Is it fair to say that while most young men are looking for a good looking, most women want a confident, charismatic guy in their life? If so, there's nothing wrong with this. My only qualm is that some people say society stops women asking men out for fear of being slut-shamed. Let's be honest here: men need to TAKE INITIATIVE if they are to be considered dominant, masculine and therefore, attractive. In reality, it's hard for both men AND women to talk to some some stranger to to ask them out. As for the confident woman, who is labelling her as a 'slut'? The smooth, attractive guy she went over to? The barista? Anyone nearby who probably isn't listening to the interaction and that the woman probably won't see again in her lifetime anyway? And if women are labelled 'sluts' what are the guys that get rejected labelled as? Beta male chumps?
so, there's lots of things involved. what girls tend to prefer isn't bad per se as long as they are honest about what they REALLY want in a man. this can change but status seems to be what attracts most. women can sometimes be initiators but they tend to either be older women that approach average men or younger girls approaching high-status celebrity types. consensus is that slut-shaming only generally tends to exist in social-circle game. this is due to the familiarity amongst the participants
final update: i would like to thank everyone that contributed to the discussion. consensus seems to be that confidence and a positive outlook on life are the most seductive traits. since it is not as necessary an attribute for men as it is for women, it's why men are generally required to initiate courtship, though women may give out approach indicators. i have discovered some of the changes in mindset required to obtain these desirable characteristics in the below discussion.
You see it pretty well. I would say that it is mostly other women who call each other sluts, part of their social games and such. Men do not care because sex, but they will when it comes to marriage. As for guys being dominant etc that is becoming more rare due to attend in current society to emasculated them. Men are labeled as chumps or virgins etc. The issue is that the sexes view sex differently. For men it is akin to using the restroom, not always necessary but if you dont, you go crazy. For women, it is a pleasurable experience, and is used to connect.
I personally care a lot about intelligence, values, a sense of humor and just a good overall connection and compatibility score. I wouldn't say I look for a charismatic guy per say and mostly when women say we like confidence it just means we dont want a guy who isn't secure in himself and isn't afraid to initiate sometimes.
The main reason I dont ask guys out is because im afraid of looking desperate or clingy. A lot of guys my age seem to like the chase and get turned off when a girl initiates. Especially initiailly. When Im dating a guy I have no issue in taking the lead but I still feel like the first move needs to be initiated by a guy more or less. It should be balanced after that.
Well... I wouldn't think that a woman who makes the first step is a slut. She just knows what she wants. I heard that many times and it upsets me! Knowing what you want and being independent does NOT make you a slut! It makes you a strong and independent woman. She's a doer! If I know a guy and I share feelings, I won't hesitate and I'll just tell him how I feel about him. It's not that hard! I confessed to my crush a month ago and, even though he turned me down, I didn't regret telling him how I felt. Absolutely not.
I am attracted to a man who is sure of himself, passionate, smart, and hilarious.
I personally don't have an issue asking a guy out as long as I feel like he's worth the shot. However, there are instances where I either wait to see if he'll ask me/I won't ask him. Some guys are actually put off by women who ask, first of all, and take it as a sign of aggressive personality, when really it isn't - so I tend to give guys I'm interested in a certain period of time where I'll see if they ask, and if they don't, I will. The only other time I won't ask is if I feel like his signals or intentions aren't clear.
As for other women, I think a lot of them are afraid, like I said, to be perceived as aggressive, or as desperate. There's also the same thing a lot of people are afraid of: rejection. There's lots of reasons but I think these are the most common.
I like a guy who I can have a conversation with and feel comfortable with And for there looks it's a bonus if they have nice hair and a built body And gorgeous eyes And I dont ask them out because I feel like they will reject me then tell everyone this is from a teens point I hope I'll feel differently in the future haha
Women get negativity no matter what they do. Sadly I've been learning this going into adulthood and IT SUCKS!
A woman should be able to ask a man out if she wants to without fear of being shamed or having someone think something is wrong with her. We don't look at men that way, we see them as being confident and going for what they want.
My main reason for not asking guys out is I feel they won't be interested in me. There's so much hate out there for plus sized women that it makes it incredibly difficult to want to do anything. I have to 'warn' guys about my size before I even meet them, because god forbid they waste their time by going out for coffee with a girl who then they find out is plus sized and is not attractive to them.
I don't know about you, but I don't expect much when I meet a person for coffee. But if I at least have a decent conversation with them, then great! I don't think I've wasted my time if I'm not attracted to the guy or if he isn't someone I want to date. At least I had a decent conversation.
I get that it's a big deal for some people and they have a right to not be attracted to me. But to make someone feel bad about themselves, no matter how they look is not right. You don't know their story. I guess that fear or being ridiculed has kept me from going after guys in person.
I have no problems sending messages on line though. And I will let a guy know I like him. But I will never approach.
I've always feared that if I approached a guy that he would laugh in my face, as odd as that sounds. I know it must be irrational to think that. But it's my biggest fear, so I just never approach guys.
A sense of humor is very important. I like guys that can make me laugh but are also okay with me being funny, as well. A lot of guys I've talked to could have been thought of as attractive but their communication skills were rusty. If you don't know how to keep a conversation going or don't know when to stop talking, that is a major turn off. He has to be witty and know how to use his words to communicate effectively. If not, it's just awkward
Some guys have told me (when I was younger) that they hated girls pursuing them and it made them think she was lower value. I think some guys give mixed signals on that one, which is why females are so genuinely confused.
The main reason women don't ask out men is that many of them already have a lot men asking them out. All they need to do is to choose the most confidente and better one. The life is really pink for most women.
Woman don't ask out men because they don't have to. There basically guaranteed to get dates from guy if they do nothing. A guy is basically guaranteed to be single for life if he doesn't ask a girl out.
As a guy I've always detested the gender role that guys have to approach, make the first move and ask out, be the initiator, and I don't know why, because people argue that men are natural hunters, men evolved to be the pursuers, if that is the case then I never ever felt close to having those instincts
Fact of the matter: Dating is MUCH harder for men, than women. So we men either need to play by the book (that is, initiating) or just stay single. Because most women will NOT approach men. They don't need to, since men always do the approaching.
The only way women will start approaching men, is if men stop asking out women, or at least reduce it. I don't see this happening, though.