Should I tell him that I'm not attracted to him?

There's a guy who really likes me and although we aren't in a relationship just of yet, he already is talking about having a future with me (eg. Marriage) and meeting his family. First of all, he's a great guy. He's funny, smart and has a good heart. I'm beating myself up on the inside. I just can't seem to be attracted to him and it's eating me up! I really like him but it's just this one stupid flaw. I'm by far attractive. I'm sure I'm no Marilyn Monroe, but I take ultra care of my appearance. He's from a different country and dresses like such. For a lack of a better phrase, his clothing is BAD. He doesn't believe that a man should 'dress up' like a woman. He doesn't shave often and he has acne that he doesn't seem to want to get rid of. As I said, there's a lot of things about him that just completely turn me off but I won't get into that so much. It's his attitude about certain things and he makes certain faces that look bad. I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy, but I'm not attracted to him physically and it's really putting a damper on things. I don't want to waste time, but I'm already 23 and it seems like I'll never meet a nice guy. I just want a good man. How do I break this to him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well you do what you need to do. Just so you know I dont think American women dress up at all, most of them actually dress worse then women from other countries (tank tops, shirts with low cut tops, shorts that are shorter then they should be, skirts shorter then those shorts, none of that is dressing up and yet American women seem to think that a sleeveless shirt with a low cut collar and mini skirt are dressing up, no way. So I really dont think there is a need for him to dress a certain way, that is expecting too much, why do we wear clothes at all? To protect us from the elements, so in that sense if his clothes are doing that job then why should you judge him based on that? If he doesn't shave I agree that can look very sloppy, but its up to him, and his acne, maybe his acne won't go away, did you ever think of that? When I was in high school and my first year of college I struggled with HORRIBLE acne, I mean it was disgusting, I couldnt even look at myself in the mirror it was so ugly, I tried everything, over the counter, I went to a dermatologist and got hard core prescription acne medication, which put me in the hospital because I had an allergic reaction that almost killed me. After that I just gave up on trying to get rid of it, a lot of girls wandered why an otherwise good looking guy like myself wouldn't try to get rid of my acne, but they didn't understand it literally wouldn't go away. This guy could have the same issue, maybe he has given up all hope on making it go away like I did. Either way though if his appearance is a bit "sloppy" why should that matter? Maybe he has other things on his mind and doesn't have time to take care of himself. Either way though, if you aren't attracted to him just tell him, its not the end of the world. He will be sad for a couple days, maybe a week or 2 but he will get over it, you aren't even going out yet, if you got engaged and you broke it off that could be a lot worse, but this is fine.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have had this exact thing happen before but I thought that even though I didn't like him I had to make an effort because that was the least he deserved. I should've just told him I wasn't attracted to him but in a sense I tried to. I had actually first told him no but I felt too bad about it later because he said he would still fight for me so I finally gave in. This was a big mistake. We were great friends and by far the nicest person I have ever met but I just wasn't feeling it so his arm around me and our hugs and kisses were not great for me. Finally after a week I couldn't keep living the lie and with my head down in shame I broke up with him and he told me he was more crushed than he would've been if I had never dated him in the first place. I felt terrible and he has never been the same, I think he's bitter now. 23 isn't old so don't think you won't find love and break it to him gently say you think he's great and apologize, he's going to be hurt but it's still better than going out with him even though you aren't physically attracted to him because it'll just end anyways.

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What Guys Said 2

  • For god sakes Alyssa. Get over Luke already.

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  • Break up, but you probably should give some other reason than you aren't attracted to his appearance as to why you are breaking up with him, not because its a bad thing, but because it would be hurtful and a huge dent to his ego (probably). Never start or stay in a relationship with a guy you aren't physically attracted to, it would basically be a form prostitution at some point.

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    • I noticed you said you weren't dating, so obviously you can't break up with him, just let him know you aren't interested, but don't give not being attracted to him as the reason.

What Girls Said 1

  • Why can't you just be honest but in a kind way? Just tell him that you are flattered by his attention but you that you are not interested in pursuing something with him because you don't feel a physical connection. Chemistry is important but you don't feel that spark between you.

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