I love him but the lack of intimacy is killing me, what's going on?

My boyfriend and I use to have sex like crazy. 2 to 4 times a day on average. I was okay with once every few days but lately nothing. All of a sudden the passion dissipated. No more kisses. No more eating me out. and sex is now rare. He use to be daring and adventurous like me and now he has no interest in sex. I don't know what to do because I love him but the lack of intimacy is killing me.


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Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to talk to him and ask him why he's become so withdrawn? is he now happy with you any more? is there something wrong? you have to confront him and communicate with each other.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Early in a relationship that drive is there. Once you reach a certain point and it isn't just about that sexual desire anymore, it turns into an actual relationship. Nobody can keep going that such a high pace all the time. LTR have ups and downs. Marriage has ups and downs. you might have sex every day for a while, then you might now for a couple weeks or more. many factors come into that. over the long hall it will fall into a more sustainable level. That, of course, is different for everyone. When I was your age it was more like 3x a week on avg. but like I say, sometimes a lot more, sometimes a lot less. As men get older that is going to reduce since we don't have the ability to have sex at will like women.
    best thing is to talk with him if it bothers you.
    Stress, work, and many other things can be the reason. many of us men like to deal with things on our own and we do not talk. we just kinda shut down when there are issues.

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  • I'm sorry to be that guy but I'm pretty sure homeboy is cheating

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  • You need to have a talk with him about your sex life together. There can be many reasons for what is going on. The list is too long to go through. Sure it can be a case of losing interest, but many women often feel that men are just interested in sex... and do not realize that stress, anxiety, worry, fear of performance, lack of sleep, work pressures, financial problems, family problems, drug usage, and 100 other things can be at the root of the problem. Just talk to him and start by telling him that your sex life together is important to you.

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  • You guys plateaued. The passion and sex of a new relationship can keep the relationship going for only a certain period of time. Once that wears, it is up to the other connections you two have together to keep it growing, if any.

    If you were to take the sex out of it, what do you two have? The sex falls back as a portion of your relationship as you share other things you have in common, instead of the sex being the entire relationship.

    You said you love him. How does he feel about you without the sex?

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  • there are a couple of explanations I can think of:
    1) It's possible that he no longer finds you attractive. This is actually the least likely explanation, as a man's definition of attractive tends to change slowly to constantly conform to the woman he is with, if he is with one.
    2) It could be that he simply isn't ready to "settle." He wants to explore other girls. Not because he likes them or anything, but because it's just our nature to 'spread our seed.' This is the most likely explanation, given your age.
    3) This one only really applies to me, that I know, but I'm throwing it out there in case it triggers the memory of a rejection on your part: Perhaps he was hoping to elevate the 'kink'. I. e. by trying deepthroat, roleplay, anal, etc.., but you weren't into it. For men, such boundaries dispel the illusion that they've turned you into a sex fiend with their appeal. So it could make them prone to abandoning the effort altogether.

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  • Is there any way that you can initiate it?

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    • Well, it just makes sense, doesn't it? He may be stressed out too much, who knows? Lets not just jump to the conclusion that he's cheating or has lost interest...

  • Unfortunately 4 you I think he's kinda done with this relationship. Sorry to say this blatantly

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  • It's supposed to fade out. What do you expect jumping in the bed every two minutes? It doesn't work that way.

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  • Sounds like you worn his pecker out or he's getting his kebab from a rival shop... talk to him he may feel the same and staying silent will just wedge you both further away

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  • Talk to him !

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  • I think that he is unhappy that is my guess.

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  • How long have you two been dating? Have you asked him about the intimacy distance? Is he distant in general?

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  • He could of lost interest cause of too much sex per day lol

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  • Becasue you having sex too much , Lose interest. He's a lucky guy can enjoy you all the time.

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  • Maybe his libido dropped.

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  • Talk to him , find out the problem and how you all can fix it

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  • He could have a low libido (sex drive)

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  • he's probably bored of you, and or seeks someone else with more sexual appeal. he's probably bored of the sex since its always the same, my advice is to keep it exciting but try new things, get some lingerie or maybe try anal. If you do things like that you'll always keep him excited and not bored of plain sex.

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  • Ever heard of the phrase "too much of a good thing"?

    Odds are, he started to feel like he was only a piece of meat. Wanted to feel more than that, so odds are, the sex is leaving him emotionally dissatisfied... so he's going to look elsewhere.

