My boyfriend and i are both 24 and have bern dating for 2 years. I found out that he has been having lunch with his ex of 3 years that he broke up with 6 months before we started dating. They work nearby eachother and my boyfriend says they met up like 3 times. Im really hurt that he didn't mention this to me right away because to me having lunch with an ex is different than just a female friend that he never had feelings for. He said he didn't want me overreacting. What i told my boyfriend was when he said that it rells me that meeting up with his ex and her feelings are more important than your current gfs feelings when obvs it should be the opppsite. My best friend and mom both said that if it was innocent that he should invite me along everytime and that lunches or whatever with exs should be done as a couple. My boyfriend apologized and said he realized how it lookwd and sounded. Should i give him another chance or dump him
Most Helpful Guy
This isn't something to dump a boyfriend over, insecurities never are. Assuming he's telling the truth, for which there seems to be no reason not too, the main reason he didn't tell you was because of the very fact that this is the kind of response he was expecting from you. Now this doesn't in any way excuse the fact that he didn't tell you, that was wrong, but clearly for whatever reason he doesn't feel comfortable enough with you to tell you about these things and apparently that is because he expects you to overreact. He is responsible for being open about these things with you, but you, in turn, are responsible for giving him the room to do so, which you're not if you expect him to only spend time with an ex if you're there with him.
Moreover, you're misreading the situation. This has nothing to do with feelings his ex might have or him prioritizing those feelings over yours. That's how you're interpreting it because it's strategically convenient for you to do so in order to place full responsibility for the situation on him, while it seems to me like the reality of the situation is that the guy felt like he was stuck behind a rock and a hard place.
What I'm trying to say is: making him feel like he's being trusted is at least as important as trusting him. You're going to need both for any relationship to work.4
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Most Helpful Girl
It does seem kinda odd that he would do that. But honestly, it really depends on what type of relationship they have now.
I'm going to tell you a bit about my situation, and it will give you something to think about..
I was seeing this guy for just under a year, we were together and 4 months into the relationship I moved in with him. My lease was up at my old place and I had to move because the landlord wanted to renovate the space and use it for herself. I moved in with him out of convenience and the fact that I desperately needed somewhere to go.
10 months later, we ended up getting an apartment with one of his friends. It's a 3 bedroom apartment.
A month or so later, we broke up. It was a bad break up, he wanted to just meet different girls and have sex, and I wanted a more committed relationship. We could both see that it wasn't going to work out. He ended up dumping me, and it was hard at first, but I was locked into the lease so I stayed.
It hasn't been easy, but I can say now that we are just friends. We both have fought a lot and stuff, but our relationship now is much better. It's not a romantic relationship, but now just a friendship.
I am seeing someone else and he is also seeing other people. My boyfriend has no issue with it, as he knows it's purely a platonic friendship. I have no interest in being with my ex, as we have different ideas.
Now, in your situation, perhaps this guy truly just has a friendship. That is hard to know. I can definitely understand your concerns, I would have the same concerns. But just because he is meeting her for lunch, doesn't mean he wants to be with her.
It was only 3 times, maybe they are just trying to be friends? I'm not saying that you don't have a right to feel the way you do. Your feelings are definitely valid.
My advice to you is to talk to him about it and find out what their relationship is like. Just explain how you feel and why. I think he will understand. Don't accuse him of anything, just say it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe by talking to him he will understand where you are coming from and stop seeing her.
Or, maybe from talking with him he will be able to make you feel more comfortable. Perhaps his ex is seeing someone else. Maybe even suggest meeting her and having lunch together.0