My boyfriend always comments on how hot other girls are. At first I didn't mind, but after he kept staring down other girls in public it started to bother me. Last night we were watching tv and he commented that a girl was hot and had a nice body. I told him it annoyed me and told him I'm going to start pointing out every hot guy I see. He seemed annoyed when I said that. Then a little later, he commented once again that two random girls on tv were sexy. Lol I calmly asked him "babe would you be upset if I pointed out that another guy was hot and sexy to you". He said, "well I would just wonder why you were pointing it out to me.." "I trust you but it would annoy me". I then asked him why he always does it to me and he tried to say he never does! How can I get my point across to him? I know everyone notices other attractive people but he's flat out disrespectful about it. He is very insecure and afraid I'm going to leave him, so I'm not sure if that's the root of the problem. Why is there a double standard?
Most Helpful Guy
On one hand, I get that he'd be annoyed with it if you did it because he'd think you're just doing it out of spite to antagonize him. But what he should do is apologize, or at least justify with something like, "of course they look good because they're movie stars, but you're more beautiful than all them, and I love you. You know that, right?", and then STOP DOING IT. I've heard of other couples who do that and are fine with it, but it obviously shouldn't be expected that you're fine with it. You should spell it out for him, that you feel disrespected and cheated on when he does that so you need him to stop. If you're not frank about stuff like that, some people might try to convince themselves that you meant it in a different way or that it doesn't actually bother you that much.2
Most Helpful Girl
My boyfriend does the same. I used to comment on a lot of guys too, not fully serious about it. It became a bit of a joke between us, till he asked me to stop because I'd usually bring up the same guy I'd see at the gym regularly. I stopped, understanding the joke had reached it's end.
He, on the other hand, upped the amount of comments he makes. We'll be sitting at bubble tea together, like this past Tuesday, and all he'll do will be check out and make comments about a bunch of girls who are sitting nearby or ordering. I'm no longer amused in the slightest.
Just tell him it doesn't make you feel comfortable, that you don't need to hear about every single girl who he thinks is hot. Hopefully he'll be more understanding.1