Does this make me a bad girl?

Ok so the guy I'm seeing is super innocent and respectful he has only ever had one other girl in his life other than me. He's only kissed two girls me and his ex as well as he has only slept with his ex. I'm a virgin. However, i had a rough patch in my life where I just wanted so badly to be loved and cares for and I didn't value myself so I fooled around with a lot of guys that I regret. I never had vaginal sex with them but I came really close. I've gone down on over 16 guys and kissed way more than that. I realized before I met the guy I'm seeing that it wasn't ok and I worked through my self-esteem issues. It's just now that I have a man in my life that I really like and respect and is so old fashioned and gentlemanly I don't want him to hate me. We've talked a bit and he knows I had a rough patch and he doesn't seem to mind but he doesn't know my number and I really don't want to be known as that girl however I want him to respect me and know that I'm not that girl anymore I've taken it so slowly with him and I intend on continuing moving slowly but I just don't know what to do about my past. How do I tell him and be honest with out making him hate me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "I realized before I met the guy I'm seeing that it wasn't ok"

    Why is it not OK? Did you enjoy it at the time? Don't let people convince you that you should feel ashamed of yourself. If you liked doing it, then what's so wrong about it? If you feel bad about it now, then ok, but why is it so? What made you feel bad?

    All you can control is if you tell him or not. The way he reacts, you cannot control. If he hates you for what you have done, then do you really think it would be a good thing to be with him? He obviously won't accept who you are. If you tell him and doesn't care, then he loves you for who you are. Don't try to hide or act your way out of this because it's your chance to see if he's for you before you go too far with him.

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    • I just feel used and kind of sad with myself to have let people treat me the way they had and it took me until I met this guy who treats me so amazingly to realize how I was being treated before wasn't ok. I really want to tell him and be open because I think he should know every part of me just like I want to know everything about him

    • Just explain to him then. Tell him the story and wait for his answer...

    • Thank you! I'll try that! :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to be honest!

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    • Yeah I want to be open with him!

What Guys Said 6

  • Well done fir getting over your issues. Now just forget it and move on, its now well in the past so just concentrate on the future with this guy.

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  • You past is your business no one else's no one else needs to know

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  • If he is in love , he won't mind it anyways. But never ever repeat the past again.

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    • Thats true he already knows and accepted that I've kissed a lot of people before and now that I've moved on from the past I never want to go back!

    • That's like a good girl.

    • Thank you! :)

  • So you blew a few guys who cares, it's not like you had sex with them. Just tell him your still a virgin. I personally never cared nor wanted to hear about how many dudes and woman has blown. Oral sex is more foreplay than anything anyway.

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    • Thank you! Yeah I wouldn't care how many girls he'a gone down on even though I know the only other girl who has seen him naked is his ex.

  • Yes you were a bad girl. But it sounds like you are wanting to change and not be like that anymore so that is a step in the right direction which is good. It's not something he needs to know per se but if he flat out asks or something then I would tell him but I wouldn't just bring it up out of the blue. If you say "it's none of your business!!!" he will start to not trust you and it will be a bigger issue than if you would have just told him.

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    • Yeah I just want to be on a fresh page with him you know have him know who I am and where I've been but yeah I don't think I'd randomly say hey I sucked off so many boys before you

  • "I've gone down on over 16 guys"
    "I'm a virgin"

    ?

    smfh

    My suggestion? Keep your mouth shut. He doesn't need to know.

    smfh

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    • I know it's stupid I just thought foing down on them would keep them from leaving because they wanted sex but I wouldn't sleep with them

    • No worries, not judging you at all.

      It just seemed like a... conflicted rationalization.

      And my advice: don't engage in sexual activity you aren't enthusiastic to partake in. If they're going to leave because you won't get sexual, then let them leave.

    • Thank you for not jusging me I realized how wrong I was

What Girls Said 2

  • Sweetie he'll understand don't worry about it, if he cares for you so much it will be fine he will still love you because he knows that you aren't the person you were in the past.

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    • Thank you so much! We talked it through and he just embraces it like all my short comings

  • I would never tell. My secrets will stay that way.

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