Do you think it's ever right for parents to control their daughter's decisions on who she dates even if she's?

a legal adult (old enough to be financially independent, move out and make her own life choices) or is it more right for the grown daughter to make her own choices on who she should date, like a mature indepenedent adult?

The way I see it, even though the grown daughter has no legal obligation to listen to her parents anymore, I can somewhat understand why parents tend to be much more lenient on who their grown sons date compared to who their grown daughters date since most of us men (at least in my experience) tend to have common sense to distinguish between who's the right woman that is ladylike/mature and who's the wrong woman that is unladylike/immature and very rude.

Now some men and women tend to be deceiving with their personalities in relationships but women tend to fall for these tricks much more than men based on what I constantly hear all over the media and from people in the real world.

Anyways, do you think parents should still have the right to determine who their grown daughters should and shouldn't date or do you think parents who do this to their daughters are treating them like children and should let their grown daughter decide (like a responsible adult) for themselves on who they want to date?

  • Parents have the right over who their grown adult daughter chooses to date, regardless of how old she is.
    11% (6)20% (8)15% (14)Vote
  • The grown daughter should be able to make her own individual choice as a responsible adult on who she wants to date.
    84% (46)66% (27)76% (73)Vote
  • Other answers (share in your opinion post).
    5% (3)14% (6)9% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Plus, having a higher or lower IQ has very little to do with finding the right partner for you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, they shouldn't. She's an adult, meaning she gets to decide for herself. Even when she's just a teen or something, she should still get to date whoever she wants, as long as the guy isn't way too old for her or some kind of criminal.

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    • Also stop assuming that women are bad at picking partners just because of what you've seen in the media and such. Women on average have higher EQ than men, meaning they are better at analyzing people and their traits/qualities.

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    • Never knew there was such standardized thing as an "EQ". By the way, if it means "emotional intelligence", wouldn't it be "EI" instead of "EQ"?

    • Well it's technically emotional quotient.

Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all I have to say that middle paragraph about women was unnecessary and incorrect and I'm sure you've already heard plenty about why. Next, my mother's family is highly influential on who I and my cousins date. The individuals in that family have worked hard to create the strong social network that they have and keeping that network is extremely important to those involved. One bad gear can ruin that whole machine so if I date (or worse marry) someone bad for either me or the family I could risk isolating myself and potentially destroying something I rely on quite a bit. So I think that has a lot to do with it. When your family is critical of who you date it's not because they want to be controlling its because they want to maintain and potentially grow what they have. they spent years investing in you and this other person can either help or mutilate all of what they've done. And unlike friends this person has the potential to be permenant through things like kids. So it's a delicate balance between individual freedom and maintaining important complex social structures. People are always amazed at how ridiculously large my mother's family is and how happy/successful everyone is both together and apart. It's all because although we value ourselves we also value the family equally as much and when you know you've got a good thing you try your best not to jeopardize it. In my family the guys actually get a harder time than the girls because we're usually the ones that F up. Plenty of amazing women in the world but few hold up to the standards of the women in my family. I've been single pretty much my whole life. But the only girl I dated was the absolute best girl I could at the time and her Facebook didn't even pass the scrutiny. I mean she was pre-dent, gorgeous, hilarious, sweet and seemed like a perfect ten. Turns out they were right and soon after she ended up on drugs working at various restaurants like hooters, nearly dropping outta school, on medication for depression, with a tattoo of the baby she would've had with a jobless alcoholic guy 10 years older than her that she got pregnant by hours after meeting him, while I ended up with gonorrhea. Sometimes Fam knows best. So a right? No. A reason? Yes.

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    • I'm not saying this to bash women like a lot of the anonymous male GAG users usually do. I'm just telling you how it was in my own experience observing most of the women that I've encountered. Plus, I hear a lot of domestic violence reported by many women as victims (despite that studies have proven that men are far less likely to ever report being victims of domestic violence due to society not taking them seriously at all and only take the DV against women much more seriously)

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    • Just because they aren't heard doesn't mean they aren't there. The thoughts run through their heads and if the conditions were different and consequences were less harsh I'm sure they'd show themselves in real life. I see casinos as humanities big trolls. so many people think there gonna win and boom oh I'm so sorry all your money's mine now. Tabloids and reality TV. The heavily photoshopped beauty magazines and makeup companies. How are these not simply big trolls in disguise. The internets just a reflection of our society. It's just far more transparent because people are less afraid of the consequences.

    • Every word on the Internet was born in the mind of a human being. (Or I guess a program made by a human being)

What Girls Said 22

  • I think parents only want what's best for their children - whether they're grown up or still children...

    Taking this into consideration I believe adults can make their own decisions, but my parent's advice will always be with me and will sway who I trust and who I date.

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    • + what you said about how women vs. men distinguish between people they date: seems as though you think women are idiots.

      Nice.

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    • Kind of weird how hard you tried to avoid that word when you clearly wanted to use it...

    • Yea your a troll...
      Or one of those petty social justice warriors.. Which is basically the samw thin

  • Women are just as capable as men in finding suitable partners, so no, there's no need to coddle girls regarding their love life when they're perfectly capable of making their own decisions.

