Why is it that the vast majority of women want to be in a relationship before having sex?

What happends if you are in a relationship and you both just don't connect sexually? You would have spent all of that time and effort just to break up.


0|0
24|10

Most Helpful Girl

  • Because some of you men want to have your cake and eat it too. Some of you guys want to fuck as many girls as you can but you won't get into a relationship with a girl who you think is easy so the girl feels she has to wait because some of you men will not date her if you try to fuck her and she agrees to it

    8|1
    1|1
    • This post is the most logical. Just as equally women want men to take them out on many dates and romance them even though men have to pay and plan everything. All the woman has to do is show up and look good. Now more and more men are being pressured to look good. What is a good solution to this dilemma?

    • Thanks for mho

    • I don't know but dating is hard

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is one thing I don't understand about some women. Why some of them are so easy to have sex with a guy they wouldn't date, but when the perfect guy comes by, she wants to wait months to be in a relationship with, in order to have sex?
    Makes no sense to me.

    2|3
    4|0
    • exactly!!
      oh this guy isn't relationship material, I better fuck him right away

      oh this guy would be a great boyfriend, I'm going to make him wait 😈

    • Show All
    • @lilac_flowers

    • "How can a guy tell the difference between a girl who is genuinely hard to get and is actually consistent in making guys wait versus a girl who is just pretending to be hard to get?"
      You can't unless she has a reputation you can hear about. Otherwise, you just can't know.

      "You said she makes the quality guy wait because she wants to keep him but if girls raise their standards for casual sex and hook up with guys out of their league, wouldn't that mean the guy who gets sex without trying is actually the quality guy?"
      No. It's the out-of-her-league-guy. He's quality too, but since he's too high above her league, she doesn't try with him. He is mostly not interested in dating either.

What Girls Said 23

  • Lemme tell ya a story.
    My sister had sex with a guy on the first date, first day she met him, that day he also became her boyfriend. Now they broke up a few days ago after being together for a year and a half.
    She told me that she will never have sex with a guy so early on again, it was a mistake, with next guys she'll wait much longer. WHY? Apparently, like she said, if you do everything so early on, there's pretty much nothing left, not much to look forward to and be excited about, it's not interesting.
    I don't know man, that could be the reason why.

    6|4
    0|0
    • 6/10, story needs explosions

    • Show All
    • There are many ways to make a relationship interesting. Your sister is probably young because you are only 18. With the same logic then marriage must be boring.

    • She's gonna turn 16 soon.
      I'm just going off by what she told me, I don't know :S

  • Because we associate sex with safety, love, commitment, being wanted, belonging...

    Without that, it's just rubbing genitals and we don't really have the urge to rub them as often as you guys do, nor do we feel like we accomplished something when we do it.
    It doesn't feed our ego, it just represses our emotional needs.

    10|1
    1|1
  • Because it's not uncommon for guys to use women for sex then dispose of them.

    8|2
    1|0
    • Just as equally it isn't uncommon for women to use men for money and just to pay for first dates

    • Show All
    • They do this because they think you will think less of their masculinity @Esplorare

    • @Asker Not necessarily. You can't just assume that any guy who does that does it because you think that.

  • they probably want to make sure they aren't being used.
    i get what you mean tho. but sometimes we think if we like each other enough, we can make the sex work.

    4|2
    0|0
  • I'm not going to have sex with someone I don't love. Sex is something sacred to me and it's a shame to me that people just do it willynilly with anyone. That's just my opinion of course. Everyone is entitled to their own. I think sex should be with the one you love, not someone you barely know or who you are doing it with just to get off. But you do you and I'll do me.

    2|0
    0|0
  • 1) because the sex will probably be a lot better if you really like that person which would take time to achieve
    2) the anticipation will also probably make it better
    3) because we want to know he is not just using us for sex
    4) we want to know that we are the only girl he is having sex with

    i would have to at least be properly dating someone exclusively before i had sex with them for the above reasons

    3|1
    0|0
    • 1) that is a myth because sexual chemistry is not determined based on connect. That is a myth that Hollywood likes to portray.

      2) anticipation makes it better from your perspective but not from the guys perspective

      3) women tend to use men for first dates because men always have to pay, so with that logic you should split the bill

      4) just because he has sex with you doesn't mean that you are his only woman. Plenty of men have cheated and have had multiple women going at the same time

    • Show All
    • Because i need logical opinions not positioned ones

    • opinions ARE positioned lol. that's why it's an opinion. and who are you to determine whether my opinions are logical? most women i know would agree with every point i made. don't bother asking the question if you attack people who don't give you the answer you want to hear. how immature.

