Guys, are you all really so easy to intimidate?

This question has been bugging me for a while.

Why?

Well, I'm a 28 year old woman who cannot find someone to date to save her life.

My friends say it's because I'm intimidating. I have a great career (I do, I get to do what I love for a living--write.), I worked my butt off to get to where I am, and they think I'm beautiful.

Don't ask me. Like most women, my self-esteem is wayyyy below the crust of the Earth. Probably has to do with the whole no-dating thing :p

Men don't come up to me at all. Not in the gym, not at parties, no where. Which confuses me, because how can a guy be intimidated by little me (I'm 5' 2") if he doesn't even know anything about me? (My friends had an answer for this too--of course they did LOL they say I walk and talk with extreme confidence and that also intimidates guys. At this point it sounds to me like they're just coming up with excuse after excuse.)

I used to have a love life. Back when I was the aggressive one and always went after what I wanted. But, see, I'm no longer interested in doing that. I'm almost 30 and it's gotten old. Guys have no idea how sexy it is when they go after the girl they want. I'm ready for someone to pursue me instead of me having to pursue them.

So back to my question: can an "attractive", successful woman really scare ALL of you away?

I don't think so. At all. I, like almost anyone in my position would, feel that there's really something about me that is so unattractive that men just don't bother, but I figured I'd ask the question out of curiosity.

  • Yes, we get intimidated easy.
    40% (21)
  • No, the problem is really you.
    60% (32)
And you are? I'm a GuyGirls can not vote on this poll

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28

Most Helpful Guy

  • There is much more to this.

    First of all, 3rd wave feminism are ruining gender relations.
    It's almost a felony to approach a woman.
    Given a guy is in bad luck, if she doesn't like you, we're not just doing an approach... we're committing sexual assault or harassment.

    Second... it's not that guys are intimidated by independent women.
    They just don't appeal to us... let me explain.
    You see, we like women because they're different from us - we like you for everything we're not.
    Yes... we like that you're feminine.

    But women can't seem to put down the independence girl power trip in the relationship, and stop acting like men.
    And really... we don't want to measure dicks and compete with our girlfriends... we do that with out guy friends and our boss.
    Now why would we want to do that all the time?
    The more you're like men, the less you appeal to us.
    Switch it around, and you'll see the logic... you don't want a man who's more like a woman either.

    I'm not saying 'be submissive', that's not what it's about.
    It's about you being feminine, and letting us be masculine so we feel like men, who in turn can treat you like the amazing feminine woman you are.

    Get it?

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    • Well said, this is it right here. I am not intimidated by independent strong women at all. Its just women like this feel like my guy friends. I want the femininity in women, it was awesome, there was something about it that made me want to pursue girls like that. I would love a girl to be independent and strong but i just want to see her feminine side.

    • Oh and beers are on me, thanks man

What Guys Said 27

  • Seriously, what's the problem with getting what you want? What makes you think you can just be there being beautiful and men will come to you? Do you think we, men have it any easier? What else in your life did you ever had that you didn't have to work for? How did you get that high level job of yours? Did you just stay there being beautiful and someone gave it to you? Why would it be any different? You are a beautiful, sexy and powerful woman. Don't you think it is a bit intimidating? Can I really write a whole paragraph and make a whole point by only asking questions? ;-)

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  • What you describe is my dream woman to be honest. I love someone who can intellectually stimulate me, keep me on my toes, have an understanding meaningful debate above some tabloid. I also like girls with self confidence, I like a girl I can take to a party of friends I know and I can leaver her along for a few minutes and she made friends with someone new, not someone I have to babysit in new situations and feels we must do everything as a couple. I like a girl who is strong on her own before the relationship, which can make us way stronger together.

    So long as you are attractive, or at least cute, I would like that girl. I am tired of girls who just know this or that pop song and are just kind of working and doing things at the moment... I like the drive of a career. I think my wife and I will ideally both have careers we are passionate about while being great partners and parents as well, not some stay at home mom with no ambition (nothing wrong with that though for others, just not for me)

    And you are not old at 28 for goodness sake!

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  • Not at all because they are intimidated by you. They don't think you're worthy enough for the effort, time and sacrifices they put in, if you just sit on your couch and want "everything to be served on a plate". Aren't you yourselves "intimidated" by men because you are not pursuing them? It's already much more risky for men to pursue women than women pursue men (because if the woman doesn't like the man's advances, then society is eager to shout "sexual harassment"), but still they pursue women. And again, for dating, men are expected to spend money; for a relationship that leads to divorce, he loses his entire life's savings. Even for a simple dating -- if he asks a girl out and she says a rude "no", isn't he risking his own reputation, ego, and emotions (by feeling heartbroken)? So even those who answered "Yes", I think it's not the girl/woman that is intimidating to them, but it's all the efforts, risks and sacrifices. Most of them don't want to waste their effort and time in random girls who shows no interest and takes no actions from their side. But anyway, if you just want some casual dating, some good time together, or sex, I don't think it's hard at all to get a man. Don't you?

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  • There is nothing more fragile than masculinity. My partner is 20 and doesn't have a career yet but she's got a strong personality and men sense this and avoid approaching her. Yet she's super hot and it's not just me who thinks it. I know lots of women with her problem. Men are weak because we think we need to be strong and dominant and even the slightest threat to that makes us insecure. These guys will try and say it's you but it is us. Look for a guy who isn't afraid of a strong woman and you'll be better off.

