Dated for a couple months and now she says she isn't ready for relationship. What do you think?

So I've been dating this woman for about 2 months and we seemed to hit it off pretty good and got along very well each time we went out on a date. It went from hanging out 1-2 times to week to around 2-3 times a week the last couple weeks or so.

She sends me a text on the day we planned on meeting for dinner and apologizes about what she was about to mention. She says that "we never had a talk regarding a relationship" and she doesn't know where I stand and what was on my mind. She then says she wants something serious for her next relationship... and goes on saying she has too much on her mind (she is going through some potential changes such as moving, changing jobs, etc) and says she cannot focus on a new relationship... she said she tried but can't and thinks it is unfair for me despite not knowing where I stand and if I cared or not. She mentions that she loves spending time with me but that she isn't ready for a relationship yet or anytime soon.

I was quite shocked because things seemed to be going so well. We've connected quite well, held hands in public, kiss/cuddle and she's met a number of my friends (they all seem to like her), along with doing numerous other "couple activities."

That same day she sent me that text, I already had something planned out for the two of us. I clarified the concerns she had and said I was serious when pursuing a woman but I can understand what she is going through and hope she is able to get things figured out soon. I went ahead and said we can still continue with our plans just on a "friendship" level. She said she'd love to but was scared I'd feel awkward after the conversation but I said it was totally fine.

I picked her up and it seemed our interaction and vibe was already different. Throughout that time, she did cling onto my arms for a couple moments (though I can tell she was aware & stopped herself), but it was mostly a friendship vibe. I don't know if she is trying test me or not.

Updates:
Before dropping her off, I brought up the subject again. Then I mentioned if she would like to go somewhere else but she says she was tired... I brought up plans with other friends that I'd love her to join so she said "just let me know..." She said good night and "see you soon?" I gave her a kiss and left feeling a bit disappointed as the vibe/body language just wasn't like it was before.

Note, I did try to get her in bed a couple days prior as we laid down watching shows from my computer.
We are both in our late 20s. I got out of a 5 year relationship last year and she got out of a 3 month one a couple months before we started seeing each other again (dated her last year for just under a month but this was right when I got out of the long term relationship and she took off because of the baggage (drama from ex...).

She texted me when she got home and said thanks for tonight and said she had a good time. I didn't reply back until the morning.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that she's made this very clear and had politely done so - that she doesn't want a relationship. And pushing matters now leads to flakey excuses like "I'm tired", which NO one ever is when it comes to seeing someone they are excited to see. I've sacrificed hours of sleep in one night if it meant to see a guy I really liked. Even made excused for "not" being tired.

    So what this girl is doing is laying out the reasons/excuses and I think from what she's saying she can't be any more clear. It doesn't matter if you spent a great couple of months together or so. She's probably been putting on a bit of an act to appease you to see if maybe she could develop anything more but she can't, and I think two months is pretty good for cutting it off and not letting it develop in to anything longer lest feelings getting really hurt if any more time is spent on this.

    And believe me - some people CAN act. I thought I had a guy licked thinking he was very much in to me when suddenly he just quit talking to me and wouldn't even tell me it was really "over". People are just weird like this. They obviously thought they had something, but didn't - or they just acted like they did hoping feelings could develop.

    If she really is busy and moving and maybe not even over her last few relationship and wants to be single for a while, then you just have to let her go and do that. Maybe even tell her if she changes her mind in the next while to let you know that you'll be there, but honestly, I wouldn't hold my breath for longer than a couple of weeks. If she doesn't even call or text you in that time, she really is finished and maybe that's a sign that you did your best and be thankful she didn't waste much more of your time.

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    • I had some of the same thoughts but keep an optimistic outlook though I am not expecting anything out of it as people can change within an instant.

      I did send her a text clarifying her concerns, my intentions, along with me saying "I respect whatever decision she makes..."as I know she is going through a transition in life...

      Still haven't heard back (been 3 days) and I am tempted to call or text her but am telling myself not to contact her until she does so herself...

    • Yep this is what I was afraid of. Three days isn't a great sign, and I'm sorry :( You absolutely did the best thing and just by saying you respect her decision and leaving it at that has not made you out to be a crazy. If you do call or text, you'd be going against what you just said. Honestly you sound like too nice of a guy to go on a merry go round with her. There's some girl out there probably wondering where you are right now and will be loving this sort of treatment from you. This one never found it of value or she just has too much on her mind that is interfering with what she might want. Either way -- *you're* the one on the shelf and you're the one putting yourself all out there willing to be a great guy for her (or someone else?) and she's letting you dangle there. I just think she did you a huge favour, and you both sound like you've handled it as mature as it can get. Give yourself more time to get comfortable with the transition, but I would then move on. :)

    • It has been nearly a week and I still feel a bit down. I really do like her quite a bit and it was a bit of a blow for this to just happen out of the blue. But I will just have to move on. I do want to let her know I still care and am open to trying things out again but then again I don't want to seem desperate by messaging her again before she does (if she does at all).

Most Helpful Guy

  • She doesn't know what she wants. She may be confused because she isn't into enough to continue, or she may be telling the truth about her job and living situation. Either way, I would just tell her you care about her, but will give her the time and space she wants. The ball is in her court.

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    • I did send her a text clarifying her concerns, my intentions, along with me saying "I respect whatever decision she makes..."as I know she is going through a transition in life...

      Still haven't heard back (been 3 days) and I am tempted to call or text her but am telling myself not to contact her until she does so herself...

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    • Been nearly a week and I still feel a bit down. I really do like her quite a bit and it was a bit of a blow for this to just happen out of the blue. But I will just have to move on. I do want to let her know I still care and am open to trying things out again but then again I don't want to seem desperate by messaging her again before she does (if she does at all).

    • Sorry to hear that, that sucks! Well, if it helps, she probably isn't the woman you think she is if treats you like this, so you may be better off! Good luck!

What Girls Said 1

  • she's just not interested.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You did everything right. Give her some space and time. She could very well be preoccupied with the move and job change. Two very stressful events. I think she just got overwhelmed. Keep it simple for now, maybe send her a text every few days of no contact just to say hi. Good luck.

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    • I did send her a text clarifying her concerns, my intentions, along with me saying "I respect whatever decision she makes..."as I know she is going through a transition in life...

      Still haven't heard back (been 3 days) and I am tempted to call or text her but am telling myself not to contact her until she does so herself...

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