I'm still in love with my ex but I have a boyfriend?

I was with my ex for about a year. He was my first love, and I was totally and completely heartbroken when we decided to break up. In the heat of the moment, we both said that we were never going to see each other again. That being said, I started to move on. I found a new guy, who is wonderful and treats me great-- except I always found myself comparing him to my ex; I would also fantasize about my ex while I was with my new guy. I tried to ignore it though, hoping that my feelings would just fade with time. Just recently, my ex and I ran into each other, and since then, we've been talking every day. He knows I have a boyfriend, but my boyfriend does not know about him. I know I'm still very much in love with my ex, and I don't think I will ever develop those feelings for my new guy. But again, he is so wonderful and I don't want to hurt him. What should I do?


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What Girls Said 3

  • I would talk to your current boyfriend about it. Things will only get worse if you aren’t homest with him. I’m sure no one likes be second best. If you suspect he always will be, don’t string him along—that’s cruel. Maybe you two can work things out, but it’s not possible if you hide things like this from him.

    However, if you decide your current relationship isn’t working or isn’t fair to your current boyfriend, I wouldn’t jump back into a relationship with your ex (especially not right away). You both need to look at what went wrong in your relationship. Is it fixable? Do both of you actually want to be together? If you don’t think things will work with either one of them, consider being single for a while.

    Make a list of the three main things you really want or feel that you really need in a relationship. You should also make a list of three main things you will not tolerate in any relationship. Don’t just focus on stuff like your sex life. Although connecting in the bedroom is also important, you won’t spend the entirety of your relationship having sex. Think about the long-term. (If you come to the conclusion that you don’t want a long-term relationship at this time, that’s fine.) This enables you to be more honest with yourself and others. You should be willing to compromise in a relationship, but you also need to stand by your principles and know when a relationship is working. You might even ask your partner to make a list as well. Good luck with everything!

  • It's best if you break up with your current boyfriend if these are the feelings you're having. It's not fair to lead him on, especially seeing as you've admitted you're still in love with your ex.

  • Leave your boyfriend. He deserves better.