Is it easier or harder for people to find a date in their 30s?

I'll be 30 in 2 years so I'm wondering. Most of this happens to people in their 20s and teens and by 30s, many usually end up finding someone. I've never dated or kissed, never had a girlfriend, or hooked up but not really fussed about it anymore like I did during my teens and in my early to mid 20s but it is still bit of a concern. Because it seems like every month, there is someone I know who is getting married. So many friends of mine have gotten married or are about to get married. Some even have kids and me being almost 28, I feel like I still haven't grown up due to zero experience with the opposite sex. 10 years ago and even 5 years back, I used to be very desperate for girls and lack of attention from them killed me. Now I'm not desperate because I feel like I can live without sex and whatever but seeing how so many people I know are settled or getting married, I feel like I'm just weird or not normal. Like what am I doing with my life. So yeah, I know this is long but this is why I'm wondering if it's easier or harder to find a date in your 30s.

Updates:
I completely forgot that I asked a similar question couple of months back
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1509263-is-it-easier-or-harder-for-a-man-to-get-a-date-in-his-30-s-as
Anyways you don't have to answer since it's repetitive but I'm still wondering

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not sure if it's more difficult or not but I think it's a good age to find love. You've lived long enough to not feel like you're missing anything, you probably have your own life established or will very soon and I feel like you know yourself a lot better at that age.

    From talking to you in private messages, i'm actually really surprised that you haven't dated, you're very easy to talk to and very intelligent.

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What Girls Said 14

  • I think that it's probably harder. The reason being that the dating pool has shrunk dramatically. Like you said, most people have found their SO and have settled down.

    I see this with my own friends, I'm 26. I have a boyfriend, but we are not engaged or married and we don't have any kids.

    I know I fear sometimes that if we were to break up, that I would have no luck finding a guy. It seems like all the good one's are already taken. Although I know that's not necessarily true. I like to think of myself as a good catch, and any guy would be lucky to have me. So there's probably guys who are in a similar position. They were with a girl, they are a great guy, but for some reason it didn't work out.

    Hopefully I don't have to worry about that, but if I do, I will definitely be feeling pretty anxious too!

    I know when I met my boyfriend, I was pretty mellow about it, because I had been through so much. I really at that point was ready to just live my life and only worry about myself.

    Most of my friends are married with kids, and it's frustrating because they don't understand. They have a fairly stable life and it feels like for the past several years my life has been in constant turmoil.

    While they were getting married and having kids, I was struggling to find an apartment that I could afford. Or I was moving from my 3rd place in a year, because the place I was living at was sold. It's definitely not been easy for me. But I'm still standing luckily.

    Anyways, I wish you luck! I'm sure you will find someone. It definitely is a lot of work, I know because I've been in your position several times. But it just takes one person to end the search. Good luck!

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  • I was married throughout my 30s and dating again in my 40s, and I gotta say it's been easier this time around. I know myself, I'm more self-confident, and I know what I'm looking for in a guy. I was scared by all the demographic stuff (there are more single women than single men in their 40s and men prefer younger women yadda yadda yadda) but that didn't turn out to be an issue. There is less angst and less game playing - middle aged men are able to just come right out and say whether they're interested or not, which is refreshing. I went on as many first dates as I wanted to fit into my schedule, only felt the need to have second dates with three of those men; one eventually friend-zoned me and one I friend-zoned and the third I've been dating for just shy of a year and I can imagine still being with him decades from now. Definitely easier than my teens and twenties. And the sex is better now, too! Life is GOOD.

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  • The dating pool goes into a severe drought after graduation, dude.
    Most of us that hooked up were early-30s & often with someone known in that past, vast larger pool.
    Some hooked up at socials, blind dates, country clubs but dancing takes the cake (so few guys dance) ... supply & demand! hint hint

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  • I think it's harder because a lot of people are taken by then but in another way it must be easier because (and I'm hoping here) people are more mature and are over playing games.

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  • i think its more harder because most people are taken at this age

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  • I dated on and off for three years after I turned 40.

    I didn't have piles of trouble getting dates. Getting dates with guys I liked/had chemistry with proved more difficult.

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    • Its probably easier for women than men

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    • When there's quantity, there's higher chance of quality.

    • The ratio of quality to quantity remains the same only if we assume that the motivations for dating remain constant irrespective of age and gender. In a perfect world, they do. In the real world, they don't.

