Do I have the right to be angry?

My boyfriend teams up with his female co-worker every year for their work football pool. They pick teams together and if they win they split the cash. Well I told him this year that I don't want him teaming up with her because he's dating me. He refuses to listen to me though. He said all they do is pick teams together, and that they're just friends. I know she has (or did) have a crush on him. I've known them both for six years. Six years ago she told me she had a major crush on him. She has a boyfriend now, but that's not the point.

I just don't feel comfortable with them teaming up. I am angry that he refuses to back out of their team. He is with ME now.

Don't I have the right to be angry?

  • Yes
    20% (1)33% (5)30% (6)Vote
  • No
    80% (4)67% (10)70% (14)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't ever feel guilty for being Jealous, it's perfectly normal for people to feel this emotion and people have different triggers.

    Now, i wouldn't exactly have gone right out with "i don't want you to be on her team this year." Rather i would said something along the lines of:

    "hi boyfriend, i love you and am so glad we are together as i love every minute of it but i do want to bring something up that's been on my mind. I trust you and hope you win this year but you teaming with your female co-worker that you've known forever makes me feel a jealous because i don't like another girl potential getting closer to you.

    Now i know this has been a tradition of yours but my female intuition says that she has a thing for you even though she's in a relationship. Now in a perfect world she'd get fired and i'd never have to deal with this again but i know that's not rational.

    Just as long as you know this and do what to you can to evoke the least amount of jealousy makes me feel better, i love you!"

    So often people feel guilty for being jealous, people have different thresholds. i've known couples who can care less if they see their partner twerk and dance on other people at clubs when alcohol but get freaked out if their partner goes and gets help from another person.

    Your gut is probably right that there is some tension with her + him, but letting him know is okay too.. if he's a good guy he'll be sure to mind that sensitive subject.

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    • Thanks. I'm glad someone sees it my way.

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    • He doesn't understand. He points out thar her crush was six years ago, that she has a boyfriend who she is hoping will propose soon, that in the time they've know each other she has never made a move on him and that it was her who set us up. He just doesn't understand that I don't trust her and I don't want them to team up for this. I don't even want them as friends. I'm just going to talk to her though.

    • " I'm just going to talk to her though. "

      If i was the boyfriend, this would upset me.. not only are you bypassing me but it feels sneaky.

      I get why he thinks the way he does and i also get why you feel the way you do. I have had females friends who i've liked and have liked me but after a couple years, those things fade and as we get older the realization of why "nothing ever happened" becomes very apparent... I know that doesn't help how you feel.

What Guys Said 6

  • No, I don't think you have the right to be angry. If he was spending time with an ex alone then yes I think that would be grounds of discussing the situation and coming to a compromise but this is a just a random woman essentially with no emotional attachment on his part.

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  • You want to ruin a great tradition because of your own insecurities.

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    • What if you were dating a girl, and she was teaming up with some guy who had a major crush on her?

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    • I've just decided her and I will talk to each other that's all. I am going to invite her for drinks tomorrow. He hasn't told her about my problems with them. I'm not going to be a bitch. I just want to hear her end of it. I've talked to him since I posted this question. According to him, she was the one who set us up in the first place. So I want to know why.

    • Oh thats great. Good luck with that.

  • Sorry but you're coming across as a jealous control freak. No guy with a spine is going to put up with that kind of shit. Do you trust him so little?

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  • It's a hard topic no doubt, but the feeling of discomfort you feel is going to turn into resentment.. Try to find a middle ground or a compromise that works for both of you.

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    • He's not willing to compromise since they've done it every year since they met. He says they work better as a team for the football picks, and they've won every year.

  • No you have no right, he is right on this.

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  • They are just friends. A girlfriend who tries to separate the bond between friends is a fiend that should be removed. You are not comfortable with it, but it is his life, so you have to deal with it because he told you they're just friends and he probably hasn't given you any reason to doubt his word either.

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    • It's not him I don't trust, he's always been loyal to his girlfriends. I've seen with his ex-girlfriends. It's HER I don't trust. She might try to cozy up to him while they are picking their teams up the week. They do it every week apparently. I don't see why it has to be done every week.

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    • I am not sure what to make of that but it seems they are just trying to diffuse the situation. Perhaps you can give him the benefit of the doubt this time, but I won't deny that you do have the right to complain about it if you really do sense something is out of place.

    • Well I am planning to talk to her next. I want to know what her motive was to get him to date me, if that is even true. I can tell when she is lying. She is a horrible liar. So tomorrow night, I am going to invite her out for drinks and have a girl talk. I guess it's the best I can do. He refuses to talk to me about it anymore. It will probably make him even angrier, but if he cares enough about me then he'd understand. I've even asked him how he would feel if I was teaming up with some guy who had a crush on me. He said he trusts me enough, but he would talk to the guy and not me. So that's how I got the idea to talk to her. He said it's not the same thing though, because she got over him years ago and she even calls him the brother she never had. Either way, I am just going to talk to her tomorrow. She's the one I have an issue with anyway, not him.

What Girls Said 2

  • You may be a bit insecure, but the Best way today to Move on from it is to Remember that he Chose You and She has a guy of her own and that Both are just friends till the end.
    No, This would not bother me. However, if they were playing games behind your back and the other One's back on hios own end, then I would have something to lock horns over.
    Good luck. xx

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  • I mean just because he's dating you doesn't mean that he has to pick you for everything... If you can't trust him with other girls then you should really reconsider your current relationship

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