  • I need time to connect emotionally before I feel comfortable connecting sexually. To me sex is more than just a physical act and needs emotional attraction as well as sexual attraction. What people seem to forget is that sex is just as much a mental thing as it is a physical thing. Another thing is trust. I'm going to be in situation where I'm completely vulnerable. I want to be able to completely trust my partner. I know I would feel uncomfortable with having sex really early on and there's no point in having sex when you feel uncomfortable because it's not even going to be good.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Most rather have meaningful sex than meaningless. So most of the time the meaningful one is with the person they are in a relationship with.

    3|1
    0|0
    • but if it still feels horrible then why does it matter?

    • Some women have a hard time getting turned on by a total stranger and really getting into it.

      Nobody knows how they will truly respond during it. So even if you love the person and feel turned on. Doesn't mean that you truly love them on a subconscious level and enjoy it 100%.

  • I just don't like the idea of trusting someone I barely know with my body. I mean, I'm not someone who would wait half a year before having sex with them, but a month at least and we both have to agree and understand that we're committed to each other. I'm not one for the polyamorous lifestyle either.

    2|0
    0|0
  • if a woman connects emotionally its unusual for her to not connect sexually.

    0|1
    0|0
    • HAHAHAHA, I just got out of this kind of relationship. I HIGHLY DISAGREE

    • well thats 1 girl. I know I am attracted to someone mentally over physically...

  • It doesn't really make sense to me to be honest. Women act like having sex out of a relationship is them being used.. But why is it seen that way? You're both having sex so neither are being used. Why do women act as if in having sex they are losing part of themselves?

    1|0
    0|0
    • I get your point but I think is because a woman gets slut shamed for it

    • @iamyourneighbour Only because she allows herself to. The majority of people who slut shame are women, it can't all be blamed on men.

    • I don't get that either. They both had sex because that's what they wanted at that moment so they both should be fine with it. Now if one is expecting it to end after that and the other wants to continue seeing them than that's the problem. Still doesn't mean either one was used though.

  • Because they can get used and fucked over

    1|1
    0|0
  • Well I can't speak for anybody else, but I would make any guy wait. Genitalia disgusts me, but it's something I want to get over. But still because of that, and because of my feelings regarding sex, I would have to be with someone I trusted immensely. I would have to have that amount of trust for him if I'm going to have him help me get over my repulsion, and should I succeed, actually have sex with him. I would never want to have sex outside of committed relationship if I have sex at all.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its just women are programmed. Believe me there's shit guys do that we don't understand either.

    2|0
    0|0
  • They don't want to be a hooker.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's more meaningful.

    1|1
    0|0
  • From what I've witnessed, when people have sex and with who is all over the place and seems to be pretty personal.

    Some people don't have casual sex, or if they do, it's been a very out of character experience. Most people have those times where they do something we don't normally do because of our current mood, the atmosphere, etc. It could be a single ONS, or smoking a cigarette now and then or not wearing their seatbelt. Etc.

    Some people have lots of casual sex and tend to sleep with both casual partners and relationship ones early.

    Some people don't have much casual sex, but tend to jump from relationship to relationship quickly and things get serious very soon.

    Some people only have sex with people they know well - so they might do a friends with benefits with a guy they've known for years, but wait to get to know a guy they just met a bit longer.

    Some people only have casual sex with people they know they won't fall for and try to protect themselves from getting hurt with someone they think they will care for.

    Some people have no plan whatsoever and you can't really make any theories, as all of their decisions are made as they go along.

    Etc.

    It's not just girls. I know the guys I was friends with also varied in their behaviors and comfort level with sex.

    It's also not just girls who sleep with hotter people than they settle down with. I've seen many guy friends pull girls who were "out of their league" as guys were saying here. I've also seen female friends hook up with guys that they weren't even attracted to.

    People are odd. It's hard to pin them all down into one uniform IF/THEN statement.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Personally, I've been the one who has slept with a few guy friends, but tend to not feel comfortable sleeping with anyone unless he seems familiar and I feel comfortable with him. In reality, the "casual" sex took longer to build up than they boyfriend sex.

  • Because of your "number" and sexual experience (specifically lack of it) that guys seem to care so much about. As modern as we try to be, that's one thing that often still eats at many guys on a visceral level. Maybe it's not fair that I couldn't care less about his, and yet mine will bother him, but that's how it often is.

    So if you have sex with a guy before he's committed to you, and he bails, that's a wasted addition to your count that you now have to include when discussing your past with a future serious boyfriend/potential spouse. If you want to be honest at least.

