Boyfriend always calls other girls hot, but got mad when I started doing the same. Why is there a double standard?

My boyfriend always comments on how hot other girls are. At first I didn't mind, but after he kept staring down other girls in public it started to bother me. Last night we were watching tv and he commented that a girl was hot and had a nice body. I told him it annoyed me and told him I'm going to start pointing out every hot guy I see. He seemed annoyed when I said that. Then a little later, he commented once again that two random girls on tv were sexy. Lol I calmly asked him "babe would you be upset if I pointed out that another guy was hot and sexy to you". He said, "well I would just wonder why you were pointing it out to me.." "I trust you but it would annoy me". I then asked him why he always does it to me and he tried to say he never does! How can I get my point across to him? I know everyone notices other attractive people but he's flat out disrespectful about it. He is very insecure and afraid I'm going to leave him, so I'm not sure if that's the root of the problem. Why is there a double standard?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • On one hand, I get that he'd be annoyed with it if you did it because he'd think you're just doing it out of spite to antagonize him. But what he should do is apologize, or at least justify with something like, "of course they look good because they're movie stars, but you're more beautiful than all them, and I love you. You know that, right?", and then STOP DOING IT. I've heard of other couples who do that and are fine with it, but it obviously shouldn't be expected that you're fine with it. You should spell it out for him, that you feel disrespected and cheated on when he does that so you need him to stop. If you're not frank about stuff like that, some people might try to convince themselves that you meant it in a different way or that it doesn't actually bother you that much.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend does the same. I used to comment on a lot of guys too, not fully serious about it. It became a bit of a joke between us, till he asked me to stop because I'd usually bring up the same guy I'd see at the gym regularly. I stopped, understanding the joke had reached it's end.

    He, on the other hand, upped the amount of comments he makes. We'll be sitting at bubble tea together, like this past Tuesday, and all he'll do will be check out and make comments about a bunch of girls who are sitting nearby or ordering. I'm no longer amused in the slightest.

    Just tell him it doesn't make you feel comfortable, that you don't need to hear about every single girl who he thinks is hot. Hopefully he'll be more understanding.

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What Guys Said 13

  • He's one dense motherfucker.

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  • He wants to make you jealous. But, he doesn't like it when you make him jealous.

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  • I don't find it offensive at all if my woman finds someone on television to be attractive. It's on television it's not real. Me and my ex girlfriend would comment on the looks of others on television all the time. If I found a woman to be sexy she would agree or disagree, and vice versa. Through it all we had plenty of epiphanies about what turned each other on and that exploration helped us both to accent those qualities in ourselves. There came a point where she took it too far. when she began talking about people we know "REAL PEOPLE" There was some lust and desire in her tone that immediately turned me off. I'd try to test him by commenting first on the women on TV he's commenting on, then try making comments about the men on TV. You might find that this doesn't upset him at all. If it does ditch the one sided loser!

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  • Although men in relationships will probably never stop noticing other women but any man worth his salt would not comment or stare at other women. Men are programmed to notice women but it shouldn't go beyond a simple glance for men in relationships.

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  • Just politely ask him not to do that. And tell him rather than calll those girls on tv hot or sexy why not call me sexy. and hug him

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  • I don't do it so I do not think this double standard exists is standard practice however I think it is horrible that your boyfriend would be checking out other girls when you were together.

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  • I think he only likes you because of your body... Do you have anything in common? Relationships purely based on physical appearances are doomed to fail or to else immeasurable suffering.

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  • i would point it out exactly to him when he does it again. so he have no excuse..

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  • well society emphasizes beauty for women and women emphasize a man's money

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  • It's different when we do it, definitely not cool for girls to do it

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  • Simple.

    When guys admire another woman, it's like seeing a flashy object... which you immediately forget about after it's out of sight.

    When women admire other men, it's because she's unhappy with her relationship and is either looking for an affair or a new partner.

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  • I hate petty game playing, don't you? Your man sounds like a little boy

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  • That guys is stupid.

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What Girls Said 16

  • sorry but he seems to be VERY immature imo! he should be able to show respect to you

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  • You don't need someone around who's going to make you feel insecure. Tell him that you don't expect him to take his eyeballs out, but you DO expect him to not clue you in when he finds another girl hot. He knows how crappy it feels since he's even admitted he wouldn't like it if you did it to him, so I'd say jealousy is the root of the problem here. Try and talk to him about his insecurities and reassure him that you're his, and that should help the problem.
    If not, get rid of him he's trash. :)

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  • I think it's disrespectful. Even if a guy has those thoughts he should keep them to himself.

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  • I don't think it's a double standard; he's just being a typical hypocrite. If it bothers you, let him know. If he doesn't stop, continue to do it. "Well, I would wonder why you were pointing it out to me." Gee, I wonder if he realizes that's how you feel. Of course not.
    I notice this with a lot of guys to be honest, I guess they just expect us to just sit there and agree with them that a woman is hot even when you aren't sexually attracted to women. But when you ask them about a guy's looks, there goes that infamous line, "I"m not gay!"
    This has happened to me.

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  • Instead of questioning him about it. Just do it. Just casually say that "the guy over there" is really handsome or "my trainer" is really muscular. Just do it seriously. He'll begin to get annoyed sure, but he's going to understand how you feel in the end.

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  • If he's so insecure and scared about you leaving him, then perhaps he should treat you with a bit more respect and care about what you think as well when he comments randomly about other girls.
    Yeah, most men aren't exactly skilled in considering other people's feelings. They often fail to notice their own mistakes. Men grow up a lot slower than us women do. It's a common thing, imho.
    Imho the right guy should be open about it and comment on random girls that they think are hot, would be able to casually talk to you, make a conversation out of when you talk about other guys being hot, but he would treat still you like Miss Universe regardless whether you have braces on your teeth or not.

    Although, people like that are a rare find.

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  • Because he's a 'man'...
    Whatever. You do what he does... make him feel it. Hahaha

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  • Tell him that he has the worlds thickest head and that you are sick of his retarded stupidity.

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  • he's selfish. that's why he didn't care about hurting your feelings.

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  • Have a proper talk about it and explain it to him how you find it very disrespectful which can cause serious problems in your relationship. If he cares it might take him awhile but he will try to stop that habit.

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  • he's an amoeba

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  • Lol what an idiott

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  • Breakup and find someone else... how can he be such a badass scum right in front of you... he is ogling every other female and complimenting them in front of you... why are you putting up with his shit... if I were you I would break up... let him Go and date one of those women... you deserve someone that respects you and takes care of you.

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  • I don't know his intentions but I've came across a few types that show this type of behaviour to make their s. o. insecure. Usually these are insecure people themselves and hate it that their s. o. is very confident or gets a lot of outside attention.

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  • He's using it as a tool
    to make you compete for him harder, be it how you look, act or (typically) sexually divert his attention. Some think of this act as pushing your booty call doorbell, as it does work for some.

    Since you're too smart for him, he
    doesn't know what to do to compete
    feels just as disrespected as you should
    has been knocked down a peg

    Make a PAX
    Either turn this into a fun game that gets yo both worked up enough to retire & makeout with each other
    or drop it due to harmful fallout

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  • I think it's quite normal and even healthy to find attractive qualities in other people. Though sometimes, they're better kept to ourselves. As long as your boyfriend isn't acting on any of his thoughts, it's fine.

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