So I've never been in a relationship. I've dated a bit, but nothing has ever gone anywhere. Only ever kissed maybe three times, and that's the extent of my physical experience.
I've kind of started dating this new guy. Our second date we kissed, and it was lovely, if not a little scary for me, just cause he was a little intense about it. But then again, it could've just seemed that way because of my inexperience. He knows that I'm pretty inexperienced, and that I've never had sex, and he's already told me that he's not one to push, and he's fine with waiting for the sex stuff. But he does want to make out and cuddle and stuff. And while I want to as well, it also scares me cause I worry that the relationship will be all about the physical stuff, and he won't care about me as a person. It's not even him specifically. Just guys in general. Like it causes me legitimate anxiety. And I'm even more worried about it cause he's 7 older than me. It's odd for someone my age to be completely inexperienced. I'm just not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Most Helpful Guy
I would setup some guidelines with him... tell him I am willing to try these things, however, these other things are hands off.
I would also like to take our time with the physical component and gradually get there.
Having a physical relationship requires trust... trust is earned! There is nothing wrong with laying down some rules regarding physical contact until you begin to trust him.
If does not respect your rules, then he only cares about one thing!2
Most Helpful Girl
My advice would be fake it til you make it. That is, you probably can't stop yourself from feeling anxious, and you may not be able to stop your interior monologue about how he really wants to go farther and faster even though your empirical evidence is he's being sweet and patient and telling you he's willing to wait until you're comfortable. So let the panicked thoughts flow over you, but make sure you act in ways that match how he's acting toward you. If he's really not pressuring you and really did enjoy kissing him, kiss him some more. Notice how much you enjoy it. Notice how much he enjoys it. Stop trying to fix the fear that it's all about the physical stuff and do your best to respond to him as if he's as respectful a guy as his actions suggest. When you're ready to try the next thing, go for it, and feel free to pull back if it scares you, but pay attention to whether it scares you because his actions don't match his honorable words or because you're over-reacting. Maybe this patient guy is just the right person to introduce you to the wonderful world of physical intimacy. Where there are plenty of men who are just as anxious to have the physical be one part of an emotionally rich relationship and who want to treat you as well as you treat him.3