    And you can't even say it was in a committed relationship. No, now it's relegated to "casual sex". Then let's say you move on to another guy, and again you don't wait for commitment and he leaves. Add one more to the list.

    Watch as that number goes up and up, and possibly jeopardizes your future relationship. All for guys who didn't even stick around. Is that worth it?

    Of course, you can choose not to care and just be with guys who also don't care if your partner count is sky high and you have a lot of sexual experience. The trend though is that those types of guys are also less likely to be interested in serious relationships and marriage. So cater to your target audience.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Everyone has their own pace, depending on how comfortable they are. I want a guy to respect me, and I'll respect him. If I feel like I am ready to have sex with him after the 3rd date, then I will (if we both are ready). If I am not ready, then I'll wait. If he can't, then oh well.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because we have common sense, plus there's the fear of pregnancy, contracting stds, & being used for sex.

    Health Facts:
    Nearly 10,000 young people (aged 13-24) were diagnosed with HIV infection in the United States in 2013.
    www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/sexualbehaviors/index.htm

    In 2013, a total of 273,105 babies were born to women aged 15–19 years
    http://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/about/index.htm

    Map of America showing areas affected by HIV from 2012:
    photos.prnewswire.com/prnvar/20150624/225437-INFO

    0|0
    0|0
  • For me personally I just don't want to have sex with someone I'm not committed to.
    Only once have I actually had to fight the desire to. Usually I just don't want it if we aren't exclusive with each other. Why should I give you a private and important part of me if you can't commit to me and only me and vice versa?
    I'm far from religious or spiritual but that's just how I've always felt.

    And girls will learn after giving it up to guys they think love them that you need to make him wait so he doesn't get what he wants and run off...

    0|0
    0|0
  • I dont really care about that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is a very good question! I myself believe that there has got to be sexually chemistry for a relationship to work. However you have to start from the basics... ie kissing, hugging, common interest, public affection etc.
    Remember sex does not form 100% of who you are, and although in some cases there is sexual chemistry; it does not always work out...
    So, the old fashion way always works:)

    2|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 9

  • I would expect it has a lot to do with women wanting to know if the guy isn't going to take advantage of them in some way. Also, the whole stigma of being a "slut" if a girl will have sex with some guy she doesn't know well enough.

    Women have a lot of reasons to give careful consideration to who they have sex with, and many guys being selfish jerks about sex is one of the big ones.

    5|0
    0|0
  • cf.chucklesnetwork.com/.../...t-it-and-quit-it.jpg

    Because you rather do what you just said then feel like a piece of meat or slut by just sleeping with someone just to have sex.

    0|0
    1|0
  • You are definitely thinking like a man. Women don't think like a man; they are different, and I am grateful for the differences, but. . . we will never understand them. End of story.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Cause girls are more emotional and psychological about sex. It's symbolic to them, etc.

    3|0
    0|0
  • Everyone wants sex male or female, it's just part of life. No matter how you see sex in the context of social norms, it is a very personal and intimate act any way you look at it. So many people ale and female need to be connected in some way in order to feel safe and comfortable enough for sex. This whole "hookup culture" is really in the minority once you pass 25 years old. Not saying it doesn't happen after that, but this expectation of no strings sex is just a widely accepted norm is absolutely absurd. Yeah I have sowed some wild oats in my life, but there's ways to do it with some class like a gentleman.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Some much value is placed on sex nowadays
    I don't know, i would make it work... figure out what she likes and do those things...

    Sometimes relationships, shouldn't be intimate and just friendly

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because they're foolish.

    1|1
    5|0
  • How about you, do you want to end up with someone that's been with everyone else?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because women have evolved to find random sex with non-superstar partners repellant, not attractive.

    While you may not want kids each time you have sex, and in fact, probably don't, what appeals to you IS based on evolutionary history. For most of our evolution, for males, any random sexual encounter was pretty much a plus. A 'relationship' (i. e. bonding with a female) is something you'd be more careful about, that had benefits, but you could only really raise one family at a time, so you needed to choose carefully. But any opportunity to have sex beyond that was a plus as it might spread your genes.

    On the other hand, for women, random sex is a terrible strategy. They can't spread there genes, they HAVE to be selective since they can only have one child every year or two. If the male is not going to help as a father, his genes would need to be superlative for it to be worthwhile.

    Now nobody is thinking that, but it's why still today, women don't just want to randomly hookup and maybe have a relationship, while most men would view that as 'at least we had sex', most women would view that as a 'gross' mistake.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...