How do you close when dating?

As in you are having a conversation with a girl at the bar, start asking quesitons about each other. I can do that pretty naturally actually. Then, I guess you'd ask them if they have a boyfriend, and that will give you the clue. But then, how do I go for the close? Do I just go for the kiss? or Gently stroke her face, say some bs "you have a great smile", then go for the kiss? How do you guys do it? Im talking about bar scenes here.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think a woman will absolutely make it clear she wants to be kissed. When I went on a date with a guy in the past, he would do something like shake my hand or hug me, and I did one of two things. In a handshake, I pulled his arm to me so I could give him a kiss on the cheek. In a hug, I was already at his cheek and gave him a peck. This way it was clear "I'm kissing you so you can kiss me back". Sometimes if the guy kissed my cheek back right away I knew it should have been a kiss. So instead of worrying about a close, look for signals from her like this or other things that let you know it's okay to do a little more.

    Also, touching her lightly in places like her back when you're walking out, or taking a feel of her hair are very simple ways to show you want more and they are also very sweet. It's affection without being smarmy.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell her you're going outside, and see if she'll want to join you without you having to ask.

    If she doesn't want to join you without you have to ask, it means one of two things, neither of which is something you want:

    1. Large ego, needs to maintain control through power dynamics and power games;

    2. Doesn't really have that strong of an interest in you.

    I think this is the best way to test for both of those things from a girl. Because, if she doesn't naturally want to join you outside, you were just heading outside anyway, and hey... you're already outside and exited that situation! LOL

    Now, if she does want to join you outside, you have to have some "excuse" or "reason" for leaving the bar. "Smoking" is an excellent excuse, and a large reason why smoking has because so popular, but that shouldn't be the only social excuse/reason people can think up of.

    The next best thing is, "Hey, it was really loud in there. I'm just going to go grab some coffee from [] before I start heading back home. (start slowly walking towards that direction). So, [keep talking]."

    Again, same thing... it's just another test. It's a "hanging So." So...

    If you see her moving and following you, that's good.

    If you don't, stop, tell her it was nice meeting her, and wish her goodnight, then go get some coffee.

    As she's following you to get some coffee... you can do more talking than you could back at the bar, and now, you've "left" the routine/standard day-to-day boring life behind, and you're both alone, on this new adventure together - fun.

    When you get to the coffee place, immediately offer and ask her what she wants. Treat her, like a gentleman. No, don't roll your eyes. This is not weak-sauce sh*t. This is you showing that when she follows your lead, it's good, it's positive, she gets what she wants... which is a guy catering to her (but she's not going to get that when she doesn't follow your lead). And, she gets it in a safe way (i. e., not him being a gentleman just in exchange for sex).

    I definitely would just be "emotionally aware" of her level of "excitement" with you before you commit to closing a certain way. If she's VERY HOT for you and you close by asking for her number, now she's feeling frustrated and angry at you and has lost interest in you. If she's warm, but not HOT for you, give her the pleasure of YOU asking for HER number (it will make her feel wanted, desired, and pursued).

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    • How you actually close depends on how "emotionally excited" you've made the girl. Don't just adopt a "safe and conservative" approach either, because sometimes, you'll get a girl so emotionally excited and feeling safe and comfortable with you, and she's just ready for more... and if you can't tell, or if you can tell and you don't give her more... her interest in you will go away - and it's impossible to recover from that kind of damage to her interest later.

      But "setting up the stage" to close smoothly, that's something that's pretty general and universal. You have to take her away from her crowd - because then her "superego" is on hyper mode because she wants to maintain her image to her friends and for herself. Away from judgmental eyes and opinions, he'll feel more comfortable giving in to her inner child.

    • You also want to have a dynamic where you're not PUSHING FORWARD.

      If you PUSH FORWARD, she will instinctively PULL AWAY. It's like a dog. I'm not comparing women to dogs. I'm comparing the behavior to dog behavior. When you have a puppy, one of the most dangerous games to play is to chase after your puppy. They will get highly addicted to the thrill of this game, and if they're ever out in public and you need to catch them, they may run into a car and get killed. So, dog trainers will tell you to STOP running after your puppy. If your puppy wants you to chase it - don't. Instead, reward your puppy for coming to you and respectfully listening to you. Dogs are pack animals, and they value respect. Women are not pack animals, but they also value respect. So, establish a "respectful" relationship early on - not one where anyone is chasing the other person.

    • Also, you want to "filter out" instances that have a "high probability of failure" or "low probability of a valuable reward."

