What happened to me that made me so joyless?

I am a person who is joyles. I don't feel any joy. I haven't in a very long time (last time i was a child). I don't know if it comes from the fact that i went through a medical issue (for about 5 years) in my teens ( it changed me as a person). Im 23 now and never experienced love, dont have many friends even tho i am a social person (i just dont trust or care for people), never had a boyfriend, or relationship. And nothing seemed to interest me (like i said im joyless). Why? and how can i change? and no i do not believe in therapy (its a bunch of bullshit).


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Joy is not an experience it is an action. Appreciation, accepting, and altruism. Take time to look at the good things in the world. Every night go to bed and list of at least 3 things good about that day. For example I'm thankful for the burrito I had today. I'm thankful for how easy fast food services have made acquiring food. I'm thankful for having a brain that lets me remember things. The list can actually get pretty long and if you want to do more do more but what's important is doing it everyday. Doing this makes a habit of searching for positives in your life. You soon learn that there's a lot in the world to love but for some reason the sad parts still won't go away so next is learning how to accept discomfort. There's many ways to do this but meditation is the quickest. I know your thinking but I'm not a practicer of that religion but the beauty is you don't need to be. Meditation is simply paying attention to one thing for extended periods of time while letting other thoughts pass. When people say time flies when your having fun what's really happening is the exact same thing that happens while meditating the only difference is at first meditating isn't fun. We spend a lot of time thinking and almost never stop and like our muscles our brains get fatigued. Meditating helps us slow down and let things go. Soon like the postive thinking you start using these skills elsewhere. Letting discomforting thoughts pass in your daily life. Lastly is altruism. The funny thing about trying to be happy is that it creates a paradox in your brain. You want to be happy so you see your lack of happiness as a problem. The problem makes you worry, stressed or sad that you can't solve it and as a result your unhappy. But altruism isn't about you. You get to step out of your own issues ending the cycle and focus on someone else's. It usually feels good and you feel good about yourself for doing it. I like to see happiness and joy not as a positive emotional state but as a confirmation that I'm doing well today But when it's gone I've learned not to panic but to simply wait it out appreciate the positives, put aside the worries for just a few moments and do something that may help someone else. It doesn't come easy but most things worth it rarely do.

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    • I should add that I've been depressed since about 4th grade and it wasn't until last year my senior year of college that I started doing things like this. Last year was the closest I came to a successful suicide attempt and if it wasn't for a nearby friend mistaking my attempt for drunken stupidity I would've been done. But this year has been the best year of my life and it just seems to keep getting better.

Most Helpful Girl

  • friends help.. and relationships too.. i would say you should socialize more.. and talk to new people.. meet new people.. sometimes you will laugh.. sometimes you will get angry.. or hurt.. or annoyed.. and sometimes you will become happy and you will laugh.. both cases at least you will feel something..

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What Guys Said 4

  • You and me both. It's really hard for me to trust people. I was lucky enough to find joy in competition though. And meditation and intellectualism.

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  • i feel a litle bit like you so i understand what u are feeling... just go get some joys in something u like and build up base on there

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  • Maybe you just hang out with boring people, do boring things and live somewhere boring.

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  • you seem depressed.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Anhedonia is the inability to feel pleasure. It's a prominent symptom of depression and a lesser version of depression, which is know as Dysthymia. That's just a generally low mood, day to day. It can last for years. You don't have to do therapy, but I suggest going to a professional to get an accurate diagnosis- just so you know what you're really dealing with.

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  • I think joy must have gotten sucked out of headquarters and is still struggling to get back. Hang in there for now and try to find the thing that will help to bring her back

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