Do I tell my friend that their partner cheated on them?

I have two friends who've been dating for a while and one of them recently cheated on the other (met up with another person knowing something was going to happen and they kissed) and told me because they knew that I wouldn't be able to get angry at them or have the guts to tell the other partner. I have been told by friends that this is why they told me and it makes me feel betrayed. But I've been trying to figure out the right thing to do because the person who cheated has told me they won't do it again but they're still talking to the person they cheated with which I think is a big no no. And if I had been cheated on and one of my friends knew, I would want to know about it straight away but I feel like the worst person even though I didn't do the dirty work. I know the partner that cheated won't speak up at all because they dont think what they did was that bad. And the partner that was cheated on will continue to do everything to please the other just to keep their relationship afloat because they don't know whats going on. I know its not my place to say anything but i've already tried to point the partner that was cheated on in the right direction to find out but they're so clueless because they'd never assume this would happen to them.

  • Tell the partner they've been cheated on
    87% (40)82% (31)85% (71)Vote
  • Keep it to myself
    13% (6)18% (7)15% (13)Vote
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Updates:
I've tried telling my friend that they need to stop talking to the boy they cheated with & that she needs to tell her boyfriend even if she has no intention of doing it again but she's one of those people that the more you tell them what to do & to take responsibility, the more likely they will do the opposite. I've already messed up by trying to tell the boyfriend that he needs to talk to his girlfriend but he's so clueless as to why & doesn't understand, I'd have to spell it out for him.
Im stuck now in a position where I either have to tell the boyfriend he's been cheated on or tell them they have nothing to worry about which I feel is morally wrong. But I have a stronger relationship with the girlfriend who cheated than the boyfriend and this puts me in a sticky situation; am I ready to potentially lose a friendship with a friend i've had for years just because my moral compass points me to telling the boyfriend he's been cheated on because its the right thing to do.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • the fact that your female friend is putting you under a lot of stress by her not making you tell it, says it all. she is a louzy friend, if you like that guy, maybe tell him but be prepared for some serious consequences. you could end up losing 2 friends , but if it comes out and she tells him you didn't tell him either he feels betrayed. its either a win lose situation or a lose lose situation. i think the only good thing you could do, is by telling him that you need to speak to him, that you won't tell him whats wrong, but that his girlfriend has to do some serious explaining. that you care about him, and that you deserve the truth out of her mouth. she will hate you for it, but do you need a friend who has no morals? or you give her an ultimatum and tell her how you feel, how it upsets you that she makes you keep your mouth shut, for all the wrong reasons. tell her if she won't tell him within 2 days, that you will inform him and he will ask her personally. i always say this, people can make 2 types of mistakes. 1. sometimes we hurt the people we love not willingly, and sometimes we hurt the people we love knowing it will hurt them. the 2nd type of mistake is an act of pure selfishness.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • yes they deserve to know that they've been cheated on

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What Guys Said 12

  • Think about it this way:

    Cheaters are liars. Cheaters don't care about the feelings of their supposed loved ones, at least not enough to NOT cheat. Cheaters are pieces of shit.

    Do you really want to stay friends with someone like that?

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  • I would cut all ties with the cheater. They put you in a terrible spot so they are not a good friend.

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  • It's clear why these woman get cheated on.

    They are able to attract men who are gorgeous and able to have sex with them.

    Woman can hookup with men who are more attractive than themselves.

    So it gives them this distorted sense of entitlement of who they can date.

    So they reject guys who are probably at the same physical attractiveness level as themselves. Because they think they can get better men.

    What they don't realize these gorgeous men just want to hookup and not date them.

    So these girls think they can get these gorgeous men to date them cause they can get them to have sex with them.

    So they reject guys in the "same" league as them. Maybe the guy could even be a bit higher on the attractiveness scale than her. But the girl is able to attract a more gorgeous man than the man is able to attract a more gorgeous girl.

    So girls keep rejecting men at the same level of attractiveness as themselves. And go for something higher. They usually succeed because it is not hard for a girl to get a man to have sex with her.

    The woman who get cheated on are usually the ones who are dating out of their league and not giving guys at the same attractiveness level as themselves a chance.

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  • The very fact that friend underestimates you and that's the reason why she told you IS the very same reason other than cheaters don't get any slack is the reason why you should tell the guy about his "gf" and what she's been doing behind his back.