      So, if a girl is not following you on her own, or resisting you, or still playing power games, then it means she's either a girl you do not want to be with (low reward), or she's not that strongly interested in you (high prob. of failure).

      Diplomatically, by filtering "out" those situations, you are basically looking to close on "the creme de la creme" (i. e., high prob. of reward and low prob. of failure).

      So, from that point, you know you're going to likely successfully close, the only question is to what degree. That's as much a function of how she feels as it is how you feel. Sometimes, that means doing things you're not yet comfortable doing (to not let her interest wane), or not doing things you're totally ready to do (again, to not let her comfort level and interest wane).

What Girls Said 10

  • You wouldn't kiss that quick after only just asking if she has a boyfriend!
    You go for the kiss when you naturally and SLOWLY get drawn closer after youve had a bit of time to get a connection.
    You sound way too inexpirienced to even try the bar situation yet.

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  • Honestly I prefer being asked "May I kiss you?" to me that's so sweet and makes me more excited for the kiss, rather than silent hints or something. I like to give people my verbal consent. That goes for everything.

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    • That's weak.

    • How exactly? Since when is verbal consent weak? Most girls actually like being able to give and get verbal consent. It's important when you can easily misread someone and do something they don't want you too.

  • That is sort of creepy from my prepective you're like " hey girl u got a boyfriend?, no? You have a purty mouth' kiss" :$ thats just asking for a slap.

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  • first meeting at a club u go in for a kiss//. last time u see that girl///simply say u enjoyed her company and wondering if we might see each other again can't say what the answer will be but its way better than trying for a kiss or getting touchy feely

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  • honestly, if you say some kind of line involving kissing it usually works if you're decently attractive and confident. the line could be as simple as "wanna play a game?" and then be like if i win, you kiss me. heads i win tails you lose…aka you'll win no matter what. if that goes over smoothly you'll get her number

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    • I actually think that would work against me. Making a cringe-worthy joke like that

    • i will admit it's almost too bold, but it has worked on me

  • My advice would be just go for the kiss without asking the girl if she wants or no. If she accept the kiss, well, you know she likes you. If she rejects you, well, maybe she doesn't like you or maybe she needs more time.

    But always always act without requesting permission. There are some shy girls that have a very close and traditional background, and maybe they would say "no" if you ask them (just because they are used to give that answer because is what they consider correct). But if you act first, things become easier.

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  • Using a "line" or SOP for every gal seems.. screwy
    I prefer the "dance" that communicates clearly to each other
    the amount of magnetism and the boundaries of the goodbye

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  • I will give you this advice. Is a hit no matter what. Ask her "can i kiss you?", while you hold her gaze and maybe caress her hand/fingers. Bold but gold. If she nods or say yes tell her to close her eyes. The anticipation will make it so much better. If she says no or get uncomfy, you laugh it off and say "i really like you, you can't blame me for trying".

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    • ^This. Absolutely this.

    • I personally wouldn't like it if a guy asks me to kiss..

    • Yeah well thats why you have two options. I think is very cute and rare to be vocal about the things we want; i really like this approach because you let the other person decide, instead of leaning in to end up with an awkward kiss in the cheek.

  • Just leave when it's interesting

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  • I think that sounds good.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Usually ask her to dance, and if you move well together, ask her to either come over, or her number
    OR
    You could say something like "hay this was fun, we should go out sometime." and exchange numbers
    OR
    Ask her out right then "do you want to go to

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  • When she sits closer and closer to you. And she smiles, you look at her eyes, to her lips, back to her eyes.. if she's slient, looking at your lips, it's a general sign she wants to kiss u, GO FOR IT!

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  • You have to find a way to get in close. A moment will appear and you will know if she wants it or not.

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  • lick her first

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  • "Hey you got something on your lips"
    " Yea.. no.. not there. here let me get that"
    Mwah.

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  • go for it when the mood is right
    use your gut feeling
    or intestine...

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  • Talk about things that interest you both before you get physical if you actually want to get to know her.

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  • dude when it comes to PUA be honest it makes life easier cause that way you don't waste you're time

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  • Tease her, get close and kiss her... pretty simple after some attraction

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  • You just gotta FHRITP

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  • Just shovel her drinks until she closes on you. Tequila will make the panties drop right quick.

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  • Hitting up random women is considered dating now?

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  • A lot of my dates usually end with kissing or even making out. My last date, a week ago, ended with us kissing, making out, me kissing her breasts, sucking her nipples and then kissing goodbye XD

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  • "I'm closing shop soon, you gonna buy something?"

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