Should I tell future partners I cheated on my ex?

I was with my ex for nearly 4 years. In the last year he was living in america and I was in the UK, so we only saw each other twice in a year. Whilst he was away for the first two semesters we were in an open relationship. In the third semester we got back together. Shortly before he came home I cheated on him and we broke up. We are still on good terms now.

My question is - because it was such a complex situation, and also due to the open relationship factor previously - do i tell a new partner the details of this? Or do I withold some information?

Updates:
I had the past relationship conversation with my new potential partner. I told him everything but omitted the day overlap between partners.

He was very understanding but if he ever questions me further I will definitely tell him.

Thanks for all your help

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should not mention it to a new partner unless he asks. I cheated on my ex too, and it was a mistake. If a new partner asks me outright, I'll be honest and give the circumstances and regret, but would not throw it out there otherwise.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Let sleeping dogs lie in the cozy corner here, dear. Your Past is your Past and it doesn't Need to be some Blast that may not set well with your Newbie, who could very well get his undies in a twistie.
    Everyone has things that they may Not be proud of from their past. However, it's your own business and I do not your dirty laundry has to Be aired for your soul mate at hand to possibly Bring it up, where you ended up barking up the wrong tree because you opened up your own yap.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 15

  • no I honestly don't think he needs to know this cauze you will only sound like (hey dude watch out I may cheat on you too) and we don't want this now , do we?

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  • Tell them, they have the right to know and judge whether or not this behavior will affect them. If they found out later it would be very bad, if you tell them up front about it and explain it as a terrible mistake they may (given) time respect you for it.

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    • They don't have the right to know. They sure would want to, but it's not a right. If nature wanted it, cheaters would have a blue spot on their forehead. But they don't. It also gives a chance to someone to better themselves and to not constantly have to deal with mistakes from the past like that time you shat in your pants in elementary school.

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    • He may think he has to know, but he doesn't. She has no obligation to reveal anything.

    • @JuicyBrain No obligation except the ones which govern all of our society, the various social norms and social laws that allow for proper social cohesion. Despite what your attempting to say, selfishness is counter productive in a society and is generally frowned upon for its destructive aspects. You not wanting something does not in any way change this fact. We are a society, we work in groups there fore honesty and integrity are necessary to continue to function as a group. What you are promoting will destroy that resulting in a defective society.

  • You have two choices. The first is to come clean and tell a new partner everything. What happened and why. This way he will get no "surprises" in the future in he finds out from another source. He can decide, then, if you are the lady for him.

    The second is to keep some of this to yourself, but as I've said, it entails some risk of him finding out later. It may not go down too well if you are years into a relationship and he finds out.

    Nobody can advise you what to do. Only give you some different scenarios so you can come to your own decision.

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  • No need to tell, but if he asks, don't lie, that'll be worse.

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  • Let the past be the past.

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  • Would you want to know if your future partner cheated in the past? If so then I would tell him and if not then you should probably keep it to yourself and try harder to not cheat.

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  • yes, it would be an interesting experience to what would happen.

    do it and track his behaviour after telling him.

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  • Yes if you have between a cheater before then you should tell all your future partners cause no one wants to hear that his girlfriend was once a cheater... Jet them name a decision if they want to give you a chance or not

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    • *let them make a

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    • Is you are due that you are never gonna do it again then don't tell them... But if they find out about your part they will be very suspicious... so tell them anyways

    • *sure that

  • I wouldn't if I were you. I don't see any positives.

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  • Why the hell would you tell this to a new partner?

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  • they dont have something to do with your ex, just make sure you dont make the same mistake Again!

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  • SO then why are girls always complaining about men being cheaters?

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  • You might want to withhold that.

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  • some past mistakes are better 1) kept to yourself. 2) not repeated

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    • if you found out later, but id been totally faithful to you, would you dump me?

    • no. i'm the perfect sucker for women like you. i'll be manipulated by someone of your kind eventually... . and yes i would forgive you, i don't keep hard feelings for anyone... .

  • Why would you want to plant a seed of distrust that can only grow?
    Personally, I wouldn't want to know.

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What Girls Said 3

  • This is tricky. If he's any of the following types, telling him would be a bad idea:
    - Obsessive
    - Judgmental
    - Possessive
    - Violent
    - Grudge-holder
    - (more) Emotional (than average)
    - Loyalty issues

    HOWEVER,

    If he asks directly, don't be offended, and tell the truth (the whole truth, and nothing but the truth), including why, what you did afterwards (did you admit it to your ex?) and what (if anything) would either prevent you from cheating again or inspire you to do so.

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  • No, you do not need to tell future partners about it.

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  • The past is in the past. Why tell him? "Hey i cheated on my ex, just so you know, you should keep an eye on me, i could cheat on you too, hehehe, you never know ;)" ? I dont see the point. Just stay faithful, if you dont think you are strong enough for that (why would not you?), you may want to reconsider your relationships and wether you love your partner or not.

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