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  • Giving u advice and saying their opinion is fine but just because you don't like who I am with doesn't mean they have a right to break us up or disrespect my lover. It all depends on the reason they don't want you with this person tho, I mean if something like colour or that they aren't realigious then I would tell them to stop and that they have no right to do that but if it's something to do with have my lover is treating me or the way he is treating my family then yes totally I would listen to them

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  • She is grown up which means that she's old enought to make her own choices and parents need to understand that their daughter has grown (or is growing) and have some faith in her decisions. I'm not saying parents should blindly agree for whatever decision she makes, but they should support her if she thinks that she can get some good out of it. Parents should reconsider her choice\decision.

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  • They shouldn't get involved at all in my opinion, it makes me laugh when people are so concerned about their family liking someone, approving of their relationship or asking the dad for permission to marry their grown daughter, it's all so ridiculous to me lol.

    Unless the relationship is abusive, then in my mind they have reason to get involved at all.

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    • no reason*

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    • lol a lot of mom's tend to do that I think. My mom didn't even raise me but anytime i'm around her, she's constantly trying to control everyone and everything.

    • Yeah but I'm mean she'd actually try to get involved if I were ever put in an abusive relationship situation even if I'm the type of guy that refuses to victimize himself and rather try to keep this problem only to himself, lol.

  • No. Parents can give their two cents but they should not have absolute control over their adult daughters. That's just kind of sick.

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  • I think no just because the second girls get told they can't date someone they like... it makes them like and want to date them more.

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  • I don't think they should have absolute control over who their children date. But I will always take my parents' advice into consideration. Who better to take advice from than someone who cares for you deeply, wants you to succeed and be happy more than anything else in the world, and has plenty of life experience?

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  • How could the parents force the issue anyway if the daughter is legally and economically independent? For the record, I have seen no evidence that men are more sensible about whom to date.

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    • The amount of complaints from men about the women they dated shows that men also make the wrong choices in dating.

  • I refuse to let my parents partake in my love-life (or lack of lately). I keep it private because I am more open-minded than they are, and believe I have good head on my shoulders. If girls and boys want to make bad relationship decisions- like drugs and violence that is when it is moral for parents to step in and help out. Other than that, they should back off.

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  • Nah, but parents opinion isn't clouded by infatuation. So they can have some good points if your dating an asshat and can't knownlegde it.

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  • How about if the grown daughter exercises her own Independence and doesn't 'let' her parents dictate who she dates? You can be respectful of your parents and still politely decline their dating advice.

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  • I believe your parents shed more light on things that others don't.. they always seem to be right somehow, theyve seen a lot and experience a lot and they have an eye for those things.. they should not ofcourse forbid you but they have definitely every right to try and stop you ( not because theyre controlling you but because they love you and they see that you deserve better)

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  • Nobody should ever be able to have a say in who you date. You're your own person.

    I have the kind of personality where if my parents had EVER tried (or ever do try) to "keep me" from someone, that would only make me more determined to be with them, even if that meant sneaking around.

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  • I think its not up to my parents who I date. I am the one dating the person, not them. Who I date is my buisness and descion and not anyone elses.

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  • Parents are more lenient on who their sons can date, because women are seen as not dangerous even though they can be. People are easier worried that a man is abusive than a woman. Even though women can also be abusive

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  • No I don't however everytime that my mom did try to tell me not to date a guy for whatever reason she always ended up being right

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  • The parents can have an opinion. But untimately if she's grown (over 18) she should make her own decision.

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  • No, I don't think parents have the right to force their daughter to stop dating anyone.

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  • of course she should! many 13 year olds decide that by themselves, let alone 18+

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  • It's not really a matter of "do they have a right"

    It's more of an advice thing. If I were dating a really bad guy, I would obviously want my parents to advise me not to continue seeing him. Friends do the same thing.

    All my friends are 18 (I'm 17) and legal adults. I can still tell them their boyfriends are douche bags

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  • Is the girl in question of a different culture?

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What Guys Said 18

  • She's an adult. They can give advice, but that's that. She doesn't have to listen. They can't force her, or at least they shouldn't.

    I however vehemently disagree with your claim on how females are inherently worse at telling whether a guy is worth dating or not in contrast to whether a guy can tell if a girl is worth dating or not. Everyone can screw up, you don't have to be a girl for that. They might have to be a bit more vigilant (guys often want sex and nothing else; although there are girls who are fine with that too) but that doesn't mean keeping track is the parents' responsibility.

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    • I don't know, I'm just looking at it this way since the majority of parents look after their daughters on who they date much more than they do with their sons.

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    • "Well yes, because more guys are likely to murder their ex than girls, or maybe that is just inflated data"

      Tell that to the family members of Travis Alexander (who was brutally murdered by his ex-girlfriend, Jodi Arias).

    • I figured I was wrong somehow, I guess we should just teach kids to respect and see people as people

  • That is truly some of the most condescending shit I have ever read ! I couldn't even believe my eyes !

