My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, and everything is going well except for a few things. My boyfriend is a musician and is trying to get his name out there and hopefully become successful one day. He plays at a lot of open mic and restaurants/cafes. However, recently he told me that when I'm at his shows he won't be affectionate or anything towards me because he doesn't want to scare off any girls that could be potential "Instagram followers". He also told me that he might ask me not to go to certain shows because he wants to network and he thinks that if girls see he has a girlfriend they won't approach him. He had a show last night and didn't tell me about it until I asked what his plans were for the night, but didn't seem too enthusiastic about telling me. I ended up going but felt awkward because I felt that if he wanted me to go he would have invited me. I want to support him but not if he doesn't want me at certain shows. Should I be upset with them about this? or is what he is doing understandable? We're also both 20 years old
Most Helpful Guy
I know this hurts, but you are dating a WORKING MUSICIAN. As someone who was in the school band my whole life, and worked in live audio for bands afterwards (in other words, WAS a musician and spent tons of time around musicians), there is nearly a zero chance of the two of you having a successful relationship. Musicians have a reputation for infidelity and for not making their relationships a priority FOR VERY GOOD REASON!
Assuming he has the talent, finds the right management, and gets a break or two, he'll have to tour and travel a lot. You mostly won't be able to come along, and even if you do, his job is going to take up nearly all of his time, and there simply won't be much left over for you. Plus, you're going to have to contend with women literally throwing themselves at him, along with hundreds more who merely idolize him. No man can remain faithful with that kind of constant onslaught - there is simply too much temptation, loneliness, and it's just too easy to stray.
Plus, he's 20? Are you for real? He's no where near old enough to want to settle down, even if he was an office worker or something. But a 20-year-old working musician? You've simply got no chance. None. Nada.
I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but I've seen it so many times it's boring. Hell, I even got 1-2% of what the band got just by being the sound guy, and it's INTENSE. It's only a matter of time, so decide now if it's worth spending any more of your precious time on something that will never last.3
Most Helpful Girl
No, I don't think this is understandable at all. I actually am sad for you.
You're not a priority to him, It really doesn't matter how long you guys have been dating, because a soured relationship can be 2 months, 2 years, or 20 years old.
You seem like a good girlfriend, supporting his music career. You're literally not at fault here in this situation, and I always try to think about all perspectives. Usually, in relationships, both people are wrong, sometimes one more than the other, but in your situation, your "boyfriend of two years" is choosing work over you. Except this isn't a "I work hard for my beautiful girlfriend" thing-- this is a "I want to get famous and having a girlfriend is getting in my way" thing. From an outsider's perspective, you're no longer a priority to him anymore. He's pushing you literally 100% behind the curtains. He's not thinking about your feelings anymore.
This is my opinion. If you're in a relationship (hypothetical "you"), you should love and be proud and show off your lover. Some people would agree with this, some people wouldn't.
He's literally a selfish asshole who doesn't deserve you, in my opinion. Like, you can't even argue with me that he's a selfish asshole. You should leave him unless you want to stay and always be invisible, never be known as his babe, be the girlfriend of a guy who doesn't care about your feelings, and wants other girls to notice him-- and pushes you aside himself so that can happen.
I'm sorry, boyfriends are supposed to do that? In what world.
And the sad thing is, if you leave him, it'll probably be more relieving for him then heartbreaking.0