Why do guys pull away when its going good?



He told me he likes me a lot, im beautiful. We kissed / held hands.. And talked about our future together... (how many kids we wanted, etc) But now he stopped talking to me / answering texts...
Whats going on?
And dont say im being paranoid cause this has hapen to me before and it wasn't cause the guys busy.

Did "We" get serious too fast and scared him?
He has a one year old daughter.
he's 25 im 24

Updates:
We met online and we texted 24/7 then we hung out and met. He told me at end of night he likes me a lot, im beautiful. We kissed / held hands.. But now he stopped talking to me / answering texts... Whats going on? And dont say im being paranoid cause this has hapen to me before and it wasn't cause the guys busy. Did "We" get serious too fast and scared him? He has a one year old daughter. he's 25 im 24With being online i can tell
Sooo i talked to him yesterday. He said "Its me not you, you didn't do anything. I realized i dont want to date anyone. Can we be friends? Then he subtlety hinted he might want more (FWB)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "He told me he likes me a lot, im beautiful. We kissed / held hands.. And talked about our future together... (how many kids we wanted, etc) But now he stopped talking to me / answering texts...
    Whats going on?"

    ^so suddenly? did u have any argument (even a small one) before he stopped?

    "And dont say im being paranoid cause this has hapen to me before and it wasn't cause the guys busy."

    ^of course not! but do u remember wot caused them to stop?

    "Did "We" get serious too fast and scared him?
    He has a one year old daughter.
    he's 25 im 24"

    ^so he has kids huh... ok so maybe he wants to get back to his X? it could be a possibility actually...

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    • No arguments before

      No him and his ex won't, after she had baby he said things changes and they couldn't stand being together

    • Show All
    • thanks for MHO

      "friends, but we literly can't have a conversation without flirting (Two days ago was proof) i texted him trying to have a friedly convo it went from flirting to sexual real fast."

      ^i see.. so that's not friends only then

      "and we have a lot in common to so all this drama and confusion serious sucks! cause if he didn't decide to change what he wanted (Which i question if he just wanted friends with benefits all along) then we would prob be a good couple cuz like i said we do have stuff in common."

      ^then u can be str8-forward about it and tell "u just mean friends with benefits but don't admit it... u start flirtin again in yer messages"

      "

    • you're welcome! clearly you deserved it haha

Most Helpful Girl

  • How long have you two been seeing each other? How many dates have you gone on?

    I think it's normal for a guy to get scared when things are getting so deep, so fast. Perhaps he's afraid to go fast because of bad experiences in his past?

    I don't think you did anything wrong. It sounds to me like he was also being a part of the conversation about the future you two were having.

    I would give him some time. It could be that he met someone else, or is just busy with his kid. Kid's come first, and maybe he wants to make sure he is ready to take the plunge again.

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    • @update: I'm sorry to hear that. It's better I guess now that you know, even though it probably hurts. I have no idea why a guy would talk about a future with a girl when he is not really wanting to be with her in the first place. That really upsets me, but maybe he thought he was ready and then when you and him started talking he realized he wasn't ready.

    • Thats what i think to. he said he's not scared of anything. He said they when he said he liked me a lot and we only started talking not long before. I feel like he scared himself saying that. cause now he only wants friends or a little more than friends with me. But he acts hot and cold. one moment it will sound like he wants me maybe more (Now or in future) but then other he will turn it into something sexual where im like oh ok maybe he just wants to sleep with me...

What Guys Said 11

  • I dont know, maybe yes. Maybe you scared him a little. Because if he has a daughter already, this means there already was a girl and it didn't go well. So what if he gets the next child and same thing Happens? This is quite scary.

    I dont know how long you've been together now and for how long he didn't answer. But dont even think about pressuring him if its only 1-2 weeks, talk with him but dont be like "Yo did you lose interest? Because I already had this Bullshiet!", ask if you were to fast, sometimes Its the case that he just needs time to grow the balls for the Second try of a family with more kids.

    But if you talk to him, And you get 0 clear answer Even after 2 months he is probably just keeping you warm. And you should dump him.

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  • well he has a child so the situation is very different than what I would have presumed. if anything I can only think that he is putting his kid first, which is why he is acting different now that things are getting very serious.

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  • Could it be that you brought up the topics ( future, kids) and he joined in the conversation to make it awkward , but thinking about it after , you might have scared him off in some way. He is a father already and maybe he really likes you , so he with along , but scared and not sure how to proceed. It could sometimes that a guy joins in a conversation , like future and kids , without giving you any hints that its scaring him. Some guys are direct and would say, ok slowdown , other won't say anything. What do you think the issue here. I know you are asking us , but you know him so much more, what do you fear it might mean ( his silence)

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  • I think the man is into you but is having an argument with the father. Maybe the father thinks the kids are not ready to see their father with someone new or maybe they wouldn't like you, who knows? But I think he is in conflict and maybe the father won despite the man really wanting you.

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  • There are a lot of reasons...

    He may have determined that he does not have enough time to give you.
    He may have been threatened by his ex?
    He may have had surgery...

    Who knows... just because there is some time between texts does not mean he is not interested... it may just mean life has caught up with him.

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  • Guys only pull away when they feel like things between you two wouldn't work out better in the future or when they think they have been doing the same thing over and over again with you and nothing new.

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  • 😂 yeah that's serious to fast. I would volunteer for the next nasa mission to get out of earth as soon as possible.

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  • How long has it been since you last texted him?

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  • Just sounds like he wasn't ready and was speaking out of his ass. To put it bluntly.

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  • "Why do guys pull away when its going good?"

    Fear.

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  • In my experience my ex-wife always gets in the way. I have a son and we separated about 3 months ago. Every time i try to move on she freaks out and kind of guilt's me into talking to her more and it's getting old. In this case he could be getting pressured from his ex.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Back off for now. Sometimes guys get wigged out when you start having the "future" talk. They may seem cool at the time, but once they're alone it hits them. Just give him some space (meaning don't contact him... no calls, no texts, no emails). Do your own thing. Hang with your friends, entertain yourself. Let him miss you. If he truly likes you, then you'll hear from him. If he doesn't, then he's not worth pursuing.

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  • > daughter needs attention, complicated by ex being a bitch
    > you are a secret from ex/etc. who are all around right now, otherwise his life in hell gets worse if they find out
    > another gal on line is steaming up his phone too much for him to "see" your messages
    > talking about more kids & marriage finally sunk in, then a nightmare of his past one gripped him, while your competitors are free from such talk

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    • Wow! How many ex's does he have at once?
      Maybe he should take the steam cleaner.. hope the ex's don't get mad

    • funny
      but
      reading closer
      ex = one gal
      another gal = another gal (not ex)

      got anything to help this gal now?

    • Thats wht im worried about. That he's sleeping with ex (Baby mama)

      or he has more than just me as 'friends'

  • He is not interested in a relationship. Actions speak louder than words. Just because a guy says something does not always means he means it. Some guys no matter how old they are, are more immature than teens on this website.

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  • Maybe he doesn't think it's going as well as you think it is? And he didn't have the guts to tell you to your face that he was losing interest, so he just did the fade.

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  • he might not want commitment?

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  • They lose interest

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  • He is probably having a second thought about the relationship. Were there anything that happened between you guys before this happened?

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    • No no arguments or anything. It was going great

    • No last thing he told/ texted me was "im sorry i made a fool of myself i shouldn't of kissed you this early"

  • obviously it wasn't going as good as your describing it if he's pulling away from you haha.

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  • because the chase is over

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