Why should guys even bother approaching women anyways?

In the end it's women who make the decision anyway. Why not save a lot of time, resources, avoid the emotional rollercoaster, and avoid the whole dosen't like him but will lead him on for her ego boost.

Updates:
Ok people I'm not butt hurt. I was just thinking about this and figured I'd throw this out there. Maybe I shouldn't have...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • OMG YES PLEASE!!!

    No more worrying that a guy is only being friends with you to get into your pants.
    No more terrible come ons.
    No more weird conversations where his interest is unclear?
    No more trying to say no without offending him or having him cause a scene.
    No more confusion over what do they mean by that.
    No more "let's hang out".
    No more being hit on when you just want to go out with your friends and have a drink.
    No more worrying that you are leading someone on...

    It would be so simple.
    You'd get to know a guy and then just be like "Hey would you want to go out some time? Can i have your number?" It would be an actual date, you could choose where you actually want to go, yes you'd obviously pay but at least you wouldn't have to worry about him assuming you owe him something...

    If only wishes could come true...

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    • OMG this is exactly how i feel >>

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    • I really don't understand why you got the MHO, basically what you are saying is that you have your guard up because you are constantly hit on and the question owner is saying that he doesn't like to approach because all the girls have their guard up?

      Reality is that if a guy shows interest in you it doesn't mean that he wants to be in your pants he might be interested in finding a friend or lover or just talking with someone else, but in order for you to qualify as his lover he has to know you.

      How do we solve the problem if we reverse the roles? Will all the guys being approached by girls have their guard up? Me as guy asking dose she want a piece of me or just be my friend? Sorry but I don't see your solution...

    • Guys don't care about female friendship, if he's your "friend" he wants to bone you, at least you hope so, because if your male friend doesn't want to bone you, you are pretty ugly.

What Girls Said 17

  • It's not just a problem with women, it's with both genders. First things first, women should stop rejecting a first date. It is not a life-long commitment, it's just a date! It is meant for the two persons to get to know each other. Nothing more. Then, they'll decide individually what they want to do.
    Being rejected doesn't mean you're not attractive, it means that you're not attractive to THAT person. Even if it happens repeatedly, it's not a big deal. I think that being attractive is a state of mind: it's when you like yourself and are proud of what you can do and who you are. When girls approach guys, it may come out as slutty or desperate. No. Just no. Women who approach men first know what they want and go for it (same with men). It shows confidence and determination. I approached the guy I like last month and I absolutely don't regret doing it at all. It also allows you to condition your mind the right way and move on faster.
    Conclusion: efforts have to be made on both sides. Even if you don't like the person at first glance, you can still wait and see. Patience, perseverance and open-mindedness are what matter most.

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    • You have some very good points.

    • 100% true! I don't know about other guys, it when a girl approaches me first I find them 10x more attractive.

    • Even if I am not particularly interested in a girl, they become a potential interest the moment they make their interest known. Suddenly I know I can evaluate them in that way, and I quickly start nitpicking for good qualities about them.

      Another thing to consider is how much harder it is to offend or creep out a guy with flirtatious or sexual remarks. It makes me wonder why women approaching isn't the norm. In college, I would hear every day about "this guy said hi to me. That implies interest, which implies sexual interest, which implies forcing you into sexual acts without your consent." Or "Flirtation is a demand on your attention, and a method to establish dominance."

      Meanwhile, a girl came into my work, sat on my lap, and offered sexual favors, and I was flattered. Of course, I was frustrated later because I knew a guy could be arrested for doing the exact same thing.

      If you are looking for ways to demonize me, I'm not going to walk on your eggshells.

  • Then don't approach them. No one is making you...

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  • yeah, i don't like when guys approach me.

    every serious boyfriend i've ever had was because i approached him. it's just better that way :)

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  • Are you proposing you'll just wait for women to approach you? What you're describing as "women make the decision" is you make your decision first and then women decide whether they share your interest. If you switch it up, then you avoid the rejection and emotional roller coaster, but of course you still are stuck with women making a decision about whether they're interested in you or not. For the record, being bitter with a whole gender for their perceived slight of you is not the most attractive trait you can broadcast.

