Parents hate my boyfriend and treat me so bad to make me break up, what should I do?

hello everyone, Im 20 and have someone in my life for 4 years, we broke up once and I had another relationship. But during that I remembered that I still loved my ex boyfriend. My mom got so angry with me, saying that whats past is past, and my dad is so strict about me not having a boyfriend. They yelled at me and took away my phone and computer. My mom said if you marry him you won't see our faces again (Im 20..), they think he is ugly. "I won't SAY HE IS MY DAUGHTERS BOYFRIEND, POINTING THAT MONKEY FACE IN PUBLIC." Mom shouted, it broke my heart so bad. I love him, they laugh at me. My most trusted 2 people... They think he won't be able to get a good job, and I will be sorry for what I've done to my parents by being so strict about my thoughts and making them sad. I didn't want to make them sad, I love them but I go between losing my love or my parents.. What to do, help please thank you :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What do you mean what to do? you shouldn't have a doubt on this one? Ask yourself these questions. Are you sure that your boyfriend is the one for you? are you sure he will keep you happy if you marry him? are you sure he will love you till the end and are you sure you also love him equally? Do you really see your future with him?

    If your answers to these questions are yes then you shouldn't care what your parents think about the one you love, you must understand the love that you have for your parents is different than the love that you have for your boyfriend (the love between you two) and so there is no competition here, don't worry about what your parents what, what is important is what you want in life, it's your life, it's a question of your future so don't let other factors affect your decision. Choose what makes you happy. Now, I know you know your parents better than anyone but if I have to give you my view on your parents, I am sorry they are not the ideal kind of parents you would like to have, I mean what kind of parents won't care about their daughter's happiness? what kind of parents force, pressurize their daughter into doing things? From your post it's clear that you are being emotionally blackmailed, please don't give in to such blackmail, once you do there is no turning back, once they know they can control you by emotionally blackmailing you they will never stop, they will keep doing it, the only way to beat emotional blackmail is by having a strong will power and resistance. I am sorry for being blunt but your parents are just not the right kind of people, they seem to have total disrespect to your feelings, and towards your boyfriend, okay even if they don't like him there is a way to say that to you, to explain to you as in particular where they have a problem with him, but not like this, not the way you have mentioned in the post. Parents who care about their daughter's happiness will never behave like this, parents who truly love you, care about you will never emotionally blackmail you, will never force you into doing anything. You may hope that one day your parents will change but logically speaking it's highly unlikely that will ever happen. If your parents have always been like this, then they won't change and moreover it's not in your hands, it's not up to you. I am sorry if you don't like it but that's my honest opinion about your parents.

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    • Your parents are not alone, there are many parents who are exactly the way that you have described in fact worse than this, I am not sure if you are from India or not but Indian parents are by and large like this.

      Hence if you love your boyfriend, wish to continue your relationship, or get married to him in future, it's not worth waiting for their approval don't wait for their approval, if you keep waiting you can keep waiting there is every chance they won't give you the approval, just go ahead with it, you are an adult (hopefully you are) so legally they can't stop you. As you rightly you have to choose between your parents and your boyfriend, you can't both of them happy, that just won't happen not unless your parents change the way they think which I don't think will happen, so you need to make a decision one of them will be hurt, but do you really want to sacrifice the one you love for the sake of your parents, that too the type of parents you have? why would you even consider?

    • At the end it's your choice, you need to decide if you want to live your life in fear, doing things for the sake of your parents, living your life for your parents, doing things under emotional blackmail, under pressure? OR you want to be one of those who stand up to the situation who fight any sort of pressure that comes their way, and those who live their life by their own rules and for their happiness? You only get one chance at life.

      The choice is yours. It depends as to what you value in life, do you value your happiness? do you value the one you love? you need to decide.

      Lastly I apologize if any of what I have said was hurtful, I was just being honest and was trying to clear your mind. I am a very logical person so I apologize if you don't appreciate the way I write, can't help it, that's how I am.

    • Thank you so, so much for your long comment on this. I always believed that they were the best people zin my life. But today I told them that I needed a therapist. They said I really did, but they won't pay for one. I feel as if I am doing so wrong to them. Making them sad for a stupid reason, they make me think like this but no.. I can't give up :/

What Guys Said 4

  • Your parents can't be that mean

    There's has to be a reason there acting this way... they probably just want you to be with a guy that has a good future ahead of him

    And marry him? Well if there saying that you probably mentioned it so yea don't marry him lol

    Monkey face? Why would they say that, what's his ethnicity?