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  • Guys aren't afraid if the 5'2" girl. Guys are afraid of the 5'2" girl who is a bitch to them for giving her unwanted attention and unceremoniously rejecting them in public. Big difference.

    Now, do you give off any sort of cues that you are looking to be approached or do you go through your day acting like you don't want anybody to approach you?

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  • Its 2015, why do you want men to pursue you. If you like someone pursue him, if he rejects you deal with it and move on. If you find no one, tough, find something else in life. Women confuse me. I just don't get it.

    I don't think many guys care about your career tbh. A career and confidence are the last things i look for in a girl. I often try to make a connection with her. No connection, then i move on, simple. by the way, why do you still want men to pursue you? This is assigning gender roles again? I hate this world we live it, i'm getting a time machine and moving back to the 60's. This sucks!!

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  • Guys simply steer clear of a successful, confident lady of your age simply because they assume you are already taken. It is wrong to make any assumption, and they should find out the facts for themselves. I'm convinced there are hundreds, thousands of guys who would love you to be their lady. Don't give up!!

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  • It has nothing to do with being scared. You sound VERY bitter.

    Let me explain, I own my own business and I am probably more successful than you. Let me say this, Men like me tend to prefer women of our class. However, I would want a woman that is agressive and goes after what she wants.

    Welcome to a man's world. MEN have had to DEAL WITH REJECTION FOR YEARS. You can barely do it. It amazes me how you defy gender roles and then ask for them back (the man pursuing you) and then call us scared.

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  • as an American i can chase if i want or not if i want, and women can do the same if they want

    I've personally outgrown the im scared to approach a hot woman phase- if she doesn't want to give me a try that's her choice i have plenty to offer even to someone more successful or more attractive than i feel i can really go after

    I've taken too long to learn that... for some reason... women like you who should have no self esteem issues at all, seem to have them.. so yeah, i'll approach you with style just fine, and someone else will too

    or you can go get em. dont make their excuse an excuse for yourself

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  • Without actually meeting you, it's hard to say what's intimidating about you. It's possible you've retained more of that aggressive attitude than you realise.

    In addition, you have a very high opinion of yourself and that can show to. That can all combine to create that attractive, successful, independent woman who seems to be daring men to try talking to her just so she can shoot them down for being unworthy. This sounds a bit weird, but it's true.

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  • It might not be you. You have to understand we don't know if a woman is single, interested, or even if she is looking for someone. It could also be that we just don't feel like pursuing, or we think they are out of our league. Maybe you have that look like you are just there to work out, and don't want to be approached or messed with.

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  • Depends on the guy.

    If he, "likes a challenge", then it's no problem.

    If he's more on the shy side, then you aren't even an option.

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  • well insecure women can definitely push me away, sad thing is most girls these days harbor a lot insecurity... dont really know why either
    i blame it on the media

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  • Maybe it's the class of people you associate with? I mean, if you're attractive, it's unusual that at least one man out of a large group has not approached you. I would have to assume that something is signally you r unapproachability, either in your dress or manner. Lots of very successful, very intelligent women are approached, dated, and married every day. Marilyn Vos Savant is married to Robert Jarvik, a developer of the Jarvik-7 artificial heart.

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  • They aren't intimidated. That's the real answer to your question.

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  • Not at all! What you described is something I'd be interested in. I'd love independent women. I don't get intimidated easily at all.

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  • No not really you are only another human being in my eyes whi has their own things ike hopes dreams, ffears and concerns. the fact that you may be attrative would not bother me and I would not become indimidated by anything you or another woman would do I have the pwoerto walk away or even ignore a person or situation and know this and have used it on several ocasions. but perhaps you seem to be pouring it on a tad thick and prehaps people may feel you are trying to hard? not saying that is the case but meerley an idea.

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  • Why are you waiting for guys to come up to you? Why not make the first move yourself? Ask a guy out or something. That's your problem.

    You can be "ready for someone to pursue you" all you want, but that won't actually make it happen. I know it sounds harsh, but either you take the initiative, or you end up alone. Your choice.

    You're not "entitled" to sitting back and waiting.

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    • Honestly, it just seems like you're lazy and don't want to take any risks, and you're hiding behind the "men are intimidated by me" phrase.

      Men aren't intimidated, they simply assume you're not interested because you're extremely passive.

      "I work for what I want"? Yeah, right...

  • Not at all

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  • Well damn, shame you live somewhere halfway across the world, I love girls that can handle their own biz.

    We all have been scared at point, but most of get over it. Don't let this thing bring you down though, you are very quality stock.

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  • It depends on the guy. I find those traits very attractive. Some guys aren't into that and others may be scared by it. It's all about finding the right type for you.

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  • when we see a beautiful woman, it can be hard to approach her and her reject us.

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  • Maybe just maybe you should post a picture and get a second take on your looks because beautifull women get attention left and right

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  • no dear hun oh mine. you are not intimidating... .

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  • I haven't had to pursue a woman since I was 20. I had my pick of the ones who were obviously interested in me and I'm not even particularly attractive. The world has changed and there are plenty of women who are willing to chase after the best men. You can no longer expect a desirable guy to pursue you.

    I say yay feminism! It made my life so much easier.

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  • If you don't approach guys and initiate conversations you should expect to be single. You can't expect just to be there and have guys asking you out.

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  • Why bother wasting time talking to a girl when I can use tinder and arrange three dates and a Fuck twenty minutes later in the same amount of time?

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