There is this woman who had rejected me several years back, because I was apparently not up to her standards in terms of looks. I was hurt badly, and also told her that I can't interact with her again until I get over her. This 'getting over' part surprisingly happened soon, and we began interacting again. But in recent times, we have been interacting way too much. Texting a lot, speaking over the phone for several hours, and even meeting in person occasionally. Now she has a boyfriend, and I'm scared that too much interaction with her just might rekindle my feelings towards her (although it hasn't happened yet).
I seriously have no future with her, whether she has a boyfriend or not, because she gives too much importance to looks and I'm way below her league in the looks department. Not blaming her or being bitter, because people have their own preferences and expectations from a partner. But I just want to find a way to distance myself from her without coming off as rude or insensitive. Please help.
P. S. I have been single during the course of whatever I described above. Have been single for 4 years now.
Most Helpful Girl
Date other women. If you do this alone, it will almost immune you from falling for her, but you have to really be genuinely interested in meeting and connecting with other women.
most importantly, Don't respond to her promptly as if you were BFFs. You sound like you're kinda doing this right now.
So... Don't make her a priority whatsoever. Here's how:
Prioritize at least three different things on top of her current status in your life. Basically, drop her status three notches. At least! That way, you'll respond to her "when you have the time".. And get to honestly tell her you were busy with X, Y, or Z. And you genuinely will know that you were in fact busy. And Yay for you!
My suggestion is you can take a hobby you already have more seriously. Try a new one on a weekly basis. Make time for your buddies, go out of your way to contact them to hang out.
Better yet, start working out moderately too. Clean your place or closet. Get all your chores done or anything else you've been putting off.
Oh, and date other women!
Point is, keep yourself busy with things that interest you, matter to you, or are good for you. They can be fun, they can be new and a little nerve racking, or things that are boring but must to be done. Heck, if you have no idea and are drawing blank, then just make up new goals to improve /challenge yourself with.
And don't forget: date other women.
Not only will you feel more self respect, you'll also get more respect too, from other people, especially women, and even her. Don't be surprised if she starts acting desperate or whiny when you begin this awesome change. Don't fall for it unless she Breaks up with her boyfriend.
If you want more support with this, let me know.
In the meantime, have fun regaining your autonomy and enhancing your confidence :)0
Most Helpful Guy
What has worked for me is to put up an internal wall and set some boundaries for myself.
It is ok to interact in a kind cordial way, which will settle the 'rude or insensitive' part. The wall or filter you set for yourself will be prepared for any 'feelings' that may be generated by the interaction and it won't let them through. If that happens, reposition your boundary with her.
Have a statement prepared that you will tell yourself if you find yourself with an uncomfortable 'feeling' despite the precautions, so that the feeling will be washed under the bridge.0