Do you feel bad for not liking an unnattractive yet nice person?

I have male friends who are really sweet yet unattractive. I really want a boyfriend but I don't want to date these male friends because of their appearence. Yet, ironically, I feel more attractive guys feel the same about me. Does anyone else begin to feel guilty about being a little superficial? Is it really my fault that I'm not attracted to them?

  • No, I'm just not attracted to them.
    57% (37)59% (41)58% (78)Vote
  • Yes, I feel like I'm being superficial.
    32% (21)22% (15)27% (36)Vote
  • No, I date people regardless of appearance.
    11% (7)19% (13)15% (20)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Somewhat. If they are sweet and great personality-wise, but I just can't get past their looks, then I do feel a little bad. Because they do deserve someone. But on the other hand, it's better to reject them than lead them on. Forcing yourself to have feelings for someone does not work.

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    • Yeah! Like my friend, he's a real sweetheart. Just the other day, he saw me with eyeliner for the first time and goes "Hey, your eyes look really pretty". Guys don't usually say that! He's two years younger than me and he's just like a little brother to me. Like he's nice and smart and a real funny kid but he's chubby with glasses and has these weird duck lips and I just can't bring myself to like him romantically. Even though I'd love to have a boyfriend, especially one as sweet as him, I just can't. It makes it even worse that he always talks and jokes about how fat and ugly he is (but I know he's being serious). It really breaks my heart.

What Guys Said 22

  • Do you give equal importance to personality? It's not very clear from your post, but I think you do give importance to personality but also give importance to looks.

    Okay, just asking you desire to have a guy who looks very handsome and also has an excellent personality?, it seems you give importance to looks and what you are saying is not wrong at all. It seems you have some standards. That's good. There is nothing wrong in giving importance to looks, looks are important. If you want a guy who has both excellent looks and personality, it's going to be difficult to find a guy who gives you both however it's not impossible. Hence, you may have to wait for some time or for a long time, hope you are prepared for that. Don't worry you are not superficial, a person is known to be superficial if they give importance to only looks and if they judge the person based on looks alone, but if you are giving importance to both looks and personality then you are good, you are not superficial.

    It's not your fault that you are not attracted to them, you can't force the feeling of attraction.

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  • I have never dated, and I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to. There just wouldn't be anything in it for me.

    I don't feel bad for disliking bad pop music even though the mass population of he world loves this fake music. There is nothing in pop music for me.

    Everybody is attracted to so. ething, not everybody is attracted to the media driven bullshit that you will almost never see in real life.

    If the media/television always had the most attractive people with the most attractive bodies or whatever, why do they always try to change the way they look or change their clothing styles, they should have found the best clothing and would have picked one race or one body type of look for and you would never see different people on TV, just people who looked the same and spoke the same and all that.

    I can't like someone if I am not attracted to them, and attraction could be considered a talent someone has that you respect, it isn't always about looks. So no I do not feel bad.

    I would go back and edit some of this to have it make more sense, hut I'm on mobile and its difficult

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  • Romance isn't just about some cerebral experience. It's a combination of nice thoughts about another person and a desire to rip off their clothes and have hot, crazy, passionate sex. We are animals and that's how we are wired. Settle for anything less that lustful physical attraction and you are cheating yourself.

    Don't feel guilty. This need we have is not an option that we special ordered. We came from the factory wired this way.

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  • When I was in high school , I was attracted to mostly extremely beautiful girls. There was this one girl who had severe burns over her face and body. I always thought it would be difficult for anyone to be attracted to her , but I never let it show , I met her many years later and got to know her and I found her beautiful, maturity and life experiences will do that. We became intimate and she was amazing as a lover and a person, she could not accept that I found her beautiful ( in a very respectful way) Did I feel bad for my feeling back in High School , not then , but later after knowing her I did.

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  • Don't worry about it. It's normal to be as shallow as you are.

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    • Im not shallow!

