will go nuts.

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  • Just let him know you're someone who needs alone time. And that you sleep better without constant cuddling, and that you don't like being touched and groped constantly.
    Be clear.
    Tell him you love him and how wonderful he is to your life, just, sometimes you need him to let you breath a little more.

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  • Just tell him he has to ask you before he hangs out with his mates incase youve made plans , he will won't to hang out with his mates and give you space just to be spitefull and take hos man card back !!!

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