What is your opinion when it comes to a healthy relationship and money?

My fiance wants us to get married and have kids, but wants to keep separate bank accounts. I think if you are together forever then everything should be joint. Keeping everything separate in our relationship so far frustrates me because all I end up doing is keeping track of all the $$ I've spent on us for dates/dinners/etc. I want us to be smart about everything, but just not sure what other couples do to make it work?

Updates:
I actually make more $$ than he does. I just wanted a joint account so I feel more together with him than separated. In the event we have kids I don't want to keep track of who contributes more to the relationship. It festers inside of me and gets me upset. I would think a joint account I wouldn't keep track of who puts in what.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The truth is neither will help if you are putting a priority on money, or watching it too much. A lot of people tend to think that if everything is separate, you will never fight about money. This is not necessarily true. As you said you are frustrated because you keep looking at all the money you have spent for dinners/dates/etc. It can lead to fights just as easily as joining all accounts. Like WHO pays for the utilities, vacations, dates etc?

    A classic couples fight, yes this is from my past, I buy name brand coffee. My girlfriend, doesn't like that I "waste my money on that" because the store brand is "just as good" (she is dead wrong by the way!) and I need to save my money so I have more for "important things". I am saving money and don't like that she is trying to tell me what to spend my money on (Except for our cell phones, and the lease everything is separate).

    Most couples I know (the successful ones anyway) tend to actually do both. They have a joint account for mortgage, utilities, insurance, repair bills, dates, etc, which each partner donates a set amount, either percentage of the bill or their paycheck. They typically also have another joint for retirement/savings, and then they each keep a personal savings account for things they want, but the other person might be annoyed by.

    For instance, they wife typically likes to shop and buy lots of clothes/shoes. A lot of men have a heart attack when they hear about the "great deal" their wives got and splurged a little. And the man is free to do the same, for instance buy himself a decent grind of coffee, lol.

    Also, if you are frustrated by lots of finance, and you feel like you might want your husband to mostly handle the joint account talk to him about it.

    Hope this helps!

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    • I did this. A joint account for all the bills, that we both contributed into, and our separate personal accounts. +1

    • Has for your update, a joint account is less about who puts in what, if that is what you want then go for it.

      I would still recommend separate accounts in addition though. Plus since he seems to like separate accounts it would be a compromise you both might like.

Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents each have their own and a joint account.

    If I remember correctly, I think that 75% of each of their paychecks goes into the joint account and 25% in each of their individual ones. They use the joint one to pay for joint things like the mortgage, food, my schooling (at least, the money invested for that came from the joint one), and vehicles.

    They use their own accounts for fun things they feel like doing. Going out to dinner, buying things for themselves, etc.

    But most of the money is communal. And for a while there back in '08 there were no separate accounts 'cause there wasn't enough to have separate ones.

    Plus they use their own accounts for birthday presents so the other doesn't know what their gift is when they see the bill :p

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What Guys Said 20

  • my wife and I have separate accounts and a joint account.

    you should be able to have some semblance of financial independence. at the same time as a relationship progresses it only makes sense to have a joint account (for things like bills, mortgages, credit cards, dates, vacations, etc)

    maybe suggest a joint account that you both put a pre-determined amount into monthly, weekly, biweekly or whatever.

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  • ehhh I don't know this is a different day and age. feminism and the feminist lobby made relationships very risky for a man. couple that with the fact that if a women sleeps with just 5 men the odds of her staying married for longer than 5 years is something like 20% or so. he's just being smart to be honest. if you want to share accounts than maybe you should consider signing a prenup.

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  • I think your fiance is right. So does Sylvia Porter. You need to keep your individual accounts and open a new joint account. You both contribute to the joint account for shared expenses -- housing, groceries, vacations, savings, etc. You can agree with your new husband on how much each of you will contribute. The money that remains is for each of you to spend with no questions asked. This prevents fignts over every little thing -- why did you buy that new game console? How much did you spend on that dress?

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  • Many things do go into this decision. However, you sound like a straight forward person who makes reasonably good decisions, so I say he is being a bit defensive where he probably should not. There alternatives to this (well call them micro remedies) where you work together to take baby steps in the right direction. Think out side the box and perhaps try to understand his concerns better so you can ease them.

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  • I think a joint account and a separate account for each person is good. So the joint account is used to foot everything that a couple co-owns or is responsible for, such as childcare, petrol, house bills, holidays, groceries.

    The private account is used for self-indulgences, like that new handbag, cellphone, or for treating the partner on an anniversary.

    Bulk of the money goes to the joint account, including savings and retirement money. While the private account just holds minimal money for luxuries, extra cash that both of you can do without if need be.

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  • My ex and I we used to have a joint account where we put all the money. She basically used most of the extra $$$ we had on herself. I got in debt just to buy myself things.

    Some people I know pay all the shared bills (gaz, electricity, mortgage etc) then split the rest of the money left over 50-50 had the end of each month. I like that better.

    There is no rule per say; you just gotta to do what works best for both and what makes both people comfortable :)

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  • I think your husband is smart to keep the bank accounts separate, that way the financial issues don't get jarbled up. We're both budgeting for our own accounts, for example.