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  • have fun being single then ebcause girls rarely approach guys first

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    • And I'll never understand why. I have to admit that the asker is bitter, but in my opinion more girls should approach guys first. You won't believe how many girls I hear daily, whining about how they can't get a boyfriend. But all they do is sit around and wait to be approached.

    • Blame your feminist propaganda BS. Women are always saying I want to be treated as equal? Well
      here's your chance.

  • so guys and girls should all remain single? is this just me or this question is so damn stupid.. :/

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    • how about since women make the decision they do the approaching. Then your not bothered by guys approaching you (so many girls complain about) and a guy dosen't waste his time and emotions. No question is stupid.

    • same thing... and girls approach too.. there is always risk.. but no one gets anything in life without taking a risk..

    • True however in reality 90% of the time guys do the approaching. 50-50 would be 'equality'. But since, again, girls make the final decision, how about they approach rather than a small minority of the time?

  • I dont ever approach men as they are ALWAYS approaching me the moment I leave my house.

    I hope your dating life improves.
    Peace xo

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  • That's funny because many women feel like men make the decision as far as being in a relationship. Women usually want a relationship and many men may not. But many triflin women will do what you described. I guess it depends like most things, but you never know who may be "the one".

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  • Maybe they shouldn't... Not with that attitude anyways...

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  • I rarely approach guys. But, sometimes I do. I think the street runs two ways. It just depends on how much you personally are willing to try to get what you want. And also, you have just as much right to decide whether you want to be with a wom or not.

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  • Then don't approach them, just go home and cry about being alone and bitter.

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  • well, then don't approach. read krauser or something.

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  • You can approach chicks, just don't do it like this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

    No one takes random strangers serious who does this.

    See the boyfriend reactions to their girlfriends being catcalled:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWEKD493IxY

    Try to match his confidence, charisma, hygiene, & the way he handled rejection:
    https://youtu.be/HLZqsx9wua8

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    • First Video:

      "Have a good day, ma'am"

      - "RAPEEEEEE!!!"

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    • "So I watched that youtube video response to the catcalling and one of the people says "They're not just saying hello, they say hello and when you say hello back and what that means is that's an invitation to now hollar at you."

      That's definitely not what's going through my head when I say hello to someone. She is saying it like it's a fact when it is for a fact not true for all people. I agree that the majority of that catcall video is way inappropriate but that doesn't excuse calling someone a sexual harasser for saying nothing more than hello just because you ASSUME that they're trying to get in your pants.

    • @Octavius ~
      I understand what you are saying, but like many things, it's "majority rules", meaning the majority of guys are harassingly catcalling women & the majority of women feel harassed by this behavior.

      So, since catcalling is seen as a negative by the majority, why would you continue this behavior?

      Also, why would you continue this behavior in the hopes of yielding a different outcome when you already know what will happen?

  • That would be awesome, stay the hell away from us. We don't like 90% of you anyways.

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  • Because plenty of guys get dates/sex/fulfilling relationships/happy marriages/whatever they are after. Most guys actually get what they're after at least once. Just because you don't doesn't mean most guys don't.

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  • Sounds like you may be bitter from past bad experiences. People, male & female can be assholes. However there are a lot of things I question that guys do just like you do. For example, I question why men say they don't want an easy girl yet they get frustrated if a girl does not give out her number or easily or if she does not put out soon enough

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    • So judging by your definition he must be bitter because he's a man? Yup we both know
      women are never bitter rolls eyes.

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    • I agree with the original post. I have met many guys who don't seem to have any clue as to what they want in a girl; so one day they'll tell you one thing, and the next they'll say the opposite. There are plenty of girls like that, as well.

    • @countvronsky agreed

  • Some women do approach women. I'm shy, but have approached a few guys I liked.