  • Way harder I think

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  • No not really

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  • From what I've see through people I know it's hard to find a date when your over 30 unless you date people younger or date people with children. Many Wemon have already had kids or gotten married at that point.

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  • i would say it is, because all people think like you do, so by that age, most are with someone already even if it's not with the ideal person they want to be with, but for the sole purpose of not being "alone" they stay there, so most your age are settled or settling somewhere, even if they don't like it, it beats being alone and risking staying that way forever. Do you see what I mean?

    BUT, don't let that discourage you, just like you there are millions of others who are desperately worrying about the same thing.

    the best thing to do is to keep a positive mind. by mid 30's and early 40's most who got married at earlier ages, are getting divorced and will have to start all over with someone new/ i hope you see the positive side to that in your situation, as i have written far too much now to explain.

    if you think it will be hard by 30, then go start now! you're not even 29 yet.

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  • I found it about the same, but I was neither amazingly hot and sought after or completely dateless. I've stopped dating now because I got too overwhelmed with several family deaths and illnesses, tremendous work stress and some other issues in my personal life and that has taken its toll more than aging itself.

    I think you have a lot of time to find someone, but you do have to make changes if you want different results. That goes for everything, not just dating, of course!

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  • Harder, more people tend to be married

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  • probably harder because more people are taken by being married and have committed, settled down.

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  • It's harder for women

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    • No offense but I don't think it's ever harder for women.

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    • what gives. stop waste your time and approach girls! i am little bit fat and i approach girls and i am searching asny girl who reject me because i am fat. i have not found yet :) maybe @anonymus would agree with that.

    • * @Anonymous

What Guys Said 26

  • Harder and easier.
    People are more serious about relationships but they are also more desperate because well... time is ticking.

    Desperation makes for some awful awful awful choices being made.
    "I've never dated or kissed, never had a girlfriend, or hooked up but not really fussed about it anymore like I did during my teens and in my early to mid 20s "

    Huh...
    Ah well , let's GO FAST!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOtEp48w1gk
    Let's go sloow.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07SzP-nKTCE

    Maybe the calling is elsewhere.

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  • From what I've heard, it's harder, because as you and some of the others here have said, there is a lesser amount of people who are still single/available in their 30s.

    I know exactly how you feel, man, about how it seems that everybody around you is getting paired off, and/or married, and/or even having kids now. You are happy for them, but at the same time worried about what will happen to you.

    However, it's still not impossible to find someone in your 30s, by any means. As meatballs21 said here in his post, just because other people find partners in their 20s doesn't mean that all of those relationships will last forever. Some of them will find themselves single again as well, and in need of another chance at love. Who knows, that new chance might turn out to be you. :D

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  • It's easier. . . including with girls who are in their early 20s. Mark my words.

    There's an amazing number of college-age girls who are, apparently, most attracted to guys in their 30s and 40s. I wouldn't have believed it myself until I reached this age.

    Also, you become more frank and easy-going. You're too old for the games. You just bust it out. It's cool.

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  • I'd say about the same. Maybe even a little easier.

    It's not about how many are taken. There are more taken, but less competition. I think it might be easier because I think there is less awkwardness, and more mature expectations. By mature expectations I mean they know themselves better, they know what they want better, they are more realistic and don't expect perfection, etc.

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  • For most people dating in their 30's is a mixed bag. Many people are married so the available pool seems smaller. You also don't have common places to meet girls like in classes or at at parties or common places where young people hand out.

    On the other hand women in their 30's are far more direct. They know what they want and go after it, with little patience for people not on board with what they are after. If they want a real relationship, they go right for it. If they just want sex, they will arrange ahead of time with you when and where you're going to meet for sex and then leave when it is done. A lot of the games girls and guys play for weeks and months to test the waters with each other in their teens and early 20's are just gone.

    You on the other hand have much bigger concerns. You don't get to your 30's without ever going on a date unless you have simply never tried to go on one. You say it kills you that you haven't had the attention of girls, but you've obviously never put in any actual effort to change that. This is your biggest and probably only problem. Until you stop running away from dating you will never be successful. You can keep feeling sorry for yourself, but by doing nothing you are ensuring you never succeed with women. Getting on a first date with women in their 30's is really incredibly easy. You just don't want to for some reason. Why you refuse to try though only you know.

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  • Actually, it is easier! Things that used to bother you at 20, you realize are *no big deal*.