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    • Hahah it was not a racist thing :) they basically said that because they found him ugly. They are angry at me because they think I can't control my relationships and hurt peoples hearts

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    • Yea but you said your both lazy, so that means your both will be lazy together and no one will help each other to get out of that laziness

      He can treat you good sure, but doesn't mean he's a good influence. A homeless person would treat you like a princess too I'm sure

    • You are so right, I do not call us lazy actually, but we are not doing things to bring out our potential. My parents believe in me, but not in him. But I believe in him. he's one of the smartest people I've met. He just has to prove it in his exams etc...

  • You have to follow your heart. Ask yourself who do you want to remain in your life - your boyfriend or your parents. Because it doesn't look like your parents are people that you can argue with.

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    • I wish they would understand me. I dont want to make a decision. he's studying for examinations to have a better career than he has now (hes an engineer now but he wants med school), my parents think he's useless and just wasting time, I wish he gets to med school.. Maybe my parents can change after that :p

    • I wouldn't count on that...

    • Well, love made me stupid :/

  • Well i really think past is past so you have to move on... in real you can't have a new relationship and think about your ex

    It will ruin your life and your current partners life too... you either move on ir get back with your ex...
    About your parents? They are not very good people if they bring you down like that

    why did you break up?

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    • Because of my parents again :) we argued a lot in the past, I gave up once but now I regret it badly.. And my parents say Im being stupid by talking to him again. So they just did weird things like taking my stuff away from me and threatening me. It hurts, and my dad says 2 happy 1 sad is better than 1 happy 2 sad. What a sentence :/

    • Well your parents are selfish (no offence)
      Are you indian?

      You should follow your heart... and get back with your boyfriend if you want to... dont care anything about your parents as they dont care anything about you too...
      Thry are too selfish to see anything beyond themselves

    • That sentence really broke my heart since I know that they loved me too much. I just hope that one day THEY regret instead of me :/ and thank you for the advice :)

  • You're an adult. You can choose who you want to date.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Do your parents love you? Or do they love possessing you? Possessive parents often use passive-aggressive means to guilt-trip you, so that you will feel bad and give in to what they want. And if you choose to do what you feel is right, and things go wrong (because there is no such thing as perfection), they will say things like "I told you so" or "That's what happens when you don't listen to us" If your parents do love you, they would support what you do, and try to make you feel better when things go wrong. If you love your boyfriend, and he loves you, I would go choose someone who truly loves you. Things could go wrong, and maybe he could break your heart sometime in the future, that you won't know. But what you do know is that you are an adult now, and you have all the say in your decisions. And you can choose to filter out any shoutings and manipulations by people who you decide whether or not they actually love you. Best wishes for you!

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    • Thank you so much! That is what I tried to tell my mom and dad. I wanted to give him a chance but no. My dad doesn't let me have a boyfriend, and now my mom completely hates him and they pressure me to feel sad. Im getting emotionally traumatized. Going between them and my boyfriend.

    • You're not alone on this. My parents did that to me and my friends when I was younger. They'd let me "choose" my friends but badmouths the ones they don't like, while praising the ones that they like. Being young and naive, I believed them and hung out with the ones they like. I didn't know them well and we weren't even compatible as friends. Then when I got older, they forced me (well, they did let me "choose") to go to an all-girls high school, and for four years, I'd have no contact with guys (other than teachers) because they drive me to and from school, and tells me that I'm too dumb to learn to take the bus. If you can relate, it would feel like there is no way out. So anyway, point of this is to distinguish between parents loving you as you, or loving you as a possession.

    • Their love turned into a possession when they "realised" that I dont have a character yet, I think :/

  • you should break up your parent will always be here for you not your boyfriends

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  • Are you sure they are so against him because of his less than perfect looks?

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    • They also think that he won't have a good career, and he won't add something new to my life (shortly, they say he's useless..)

    • Why? Are you a student? How about him? Does he work or have a skill he can work with?

    • Im a student, he is too (studying engineering) but he left school (hes still there actually) to study for an examination for med school. My parents think he's just wasting time and tricking me about his career

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