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What Guys Said 38

  • It's not women who make the decision but you can abdicate your responsibility if you choose to do so. I have rejected many women in my lifetime because I was not interested in them though they had some interest in me.

    There is no advantage in viewing yourself as a "victim" in dating relationships.

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    • Wish you were my grandpa
      I could learn a lot from you

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    • If you're not another bitter man who hates women, great! But you said: "Why not save a lot of time, resources, avoid the emotional rollercoaster, and avoid the whole doesn't like him but will lead him on for her ego boost." That doesn't sound like you're loving women, does it? If I misread your comment, I apologize. . . but it wasn't an unreasonable assumption.

    • Yes. Save time- perusing people who don't want to be persued. Save resources- taking a gal out who is too shy to reject you outright. Avoid the emotional rollercoaster- guys who get their hopes up only to be rejected. Avoid the whole dosen't like him but will lead him on for an ego boost- a buddy of mine just had this happen and he was hurt bad. I've had that happen too. As have many men. I can see how my wording may be a little misanthropic, however that was not my intention early this morning when I wrote this. I will be far more careful in the future.

  • Women bitch if you try to talk to them but they bitch even more if you don't. Just do whatever you want.

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  • Man you make a good point. Talking to a woman require so much work. Feel like you put in an application then go through the interview to get the position. We have to approach them to get to know them and we have to be prepared to be accepted or rejected.

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    • So getting a girlfriend is pretty much like trying to get a job in today's world. If you want a nice girlfriend you got to work your ass off and vice versa, also not to mention you got to still work your ass off to keep that fine piece of ass just like you would with a really good job.

    • Thats exactly what I'm saying. It really echo king to me at times a woman have that much power.

  • Fine. Be that way. More women for us guys who aren't AFRAID of a woman saying "no".

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  • i don't care who disagrees with me but the poster has a great point, it really is the girl who ultimate decides , in most cases... if something is going to happen or not, this is basically as law in the animal kingdom (i have a science background im familiar with instances where this is not true, im just saying, mostly)

    BUT

    sometimes you just have to try. so what, she says no, move forward. as you get older you realise (imo) that it's not so scary to be turned down, and you start to appreciate more.. direct, sometimes blunt honesty is needed so the girl is not confused

    dont let anyone's opinion make you second guess what you posted, you are totally entitled to feeling that way and lots of guys, and girls, feel that way from time to time, so thanks for sharing

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  • The reason many guys approach women is because it is seen as the "man's" job to many people.

    I don't think it matters. From what I see, women in my GENERATION (Under 30 or so) do not like being approached and automatically deem guys who approach them as "creepy" or "weird." Of course, if it was some wealthy guy with a high social status, it wouldn't be "creepy" anymore, it would be "romantic" all of the sudden.

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  • Women don't "make the decision" any more than guys do. Interest must be mutual. Plus, women are attracted to confidence, and approaching a woman and asking her out is a great way to show confidence and build attraction.

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  • I think you are right, most of the times girls choose, but is not always rule, you chose also but you don't realize. I am sure that most of the guys filter out fat girls without thinking ( I am not saying is wrong or right, just reality ), probably you are doing it also.

    If you constantly get rejected it means you don't hit the right targets, girls give off interest signals, if you approach randomly you will get random results, why not try to approach those that have interest in you?

    Also you don't have to approach all girls like girlfriend material, you can approach some of them for making friends, having friend girls makes you better with girls because you know how they think/act/feel and they could introduce you to their friends.

    About the question itself, I think it was answered already, you have to play the game in order to win.

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  • You should nkt care to much about the negative outcome. I mean, approach her, if she says no, move on to the next. The world is filled with women, why care about what one says? If she says yes, then make advances but always with self respect, don't let her play you/fool you.
    Dealing with women in this situations can be pretty easy actually.

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  • Guys feel like women make all decisions, women feel like all guys make the decisions. Why can't there be a compromise and both work together to make a decision for the benefit of them both and the greater good.