    One thing I *did* find at that age was what I called "The 20 / 40 split". That is, it seemed like the ladies my then age late 20's early 30's age were all married. So this left two options:

    1. Become a teenybopper's "old man", or "sugar daddy"
    2. Become a fortysomething divorcee's "boy toy", or "Cougar cub".

    Given you lack of experience overall (and I was in a similar situation at 27), go for the Cougars. They will teach you things, not just sexual either. And they are wiser.

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  • Dating in your 30s is easy for a guy. If you work on your confidence you can definitely still get younger women. I have heard of guys in there 50s who still hook up with girls in their 20s.

    Im going out this weekend to hit on girls at shopping centers

    Im just as old as you and the most recent girl I hooked up with was 19. The one before that was was about 11 years younger than me. You can do the math ;)

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  • Your 20's and 30's, it's real easy to find dates. 40's it gets more complicated and is more difficult.

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    • Do you mind saying why it's more complicated and difficult in the 40s?

    • Sure. I think as singles get older, their criteria in what they look for in a date become more lengthy and complicated. They are at varying stages of status, financial, career, and social. Most all have been married before, and many are single parents raising children. Much to consider. Singles in their 20's are more or less on the same level, so it's usually just a matter of chemistry, which would make any single a potential candidate, since there is little else to consider.

  • I found myself newly single in my 30s and yes, people still date. Is it harder? A bit, because some people have paired off and settled. However, some of them paired, settled, and divorced.

    Don't worry too much, there are plenty of beautiful ladies in their 30s out dating. You look like a cool guy in your pics so I'm sure some of them would be happy to meet you.

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  • It got easier for me. I am more financially stronger, look the best ever and I have more confidence. Here is some hope: Read Neill Strauss: The Game. He only started solving his girl problems at the age of 30. In 3 years he became known as one of the greatest pick up artists ever. Just hit the gym, find a life passion and make an effort to ask girls on dates.

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  • From what I've heard from my friends in their 30s is that it's harder because more and more people are getting married and having kids, etc. but that's not to say it's impossible and can't happen though

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  • man, i feel the same way bro. im 24, will be 25 in September and i feel the same. people around me getting married, having kids…i want it too.

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  • No, it's easier (WAY easier) for a man to find a date in his 30s, because women become more desperate. There are actually even news articles written about this.

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  • I'd say it's harder. The pool of available partners drops significantly plus you're more likely to also have to deal with ex-husbands, kids, and so on.

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  • It's much easier to find "a date", but virtually impossible to find one actually *worth* dating.

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  • Yes, but like i see the things... the world is large and i have a lot to live, i will eventually find new great people.

    No pressure, just do your thing and people with similar life style to you will come.
    But ofcourse you must be active.

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  • Its harder for a man to find a quality in his twenties and easier in his thirties but this is reversed when it comes to women.

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  • I think after about 25 it is harder, and progressively more so as you age.

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  • easier. We're adults now. No more dumb cliques or preconceptions.

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  • Do NOT get married until you are at least 30! Women in their 20's are still little girls who are super demanding. Stand your ground, put them in their place and they will respect you for it.

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  • Man you're screwed I'm not even kidding.

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  • i'll be single forever and it's ok. there is more to life.

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  • I'll be thirty in a few months.

    And no, it doesn't get harder. The women just get comparatively... younger, lol.

    Seriously, go out and just make it a priority to talk to women. If you fancy a girl, talk to her. And don't limit yourself to bars--that WILL make dating harder. Grocery stores, coffee shops, laundromats, walking down the street. If you see a girl you want to talk to, talk to her.

    Don't limit yourself to women your age. Date younger too. Everyone keeps saying "they're all paired off." Yeah--most of the women YOUR age are, lol, but not the younger ones. You're still young enough to pull girls at any age in their 20s.

    Although keep an eye out for the 30+ women. Some of them are real gems, but there are relatively more landmines in that age group. Can't go wrong dating a little younger than yourself.

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  • no some have to wait a little longer for that someone special. Don't rush it enjoy your life and it will happen when its meant to. Lots of attractive single women in their 30's.

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  • If you don't find a partner in your college years, or soon after, your probably never going to find a partner.

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  • You have to be active and cultivate a group of friends and acquaintances or have work that introduces you to lots of women. Take up hobbies women like, dance or scuba, something like that.

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