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  • Go figure, a girl who "just wants sex", eh?

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  • I thinks he's cheating

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What Girls Said 19

  • has anything major happened to him? loss of job? less money? a lot of men don't want sex when stressed. It's either he's stressed, not in love anymore, or cheating.

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  • Take a shot and just jump on him - wake him up with lingerie and give him the blow job of the century. Take these matters into your hands (or mouth).

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  • The writing on the wall and all is Pointing that it could very well have something to do with your own Personal Love life behind the four walls and it has now led To... But lately nothing.
    If there has been Trouble in Paradise here, dear, this will Most Definitely Affect any lip locking because Locking horns with One another or Having some sort of path of problems will lead to a War of the Roses in the end, my friend.
    If Not, and you are just sitting there twiddling your fingers as to WTF? Sit your beloved down and find out what's up> He could be going through Something that is deep inside of him and it is Affecting his Hugging and kissing that you Now Are... Missing.
    Open lines of convo are One of the most important factors in any relationship, new or old. If this isn't on the table or even in the bed, then it can grow dead.
    Good luck. xx

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  • It's not realistic to have sex 2-4 times a day. Could you keep that up forever? Maybe you're turning into a more realistic couple that has sex less regularly. If he's turning you down for sex though, it could be for a number of reasons that only he can tell you. I won't put worries in your mind.

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  • Maybe he got pregnant? Haha kidding.

    You know there are more than one possibilities? Let me think of all of them, and what you should do is be confident that its really not you, but him.

    1. He found someone else. You can tell if he doesn't talk to you about his daily routines anymore and acts suspicious.

    2. He needs some space. I mean he needs to do other thing too, and spend time with other people too. He should still talk to you normally though.

    3. He's scared of things going too fast. So basically he just wants to slow down.

    4. He's turned religious and realised what he did was wrong. Rare case though.

    5. He lost interest in you.

    But the last one is the least likely because it just doesn't happen unless you changed dramatically in looks and personality. He still likes you, trust me, and stop worrying. Dont appear needy or clingy, and go have fun with your friends, do other things, stay positive.

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  • That changes EVENTUALLY u two are so young assuming he is in your age group shouldn't have slowed down THAT MUCH so might want to check on his whereabouts - cause ususally it takes YEARS to fizzle out... I am older and have been why my guy 6 years and he ALWAYS WANTS IT when we are together sometimes it gets on my nerves but he is VERY "randy" and ALWAYS is ready... Good luck ask him whats the problem? Work it out or move on. Plenty of men out there...

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  • that's not good... i think that you should at least have a conversation with him about this

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  • Or maybe he was just using you and now he needs someone new. Your relationship is at stake. Sorry

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  • He's probably cheating , unless he works a lot and just worn out… my opinion

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  • He might be cheating.. just saying when guys no longer want sex it's because they're getting it from elsewhere

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  • He had enough maybe?

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  • I dislike it when people say he's cheating. The problem is that you have had too much sex and that isn't good. In my view it should be special

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  • Sex always tapers off after awhile in a relationship, it just happens. However, I know from experience, when I no longer want to kiss a man, I'm done with him. It might be time to move on, sister.

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  • something may be wrong in his life... you should ask him

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  • Do you try directly asking him for what you need?

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  • sounds like he is loosing interest/falling out of love.

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  • I know thiws feeling.. You are having sex less often, or you want it more often than him. I knew my boyfriend wasn't cheating on me, so I thought he was bored of me and he wanted to find someone new, because of the myth that men always think of sex (not true). There might be a thousand reasons for not having sex. I talked to him about it, then I realised that he has an obsession with jerking off, that he was angry with me, anxious and we both had a lack of free time, in which he preffered us to go out than stay in. I suggest you just talk to him about it.

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  • Maybe he's getting it elsewhere or he could be extra tired from work lately. He may be feeling down mentally or having hormonal (testosterone) issues hence the low libido. It. could be anything. Have you tried talking to him about it? Communication is key.

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  • Well did you have sex too early in the relationship? Some men no longer feel that they have to work hard once a girl gives it up too early. Are you having sex with him as a way to try to keep him liking you? Because if you are that may be a turn off to him which would explain lack of sex.

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    • Or he could be stressed or cheating

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