Why do the women in my family keep trying to set me up?

I am 25 years old. I tried dating earlier in my life and it didn't work so I stopped trying. I live by myself, go to school, and I work. However, the annoying part is when the women in my family constantly try to set me up despite me telling them I don't date period and they need to respect that. Each time one asks me when I'm getting a girlfriend or getting married. I always tell them never. They go on and say you're such a nice guy and woman love to be with you yada yada yada and I have the perfect girl for you. I always tell them to stop but they keep persisting. Why do they do this? How do I get them to leave well enough alone?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • They think they're just trying to help, and they fail to really give two flying sh*ts about how what they're doing is coming off and how it's emotionally affecting you.

    On the other hand, it's also your fault for not STOPPING, sitting down with the women in your family who do this, and talking to them openly and clearly about "how what they're doing" is "making you feel." When you do that, NOW, it's 100% out in the open about "how you will feel" if "they do X." So, by continuing "to do X," what they're really communicating now is, "I don't care how I make you feel."

    Generally, people (especially women) tend to avoid conflict and seek to maintain the peace. So, if you position yourself that way on the emotional chess board, it's very difficult for the women in your life to continue doing "X" without you being able to nicely, calmly, and in the most diplomatic and most socially defensible and sympathetic way possible say, "Do you remember that conversation we had, where I told you how this makes me feel? Do you love me? Do you care about me? Do you want to make me feel that way? Okay, then, for the Nth time, can you please stop MAKING ME FEEL THAT WAY?"

    Do not talk to women about DOING X, speak in terms of them ceasing to MAKE YOU FEEL some negative way, and explain clearly how and "why" what they are doing makes you feel.

    If that doesn't work, time to bring out the NUCLEAR OPTION.

    I once went out on a date with someone my mother set me up with. It was a very inexpensive date too, something like $30 for coffee and some appetizers. The girl actually offered to pay $5.00 for her coffee (as a courtesy). So, what did I do? I accepted. In this culture, it was understood that the guy pays 100% for the first date, and to actually accept a woman's offer to pay is an indication that the guy is "cheap," which is a huge negative in that community. Yet, that's exactly what I did. Why? Because I knew she would run back to her parents and tell them what happened, and now my parents would be embarrassed. So, if they weren't going to care about how "I" felt, maybe they would care about the way they felt, and their reputation, and their ability to maintain their own social circles.

    They forced me to have to take it to that level. Explain to them that you don't want to be the child that starts "acting out" until they get the point to FUCK OFF.

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    • I think a lot of women feel as if a man isn't dating a woman, then he is unhappy. I don't want to be mean to them but they're annoying me.

    • In psychology, this is known as "projecting" or "projective identification." They are attributing their own wants and needs and assuming that you must want and emotionally need the same thing and to the same degree that they want those things.

      Don't be "angry" at them.

      I know it's annoying, but it's part of the irrational parental brain. The best thing you can do is take lessons and learn to be better with your own children one day.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Ok I get it, you find them annoying. But... why are you pushing away the chances they give you? I mean... you were unlucky before but they're presenting you with options. Why not take them?

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    • I don't want them life is easier when since I am single.

  • Same with my driving license. If something doesn't fit into society they try to change or ignore it.

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