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    • Whatever. All trolls like you have so called "good intentions" but at the end of the day, you're still a troll. Online. Typing away, saying whatever you want because you an hide behind a screen. You knew your intentions when you decided to comment like that and they weren't to be non judgmental or to be friendly. It's people like you that ruin sites like this.

    • I'm sorry, but you are taking this way too personally... I guess I should just stop talking if it just keeps upsetting you.

  • I don't date them, but I'm still nice to them.

    LOL, one time I had been being really nice to this woman who worked at the cafeteria of the company I used to work for - the reason I was nice to her was because I felt sorry for her for being so ugly! Then one day she made a special point of mentioning her husband and I realized she was thinking I was interested and was hitting on her!

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  • Nope.
    I am honest to myself and honest to them.
    My conscience is clean.

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  • There's nothing that can be done about it. It would be worse to force yourself to date them because your lack of attraction would cause problems in the future much worse than just not dating them. Gotta find people that you find pleasant to be around that are also easy on your eyes.

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  • Nope, and why should I?

    I mean, it makes more sense for you to feel bad since, typically, women are more attracted to ability vs. appearance, but if they're proper mingin' then I guess there's really nothing to save them.

    Are they just sweethearts, but aren't actually strong/independent/leader like/capable? I feel like it's more than just their appearances that are making you repulsed, and has more to do with them having a bit of a sissy demeanour (I could be wrong, though).

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  • yes i feel like an ashol likin appearance more than personality
    but i do have some unattractive friends and they're very nice
    however some times im attracted to unattractive perdon because they are super nice
    jus gotta spend time with them
    looks only get you so far

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  • I'm not gonna lie, yeah, I do.

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  • I can't force myself to be attracted to people I find unattractive no matter what they're like.

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  • i can honestly swear i give everyone a chance no matter the looks.. you never know thay could say something that makes you fall for them

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  • I feel guilty about it because I know they can't help a lot of it. But for the most part I know that if I tried it wouldn't work out.

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  • Everyone has their own tastes. You're doing yourself and the other person a disservice by dating them if you find them unnattractive. It'll only become a bigger deal later on.

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  • i wouldn't give a shit how a girl looks

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  • I've tried dating women who have awesome personalities but weren't that attractive. I really tried to rationalize, look deeper and "get past myself". Unfortunately this creates a subconscious struggle that isn't fair to her or myself. I find myself not wanting to get intimate/have sex with these women. It's just doesn't work.

    You have to find a compromise with personality and looks. Also all straight people (men and women) are concerned about what OUR KIDS will look like. We want good looking offspring so the desire to mate with an attractive partner is only natural.

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  • Guilty? No. Sad? yeah. I've met a lot of girls that were really sweet but couldn't bring myself to date. I've actually tried a couple of times and I just feel uncomfortable doing it. In fact it's easier for me to get down with unattractive people that aren't nice because then I don't worry about hurting them in the long run. Sometimes I really wish I could date girls I don't find physically attractive but usually when I don't they end up finding someone much better for them anyways. So no I never feel guilty because I know if I did date them I'd feel like a liar.

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  • I didn't vote because while I do feel bad, I don't think I am being superficial. Physical attraction is important in a relationship, it's not any less important than the other factors.

    Everything in a person has to come together. Looks, personality, reliability, etc. If a good looking person has a shitty personality, it doesn't work. If they're good looking and good personality but they're not reliable (aka lazy, no job, etc) then it doesn't work. And if they're reliable and good personality but have bad looks, that also doesn't work.

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  • You can't force attraction.
    But you can become attracted to someone you initially weren't attracted to.
    I can feel bad or uncomfortable if I have to reject someone... but I like to think I give people a fair judgement.
    I usually look at the package deal, rather than locking in on specific features or traits.

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  • I don't see appearance in a girl so i wouldn't know very few girls i wouldn't date ,

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  • I don't feel bad for them. I just hope they find somebody who feels the same way about them since they deserve it.

