How can I reach happiness?

Hey there, thank you for reading ! :)
I don't know which category I should post this, then I'll do it there. If it's not the right place, kindly indicates me which category fits better my post.

Lets get into serious stuffs.
As being 21 years old that never went on a date or took a girl's phone number.. it is kind of depressing at this point.

I have accepted the fact that I am insecure, and that I horribly lack of confidence. I can't do anything to overcome those issues, yet. Thus, as for the time being I'll more focus on myself in another way than the love life.

What can someone do to be happy? I just finished my summer classes, and I am on vacation for 2 months.
Need some plans for this summer.
If you believe that I should rather take this vacation to improve myself, as overcome my lack of confidence and insecurities then I'll do it. Kindly, tell me what should I do in thay case. Your guidance is really important.

Otherwise, I can spend my time on something else. Still, you'll have to come with ideas.

Either way I'll need some help to overcome my problems, and some plans for the rest of the summer.

Thank you! :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to be willing to improve on your negative qualities in order to achieve happiness.

    You have to come to a point where you are self contented and accepting of all of your flaws (that cannot be changed).

    www.realsimple.com/.../10-ways-happier

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    • Thank you for your advice. I'll do my best to work on myself during this summer, and eventually be happy as much as possible :)

    • :) No problem.

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's actually easier than it seems but it takes a lot of time. I'll make of list of things that help
    1. Appreciation. Take time to focus on the things you do have and appreciate them as often as possible. Your hands, your legs, your brain, your cellphone, the grass. Our brains are problem solving machines so unless you take the time to recognize good things you'll only focus on the problems in your life
    2. Meditation. It's a weird one I know but trust me it helps. Try and sit still and let your mind only focus on breathing. It's hard as hell at first. Why? Your brain from morning till night is working constantly. Of course you feel sad. You're fatigued. Try and take time to learn how to focus and simply let thoughts pass on through your mind sometimes without entertaining every single one of them. That's meditation. You don't need to sit a specific way or chant certain words. Those things aren't essential they're just aids for some people. Just take some mental relaxation time and breathe. It helps you Understand your thinking habits and replace bad ones with good ones.
    4. Acceptance. I put this after meditation because In the process of learning how to deal with and let go of thoughts you learn how to simply accept the uncomfortable parts of life. Often times the things were worried about aren't as important as we think and if we'd only simply go ahead and feel sad without all the extra thinking and worrying about escaping the sadness we can calmly return to normal. We learn to accept things out of our control as well as learning how to separate our emotional state from the world.
    5. Perception. Emotions are motivators that arise from perception. Our perception is heavily grounded in our understanding of the world. Because we only can see the world we are always plagued by our biases. Identifying and addressing these biases help a lot.
    6. Self efficacy. People often teach that confidence is about believing in ones ability to succeed. I disagree. From my understanding it comes from ones understanding of failure. When you learn to place failure in the context of the rest of your life the fear diminishes. For example you're afraid of being rejected by a girl. What if she does? You feel sad and over some stretch of time you learn something new and eventually recover. Failure isn't permenant and usually teaches you something.
    7. Altruism. Happiness is hard to reach when your busy focusing on fixing yourself. Trying to be happy is a paradox.

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    • Thanks for your help. I'll to do as much as I can from the list you've mentionned. However, the meditation thing is kind of difficult as for what I imagine it to be. Nevertheless, I'll try it for sure :)

    • It's a weird one lol. You kinda just try to think about breathing in and out and not doing anything else. Best to start with 5~10 minutes every few days or so. It's actually pretty hard to do 10 minutes at first seems like an eternity. Then the more and more you do it the more you kinda understand it. Soon you can sit and meditate for 20 minutes then an hour then 2 hours and then you just start doing it randomly. I wouldn't have even cared to try if it wasn't for learning about Matthieu Ricard. He's a French microbiologist turned Tibetan Monk. He along with most Tibetan Monks tend to score much higher than the average population when it comes to brain activity associated with positive emotions. Mattieu despite not being the happiest guy before hand is actually a statistical anomaly now. I thought yeah right at first but any study I've found about meditation is linked with higher abilities to focus and more frequent positive emotions. Look up brain plasticity if you're science inclined

    • Wow this is quite interesting, I never knew that meditation has such impact on people's lives. ^^

What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • When you are insecure and lack confidence, this can put a big hing in your life. There are things you should be doing and don't, and things you shouldn't and do out of fear. For that is where it all comes from, these insecurities, is one of the most primal emotions we all have: Fear. You're afraid what others think (including girls), you get down on yourself thinking you aren't good enough or worth anything. I know these feelings because I use to feel this way when I was in Jr High. But I had to work really hard to get passed all that negativity that I was building up in my mind. And I had to go to some extremes to overcome and work towards happiness. We all want to be happy and it is a pursuit worth working towards. The summer is an amazing time to get outdoors, and even if you're alone you can have a lot of fun. Every summer I make a list of five or six things that I want to do and I make plans to do them. Camping, water park, stargazing (usually during meteor showers), travel out of state, these are just a few I like to try to do every summer. I just got back from a camping trip and I went on a few hikes by myself and took a lot of alone time to think about things and my life. Do things that you want to do that make you happy. If you want to play the computer, grab some snacks and plug in. If you want to go jet skiing, get on the internet and find a place that does that and do it. Mix it up with things you like to do with things you've always wanted to do. As your your confidence, I usually just remind myself that I'm happy to be me, rather than anyone else. Building a good self image, looking in the mirror and thinking how handsome you are, placing your fists on your hips like superman, thinkining positively, though sometimes you feel silly, can make a strong improvements. Every time I get dressed up nice I do the old Ron Burgundy into sequence, usually yelling to my roommates at how good looking I am. It makes you feel better to say it out loud, rather than to be consumed by the voices in your head who quietly say you're not good enough. You are good enough.
    Just a quick tip for you and the girls, start talking to them. But don't start by asking them out. When you see a girl, just talk to her with no expectation and remember to not care what she thinks. Practice makes perfect and soon you'll be able to approach any girl with confidence and get the girl. Don't push yourself, just move at your pace and remember to tell yourself how awesome you are.

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    • Thanks for your support. It is true that I always feel judged despite the fact that people might even talk a little, to nothing about me lol. I'm overthinking stuffs which makes it even harder to me. For the time being, confidence is the key in order to reach what I really want.

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