    Anyway, her parents opinion is only that, an opinion. She is an adult and has the last word. If she is incapable to decide for herself, then she deserves the guys her parents will chose for her.

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    • "Jesus Christ! I'm not asking this to attack women. I'm sharing MY OWN experience with the women. Therefore, I'm only speaking for MYSELF with my OWN experience. Not any other men or women.
      If you're gonna pull this bullshit gender war card on me like a lot of the keyboard warriors here on GAG do, then forget it. You can back off because it's not gonna work on me!"

      How about you try to use arguments instead? I maintain what I said.
      If you are only speaking as YOURSELF about your OWN experience, then why would you ask this question for anybody else since you know it only makes sense to you?

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    • So you come here, say out loud that women should be controlled by their parents because they are not intelligent enough to manage their own life and when I give you a different perspective just like you wanted, you tell me to get bent ! LOL
      You know what? I think you should let your own parents decide who you should go out with. At this point, I am thinking you must need a woman in your life to show you how stuff works.

    • WTF? Where in my question did I say that I agree with parents micromanaging their grown daughter's dating decisions? I said I can somewhat understand why parents tend to be more cautious of who their grown daughter tends to date compared to how they feel towards their grown son's dating choices. That doesn't mean I agree with that. I'm getting the impression that you either don't comprehend the English language very well, you're illiterate or you're just looking for a very patheticly small excuse to try to bait me into a senseless, heated debate (more like flaming) that I never planned on participating because you have nothing better to do right now.

      Let me make it easier for you. FUCK OFF!!!

  • If she's adult, it's difficult to control her once she has an income and moves to her own studio.
    Why parents tend to be much more lenient on who their grown sons? Double standards: Standards are good thus double standards must be twice as good.

    Of course, adult girls can do this:

    cyclonecindy.files.wordpress.com/.../...finger.jpg

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  • She should be able to choose who she can and can not date, and to be honest I'll be a bit strict if I can see my children are falling into a pattern of less than acceptable men and women. If raised right, they'll have common sense to see past the bullshit.

    By the way, are you trying to say women don't have common sense?

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    • Not necessarily implying that women have no common sense but but in my own individual experience, some parents tend to get a little lazy when it comes to raising their daughters and not teach them enough common sense and responsibility for their actions based on the girls that I've hung around with.

    • Glad you specified because I know many girls I personally go to for dating advice. A few of these girls are the very nice type who can be friends with anyone and when I like a girl, I admit I can be a little bitch. I'm just a little oblivious to who they might be. So these girls, who are really friendly, meet the girl I am interested in and tell me if it's a good idea. And every time when I got to know said girl a little more, these girls are right.

      Trust me, a guy can expose himself very quickly in and before a relationship, a girl can be a damn ninja with the guys and you'll not know she had three guys on the side the whole time you were together. Not saying all girls are like that, but just an example.

  • It really depends on what the situation is. the parents are going to talk about the guy and their daughter no matter what. if the guy is bad for her they will be able to tell, or if he comes from a bad place, or if the situation is very weird or complex they can t or at least recommend that she reconsider.

    Parents are going to say what they are going to say, they have lived longer and know more about the world no matter what anyone says. if the situation seems weird or dangerous then they should definitely do something.

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    • but you hope that you raised your kids well enough that they wouldn't go into weird or dangerous situations

    • Understandable perspective but I'm just curious on this topic since this seems to strictly apply to grown women and their parents. Now, it's not to say that parent should do the same for boys but just pointing out the differences and hearing from other people's perspectives.

    • I think it should be the same, I think that most people tend to protect girls more than guys, and a guy should be more handle of handling himself if anything happens.

  • "The way I see it, even though the grown daughter has no legal obligation to listen to her parents anymore"

    Much the same as the parents have no legal obligation to allow their grown daughter to stay in their house. So they have to reach a compromise: if she wants to stay living under their roof, she has to respect their rules.

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  • Most would say, oh parents shouldn't interfere in their daughters relationships, the reality is they do it, cause the social norm establish that girls are more vulnerable to be in an abusive relationship. Most of the times are the dads who over protect their daughters, the same thing happens all way around also.

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  • I think parents should let their daughters do more or less what they want when it comes to boys, but if the guy is sort of red flag-ish, they should move in. I know I would.

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  • When she is an adult (as in graduated high school), the parents should back off!

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  • After what I've seen high school and college girls do... yeah, even if a girl is a legal adult, she should heed her parent's words on who to not date. Granted, it should be a rarely used veto on parents' part, but girls are frequently idiots.

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  • a chick i was with in 8th grades dad decided that i wasn't good enough for her. she's really screwed up now.

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  • I chose other because the parent has the right to express his/her dislike for his daughter's choice in partner. Parents after all are always looking out for us. We may not like it but they love us. However, it's up to her who to choose.

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  • Only if its an issue of saftey

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  • yes... it is right.

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  • It's their choice, even if it sucks.

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  • I think a bit of both

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  • Grown up daughter should make her own decision but with the advise of her more experienced parents.

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  • Yes they do. She is there daughter athe they have to protect her

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