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  • Cheaters are assholes looking for something different than they have, but are just scared to be outside of a relationship. tell your friend about the cheater.

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  • I hate to say it, but you need to speak up. The truth hurts sometimes, but that's neither yours nor your friend's fault - at least in this instance. I'd rather know, so that I realize what kind of person I'm spending with if she cheated on me.

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  • i´d give him some time to tell be honest. but ultimately i´d tell on him. did it before and didn´t regret it.

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  • Tell them, it's the right thing to do

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  • No, stay out of it. These kinds of things usually backfire on the squealer.

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    • So you would be happy if you've been cheated on and your friend knew about it but didn't tell you?

    • Been there before. Is what it is.

  • That's what friends are for man.

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  • they deserve to know the truth about what their partner is doing. tell them

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  • I think you shouldn't be friends with the cheater.

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What Girls Said 20

  • I 'd get angry if a friend of mine knew my partner cheated on me and didn't tell me about it. So, go up to the one who cheated, and tell him/her to go to his/her partner and say the truth, or you 'll do it instead.

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  • Honesty is always the best thing for everyone no matter how much it hurts you, or them, or friendships. The truth will set you free. Consider this: would you want to know if you're being cheated on? I'm sure no one would want to know that type of information, but at the same time, how horrible would you feel if later on, maybe years later you found out not only the sad fact you'd been cheated on, but the fact that one of your friends knew, kept it from you, and every single time they saw you had that kind of secret in the back of their mind?

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  • I wouldn't say anything, it's not a situation you want to be in the middle of any more than you already are.

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  • Yes, let your friend know that you have something important to talk with him about. This will be painful, no matter what the outcome, so try to arrange a meeting in a place that is relatively isolated rather than at a noisy nightclub.

    A park, the field at school, your house all of these things will work well.

    Good luck.

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  • You can tell them, but remember that the messenger is likely to get shot. You will probably lose at least one friendship out of the deal so be prepared for that. You might even lose two. If you are willing to sacrifice your friendship by doing the right thing, tell your friend.

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  • I think you need to tell the person doing the cheating that the only reason you are keeping it secret is because they promised not to do it again and they are still talking to the person? Give them the chance to end it...

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  • Seriously, do the right thing and tell the other friend. It's never ever ok to cheat, and yeah, this will be hard for you no doubt. But your friend has to know so they can make the right decision from there. What if this other friend cheats again? People may well say that they won't do it again... but considering she's still talking to this other guy, then there's a high probability she'll do it again. I just think it's so lame and low, and just never excusable. Please do the right thing by your guy friend and tell him, he deserves better than a cheat, for once a cheat... always a cheat. That's my motto.

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  • I had a friend who did this, she did not really know what was going on with the guy she was kinda seeing. And told me she slept with herex boyfriend, and I told her that she needed to tell the guy what she did, she was hesitant, but I continusly pointed it out why and she did and took resiposibillity. I was really proud of doing so, not of the cheating but she took resisponsibillity of it. :/

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  • Well this sucks it had happened with me try to get the person to confess and I they won't then tell your friend but it'd be better if you could back it up too

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  • Tell them.

    If you're worried, sit your friend down and tell them to confess that they've cheated or else you will. This way they can choose whether to tell them or not

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  • Be a good friend and tell your friend. Yes they are both your friend but one is getting hurt by the other's doing. Do the right thing

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  • You should tell them.

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  • I say tell them

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  • Yes, you should tell. Your friend deserves to know the truth.

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  • Tell them, be honest.

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  • I hate cheaters!!!

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  • Of course you should tell but be prepared to be yelled at :(

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  • They'll find out on their own
    NONE of your business - you will be whipped for any actions taken
    Things work out as they should

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  • You should tell!

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  • I value loyalty and i would be furious if a friend put me in this situation. I would tell him that my conscience wouldn't allow me to cover up such deceit. If i didn't tell her i'd feel i had betrayed her , because i was keeping her boyfriends betrayal a secret.

    I would tell him that if he doesn't tell her then i would. My loyalties would lie with her not him, because he is in the wrong, he is the one being disloyal , and i wouldn't be a third party to his betrayal.

    I would never cheat on a guy , so i would never cover up for a cheater and keep their dirty little secret.

    I would definitely tell my friend , because a friend deserves trust and loyalty. If i didn't tell her , not only would she be betrayed by her boyfriend.. she'd be betrayed by me too.

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