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What Girls Said 17

  • No, I don't feel guilty at all. You cannot force attraction. Well.. you could drink a lot of alcohol and that might help you find them hotter... until you sober up the next day. That has happened to me once, and I felt really guilty about it because I did find a sweet, nice guy really hot when I was drunk and kissed him... sober, not so much. He was very sweet, and sadly to me, also very unattractive.

    So no. Don't feel bad about it. You are either attracted to someone physically, or you aren't - if you are lucky, you might suddenly find yourself attracted to one of these nice friends one day, it can change. If somebody doesn't make your ladyparts tingle, they're just a nice friend though.

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  • I don't feel bad for not being attracted. Looks are the first thing you see about someone and are what makes you attracted to them. However, you'll get old and lose that attractiveness. But still, I won't go kiss someone I'm not attracted to. And no, I don't feel guilty for being superficial. Maybe these guys you hang out with just want your friendship, nothing more. Also, you have to fall in love with yourself before having someone fall in love with you. Just love yourself and what you do, don't focus on what other people want of you or what you think they want of you. Be what you want and do what you love. Theeeen, things will get the way they should.

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  • You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone unattractive.

    And those 'unattractive' people you say, they are really not unattractive, they are, but just not attractive enough for you. They might be in another girls or guys eyes, but not you, so it's not your fault. Some guys you like aren't favourited by others, and others choice of guys aren't your choices.

    Different people are attracted to different people.

    Like a magnet, not all people will stick together.

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  • No. It's not my fault that I'm not attracted to them. I'm not going to date someone that I'm not even slightly attracted to.

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  • No I wouldn't feel bad for them. They are a human just like me and they're allowed the same rights as me. If they wanna like someone, they have every right to like them as human beings on equal ground. I wouldn't want someone who was more attractive than me to find out I like them and they feel bad for me. I'm not above anyone, so no I wouldn't feel bad for them.

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  • I do feel bad... but then I think to myself how it doesn't make sense. I wouldn't be doing anyone a favor building up false hope.

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  • I've never turned down someone because of looks, but it definitely contributed to my interest and effort in the beginning. So that may have caused something romantic to never form.
    If you aren't attracted to them, then you aren't attracted to them
    Everyone has their own standards of beauty and what they like.

    I've felt bad when I lacked interest due to looks, but that's what i was solely going on. I didn't know them. Have i grown to find someone more attractive the more i got to know them? yes
    It's just something you've got to live with though, bc it will continue to happen in life.

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  • It makes me feel superficial. But I would date an average looking person... below average it's kinda hard for me.

    But... I could date anyone who is funny.

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  • You're exactly right, it isn't your fault that you aren't attracted to them. You can't choose whether you're genuinely attracted to someone, it's just something that you aren't in control of, so you shouldn't feel guilty about it. When the right person comes along, you'll know it in your heart.

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  • Sometimes it makes me wonder but at the same time, you can't do anything about attraction

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  • Yeah sometimes. Its a pity thing I guess. But I dont lead them on intentionally or anything. If I'm not attracted, can't happen.

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  • There's at least two or three boys I know that have given VERY non-subtile hints they're romantically interested, but I'm very reluctant to tell them that I'm as straight as a circle. I don't mind being friends with them though, but I do feel terrible about not having the same feelings towards them.

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  • how i look at that, if you're not basing your entire attraction on their looks, you're fine. do NOT be ashamed for what you are or aren't attracted to. while most people say its "vain," there absolutely has to be at least some physical attraction for a relationship to work. of course, over time, you look past that but i think you understand what i mean.

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  • Why date someone you're not attracted to? You're leading them on.

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  • No I totally get you

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  • Nothing wrong with having standards :)

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  • No body should feel bad about not being attracted to someone. Just because you don't find them attractive doesn't mean they are ugly or anything, it just means they aren't your type which is normal and fine.

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