What do you do with guys that weren't interested when you were heavier?

Ok so I was always within a healthy weight range, so none of this don't blame them for being attracted to healthy bodies. I was also always ahtletic, I just also like eating and I was a little chubby. Like the upper end of healthy

No I've been traveling for 4 months over the summer and dropped about 25lbs. Not sure how it happend, just more walking I guess. I didn't try to lose weight anyways.
Now I'm back in college and I've noticed a lot more guys seem to be interested in romantically. It's not like they were mean to me before we were just friends and they never signaled that they wanted to be more. But now, I get that feeling very strongly

And I'm a bit torn. On the one hand there are some I kinda like but then on the other hand, do they like me for me? I get that looks is part of dating, but you know they weren't interested when I looked differently and I feel that's kinda shallow.
Actually I'm not so sure what to feel. It feels good to get more attention obviously but then it makes me angry as well, because it's so dependent on being thin.
What I'm wondering is, would any of them boyfriend material?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your feelings are normal for anyone whose attractiveness increases. We all want to believe that people fall for us based on our special twinkling soul. That's just not how things work. People (ourselves included) want to date those we find attractive and like and get along with. It bothers us when we actually identify factors that contributed. We all have a tendency to think 'oh so of I wasn't X they wouldn't like me?'

    I'd guess that if I weren't smart, tall and funny not many of the girls who dated me would have gone out with me. Not all girls care about those things, but girls who dated me tend to (which is why they chose me). They also liked me as a person, but it was the mix of all factors that drew them in.

    Dwelling on factors is neurotic (and also for many of us initially depressing - men and women's attraction is not based on the same factors and for BOTH of us the factors the other gender likes tends to seem 'not real' and superficial).

    If someone likes you and now finds you attractive and you like them and find you attractive, and you want to be together and make each other happy, be glad you found each other and enjoy it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you are interested in the guy, I say give it a shot. I can certainly understand why you would have mixed feelings about this. It's hard when someone didn't care about your before is now giving you loads of attention. I find that when I wear a dress or a skirt, I get loads more attention then when I am wearing capris. It's just the way things go I guess.

    However, get to know the guys. Really get to know them, and try to be in tune with how YOU feel about them. If you find something he says not appealing to you, well then on to the next one. If you don't feel compatible with the guy, same thing. You really truly don't know if you are going to like someone until you get to know them.

    Who knows, these guys could have been in relationships or some of them could have been sort of seeing someone so you weren't on their radar. Now over the summer things changed and now they are interested.

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What Guys Said 5

  • So, guys are just drawn in by physical appearance. That's the first thing that gets their attention. While you rightfully have mixed feelings the only way to know who's not boyfriend material is to sort out the ones that were rude or demeaning or insulting to you. So if you had guys that were treating you that way that are now much nicer then forget about it. If it's just guys who didn't happen to notice before, think about giving them a shot, cause they may well just be legit nice guys.

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    • As I said, none of them were rude or anything, the just friendzoned me and now suddenly...

    • So, really not every person is going to be the right guy for you. Most guys are just pulled in by physical attributes, it gets their attention as you have noticed. That doesn't mean they don't value other things. You can make that assumption, but you may be sorting out some of the wheat along with the chaff. Besides, you do not know that new guys that you didn't see last year would act any differently.

  • Don't date them. I used to be fat, and I was always the lovable fat guy who the girls would tease and almost try to humiliate (even though they thought they were being cute) by flirting even though none of them would ever consider dating me. It crushed my soul to know that these girls, some of whom I really liked, saw me some kind of clown who it was okay to toy with.

    When I finally got lean, I didn't look at it as some sort of revenge, I just couldn't bring myself to have any feelings for girls who had humiliated me in the past. Even though they didn't necessarily intend anything negative, they had hurt me, so I wrote them off and moved on to new girls who'd never known me as a fat guy.

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    • It's a little different for me though since they were never mean to me

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    • But still they weren't like that. They were being good friends and people in general. But that's just it, they never saw me as more. I wasn't hurt about it really, I wasn't. But now I am kinda

    • That's exactly how I felt! I wasn't hurt when these girls were teasing with me when I was fat, but when I saw how they treated me after I got lean, I realized that they were kind of mocking me. I realized this because they didn't treat me the same anymore, and I saw that the guys they liked (i. e. the 'hot' guys) they treated with much more respect. That made me realize that they had never truly respected me when I was fat.

  • Possibly, you won't know until you go out with them. A lot of women purposely try to look better to guys attention anyway so you can't blame guys for noticing you now

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    • But what if I gain the weight back, could I realistically expect them to stick around? Because I'd be looking for a guy who would

    • Once your in a serious relationship gaining some weight won't matter once he knows the person you are

  • What you have to ask yourself or may have asked yourself is, which benefits will I get if I reject them and do I feel better if I act like I don't want them?
    The answer may come from yourself.

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    • I'm not looking to make them feel bad or anything, I'm wondering if they would be relationship material

    • That's something you won't know till you know how they are. If they are mean to people you think are fine maybe they are bad

  • Whole thing is upon ur interest only not of others if u have interest to make relationship u may advance on tjis path according to ur will

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What Girls Said 1

  • they obviously only value physique if thats the case, and thats shallow. Your better off finding someone who would like and value you, not because of your appearance but who you are as a person

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