How can a person say that we were "Just friends with benefits for 2 years"?

I was more emotionally attached to this person than he was to me. I moved out of state to see where things would go even though he wanted nothing serious. (stupid on my part yes, no regrets) I started to have deep feelings for him and tried talking to him about it and he never would give me straight answers. We were intimate in December then again 2 times in August. I moved back to my hometown. He said he wants to come see me but why would I. He brought me something I asked for before I left. We had a lot of good times together. I told him before I left that he and i both should have backed away when I started to get emotionally attached and he said for that he was sorry he didn't. I just don't understand


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Men and women are DIFFERENT!

    Men can (and often do) have sex with women they find physically attractive, but have no feelings for, and having sex, even a lot of sex over a long period of time, WILL *NOT* CAUSE HIM TO DEVELOP FEELINGS FOR HER. Generally, men fall in love instantly (the first time the spend some significant amount of time with someone) or not at all, and having sex doesn't change that (for MOST men - there is always the rare exception).

    Women work differently - having sex causes most women to get emotionally attached, even if they didn't want to, or didn't have feelings in the beginning.

    The thing is: if you start a friends with benefits relationship, you are agreeing NOT TO HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS OF FEELINGS IN THE FUTURE, regardless of how much time and sex you have together! That is the very definition of friends with benefits. So, in your case, YOU are the one who violated your original agreement, not him.

    The lesson here is: most women shouldn't have, or even attempt, friends with benefits relationships, because they honestly lack the ability to have them and keep to their agreement. And it isn't fair to be upset at the guy, who kept his end of the bargain, just because you now want to change the rules.

    Your issue is that, despite your agreement, you ASSUMED that men work just like women, and would EVENTUALLY fall in love. Well, now you know that this assumption is false, and you have only yourself to blame. In the future, make smarter decisions, and realize that men are DIFFERENT and have very different perspectives on sex, love, and relationships than women do.

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    • So why intoduce me to his family, spend Christmas together with his family, and hang with his sister and her family? Share a toothbrush, go on vacations together. USER is he? Afraid to commit?

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    • So then he can have more than 1 friend with benefits for ever and not let either one know about it? I do know that women are different from men emotionally. We even talked about being the one for each other. and how did we know it. I get that I was a sex toy for him for 2 years but will never understand how people can do that with out any feelings or emotions involved.

    • It's okay not to understand HOW they do it, but vital to understand that they DO IT, and that, for most men, it's normal and common to be able to do it.

      This doesn't mean men don't fall in love and have emotional connections - they do - but as I said, it almost always either happens from the very beginning or not at all, and sex won't change that. So, if love/emotional connection is what you are looking for, then you should be able to figure out how he's feeling within a month or two, and if he's not feeling the same way you are, you need to move along, or otherwise you're just wasting your time.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I had a friends with benefits while I was single for two years too. We were just very sexually compatible and physically and sexually attracted. It was an open friends with benefits, nothing exclusive at all. Neither one of us ever had feelings for each other, believe it or not. We were friends with benefits and close friends. Now I'm in a relationship with someone else, and he's still my closest friend but he doesn't do anything inappropriate (he's very respectful-- and was a good fuck buddy, and is a good friend). My current boyfriend even knows him, sometimes we're hanging out in the same friend group, and likes him, lol. Very clean relationships. I hate drama, I'm very happy I don't get any shit.

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What Guys Said 1

  • They said it because it was just sex to them.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Guys don't get emotionally attached the way we do.

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