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  • Married but separate bank accounts? Huge red flag to get married. The whole point of marriage is to unify yourself completely, rather than just living together and having separate lives in a shared place.

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  • I personally feel each partner should contribute a percentage of their wage to joint account to pay for things such as bills, holidays etc. The rest of their earnings should be kept in their own personal account to pay for things they want, gifts, surprises for their partner etc.

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  • why do you want access to his bank account?

    there's nothing wrong with having separate accounts as long as you are both paying 50/50 on the bills.

    open a new account in which you both pay the same amount, then have the bills come out of that account. I dont understand why so many women want access to their fellas account. its his money, he worked for it, and at the end of the day as long as he's carrying his weight thats all that matters.

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  • i don´t think you should have to join accounts or something. maybe make another "family" account, where each of you has to pay equal parts into, to pay for the regular expenses, you have. i don´t think it´s bad to still have ones own money.

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  • He doesn't want to be that integrated. I agree with him. You two are not a single unit. You are two separate units who have contracted to work/live together towards your common goals.

    This is just a personal boundary for him.

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  • I prefer separate accounts, just split the big bills evenly and then there is no need for a joint account. Couples don't need 3 bank accounts, mortgage and heating are usually the largest bills.

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  • for the man's sake, keep things separate. You women are like octopuses. you'll have you hands on everything and then you'd squeeze the change out of us after you divorce us.

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  • what is mine is hers

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  • No why do you want to share accounts?

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  • Wanna take all his money, bitch?

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  • He should be able to buy things he wants, with his own money, without you nagging him about his expenses. You should be able to do the same

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  • Set up an account for you, an account for him, an account for household expenses, and a budget. Agreed on expenses run through the household account. Your own accounts you do what you want with without having to discuss it.

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  • I think all relationships should be 50/ 50 , i agree if i met a girl to
    pay half of the bills , i do laundry, i love cooking, i don't mind cleaning
    but i agree with you i think all things should be agreed upon

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What Girls Said 18

  • I think that when you own a home together, have kids, and/or get married you should have a joint account for shared expenses such as bills, food, kids expenses, etc., but I would always want to also maintain separate accounts for personal use. My advice is that you look at your average monthly expenses, add 15%, and both contribute half of that total amount into the joint account each month. Beyond that, maintain your own personal accounts with your own incomes. That's how I would like to do it, but obviously, something else might work better for you.

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  • tough one, but I really think you should talk it out with him, but be understanding and full of love, don't argue, be kind but constructive
    I don't think joint account would be best solution
    maybe you just have to figure out who take care of what; who pays which bills, who buys groceries... and if in some situation some things come up other will help another
    but maybe joint account would be good in a way that both of you out on it every month same amount of money and that money is used for things like bills and groceries...

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  • I think it's good to have your own accounts like savings or something, but then a joint checking account... if you're already disagreeing so strongly about this at this point in your relationship... you need to really think about your future together before you become his wife. One of the biggest things that break up marriages is money.

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  • I would like to have separate bank accounts. I don't really want to elaborate more on that but yeah. I think it's just easier.

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  • I'm not married and I earn quite a bit more than my other half, but our money goes into one pot. It pays the bills, we put some away for savings and we spend the rest as we please. If we split up we'd just split everything down the middle. I don't care that I may have put more in.

    Why don't you both have a joint account and pay the same amount in to it each month, that can pay all the bills and treats for the family and you still have your own cash too.

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  • Good idea. 😊. I like separate accounts.

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  • My parents have been married 25 years and they've always kept a separate bank account.

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    • Mine have been married 21 years and have kept a joint account :)

  • I think they should be joint, cause once your married everything you do with your money will affect your family too so they should have a right of say in it as well.

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  • From the things I've seen with other people, joint accounts always end up messy and can put extra stress on a couple when they start feeling like they don't have anything to themselves anymore. Having separate accounts means that each person has their own money that they can use when they want. So while you might want a joint account, perhaps your partner doesn't for those reasons. You just need to talk about it and perhaps reach a compromise that works for both of you.

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  • I also agree it is better to have at least one joint account. You can have separate ones too, but one combined that you use for groceries, house, kids, bills etc.

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  • why would you need a joint account? if you want to spend on fun stuff, just use cash if you can.

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  • Have a joint account and a separate one.

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  • Sounds like you are on the right track.

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  • My grandparents are in there 70s and have separate accounts. It works for them so I may do the same.

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  • you're right about having everything together, thats how it should be in marriages.

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  • What are you frustrated for? You are not even is wife. You think getting married is going to magically make you stop being frustrated with him? Because it won't. If you can't fix your problems now marriage is not going to improve it

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  • You make less money right?

    I'm ok with either way. It doesn't really make a difference to me

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  • Me and my husband have sperate accounts and it works better for us this way we tried the whole bank account together and it didn't work because I went to get money out and he had taken 500 dollars out with telling me for some truck part and I had an emergency that day with our son and no money to do what I needed to do so now we keep everything sperate he has bills he takes care of and I have ones I take care of and some that we split because the cost is so high but it just works better for us so no one has any surprise about not having money or what it was spent on

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