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  • Approach. And talk. THen ask out. You'd be surprised how many times that smoking hot chick goes from 10 to 0 after she opens her mouth. If you think a woman's only worth is her vagina then yeah you'll never get laid. Ever.

    And you'd be surprised how many times a very average looking girl becomes extremely attractive after a bit of convo. Yes, if you JUST WANT TO GET LAID then that's the wrong way. If all you want is sex, go to the gym, dress well and hit on everyone only after you become pretty. Cuz if all you want is sex, the girls you get with will also be the ones who only care about sex. And girls AND guys who are good looking will never hook up with people who aren't as attractive as them.

    Yes being good looking matters, but being open, honest and chill is also very important.

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  • Don't feel bad for asking a legitimate question! They are the ones that are butthurt. I completely agree with you, but sadly "that's sexist". Ironic huh?

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  • Think of getting a girl like you would for a job.
    You decide where you want to apply and later come in for an interview if you haven't been rejected yet. After the interview both the interviewer decides whether or not to hire you and you decide whether or not to take the job.
    The decision is made by both sides.

    Or you could always MGTOW

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    • If you don't make the first step you won't get anywhere since women almost never approach.
      Have you ever heard of a job begging for workers? No of course not they place an advertisement and say whoever is qualified will get the job. However at the end of the day it's your choice whether to take the job or not.

  • Yikes... someone has had a bad experience I think. The reason to approach anyone is because you would like to get to know them better. Life is always full of risk. Approaching an interesting woman is a risk I am willing to make.

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  • You're doing it wrong. I approach to find out if I like her beyond her appearance, and then be both make a decision whether we like each other.

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  • A lot of people do just that. Avoid the whole thing. But on the other hand, it seems to be human nature to walk headlong into the storm of dating and romance, despite the pain. It's the best of times, it's the worst of times.

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  • Well, some men just want to try their luck. Could be one reason

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  • Guys do most of the approaching true, but I've had woman approach me, they are just a lot more subtle about it than guys. And if you don't talk to a girl, then your never gonna know if she would date you or not.

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  • The reason why guys should approach is if they want anything to happen at all. Not that it can't otherwise, it's just highly unlikely to.

    I personally find it very difficult to strike that balance between too little interest and too much, but I think MHO provided a valuable insight into a woman's perspective.

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  • A lot of guys have simply trained themselves not to even look at women anymore , let alone approach. Women clearly do NOT want to be approached by random guys anyway , this article is food for thought.

    edumckaytion.com/blog/men-notice-women-anymore

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  • Because you're a wanker if you don't.

    Well... you might be a wanker anyway, but you'll be less of a wanker if you do. Or not, if you have terrible game.

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  • Maybe you approach the wrong girls. If you're a white guy you should only approach white girls or East Asian girls, or a mix between the two (Eurasian girls).
    Non-white girls are generally racist and openly hostile to white guys and will always reject you, no matter what. Maybe a few are different, don't know, don't care. Never actually bothered approaching non-white non-East Asian girls myself, but... it's the hateful vibe you get from them.
    So, yeah, to be safe only approach white girls or East Asian girls, if you're a white guy.

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  • Thank god I'm married. Dating is a pain in the ass.

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    • If I wasn't married, I'd avoid the whole dating scene and stay alone.

  • I don't think it really even matters just ask out the people you like, I mean I constantly get rejected but oh well how else will I find someone too fall in love with

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  • I've never bothered approaching a girl as i don't want to waste my time. When i go out , i just enjoy myself and dance.. i get approached by girls more this way than i would trying to go up to them. Don't ask why

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  • I think you should be very selective, certainly.

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  • I don't like it any more than you do mate. But this is how things work. Do you expect the female to make the first move? This rarely happens.

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  • women dont approach me and I'm too shy to approach them, so I'm staying single for the rest of my life

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  • U are the pursuer and there the choosers. that is how this life works.

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  • Because women have been approached by thirsty guys since their teen years and have been conditioned into thinking they should wait for the guy to approach them. Despite this, there are quite a few women who will do the approaching anyways.

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