I'm not spending that much time with my girlfriend anymore, how can I explain to her i'am busy? Do I have the right in this?

So 2 days ago i told my girlfriend i can hangout with her only 1 day a week and then she got all sad and said she'll miss me. I told her you can always call me. Anyways, well i been answering texts late and calls and she says i don't pay attention to her. Is one time a week enough or does she have the right in saying "we should see each other 3 times a week".

I think one is ok. What do you think?

  • Make more room for her
    69% (33)52% (12)63% (45)Vote
  • If you're busy she should understand
    31% (15)48% (11)37% (26)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
she keeps texting me... "have you forgot about me? ". So i will make time for her. Now i realize that i'am not being that fair to her

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well to be honest 1 day a week isn't much time. I would be sad if my boyfriend rarely spent any time with me.

    I can definitely understand some weeks when a guy is busy or has things going on that he just can't see me. I get that, I understand. However, if every week it was "Well, I'm too busy everyday, sorry" well ya, I would most likely be sad too.

    Sounds to me like she really does care about you and wants to spend time with you. No harm in that. What I would do is try to make whatever time you can for her. Maybe some weeks you can see her 3 times and other weeks only 1? Maybe that will make her happy.

    Just keep an open dialogue with her and let her know what's going on in your life. Do sweet things for her when you can't see her. Maybe once in a while send her flowers or a card. That way she at least knows you are thinking about her.

    I know for me that would make me feel better if my boyfriend did that when he couldn't see me.

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    • i will hangout with her today and tell her i will see her 3 times a weeks no matter. She always makes time for me and she has a busy schedule too but she always does make time for me. I will do the same for her. I learned from this that girls can be sensitive.

      For example i didn't see my bestfriend for 8 months but that was ok with us lol, my girlfriend wants to see me almost everyday. I thought that she would be ok with maybe once a week but i understand now that i have to make time for her.

    • As a girl who loves her boyfriend, thank you for realizing this! I'm happy for your girlfriend. It's okay if you are busy sometimes and can't see her. However, if she is important to you, she deserves some time from you. Seeing her 3 times a week is good! However, if on the occasional week you are only able to see her 1 or 2 times, at least letting her know what's up will ensure she is still happy.

    • yup :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a tough one because every girl is different. If you are both ambitious, independent and hard working people, you'll probably spend little time together because you're immersed in your career. This is a good thing, if your emotional and relationship needs are both met.

    However, if there is a mismatch, it can be disastrous for a relationship. For example, if you're a medical doctor who works 18-24 hour shifts at a hospital, and she is a housewife or if she works a 9am-5pm job, she will definitely feel neglected since she's at home all evening and you're not around.

    However, you have every right to work hard in your career. I am in a similar situation now, where my wife and I both work similar hours (9am-5pm jobs). However, I told her that I am aiming for a very high position job, and I would probably work every day from 7am-midnight. The perk is that I'd make over $200,000/year and we'd never worry about money. The problem is, she has to understand and accept the consequences of me not being around during the week, and only around for the weekends.

    I managed to convince her that the pros (financial stability, early retirement, never having to worry about money) were better than the cons (less time spent together). She understood, but that's because we're married. I suspect you are not, so she probably doesn't care about financial stability unless she's sharing in your salary. It's best for you to talk to her and lay out the long term benefits.

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    • i will make time for her and see her 3 times a week. She always makes time for me so i'll do the same. You're in a good position for that. As for my girlfriend, i will spend more time with her cause like i said she always makes time for me no matter what which i appreciate

What Girls Said 16

  • The only way to make things work is to consider your partners needs.
    If she feels ignored or neglected your relationship will eventually fail.
    I think you should make more of an effort for her. It will show that you care.

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    • How about meet in the middle and make it twice a week? Sometimes one. As long as she make an effort for her , she should see that and acknowledge it

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    • 2 times a week for 2 hours? That really stings... I can understand why she wants to see you more!

      The main thing is that she FEELS wanted and cared about. As long as she feels that way, everything is okay. Talk to her about what she wants and help set some realistic goals that you can both be happy with... and maybe make her something or buy her something to show her that you mean the world to her. A little bit goes a long way with both women and men! :)

    • @AdventSign i will see her 3 times a week now. i will make time for her

  • There is no right or wrong.

    Some people, in order to maintain a relationship, need to see their SO multiple times a week. Some don't. You obviously don't. She obviously does. This is a strain on your relationship. You two need to figure something out. She feels neglected right now. That can be enough to end a relationship.

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    • i mean i dont want to break up with her.. it's just a dont have the time that i wanted to have. I can do 2 times a week for 2 hours. i will talk to her about it. For me it's not a big deal but for her she says she misses me... she can always call lol. She is my first girlfriend and i started dating her 2 months ago. i dont want to mess up anything you know, so i will talk to her on Saturday cause this week i'am super busy

    • 4 hours a week? I'd leave you.

    • Well i'am not free. i can make wiggle room for like Mon, Wed, Fri for 2 hours. Sunday i can do mornings. That is the MAX i ca do. does that sound better? would that be ok

  • I ended a relationship with the best thing to ever happen to me because we went three weeks without seeing each other for the same reason you're distancing yourself from your girlfriend... he was busy. And while I understand people have lives and really are busy and honestly don't have much time, there comes a point where you have to make room in your life for those you love before they feel like they aren't on your list of priorities anymore. I would have been happy with even once a week... I think you need to set aside more time than that though.

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    • Just one more thing: the time you've just spent asking the girls ask guys people about your situation... you could have and should have been spending it with your girlfriend. Skype, text, call that girl up, tell her you don't care if it's midnight you just want to talk. If she means something to you, make it known. Stop thinking about the numbers...2 hours twice a week, etc... and just make her feel loved. Make her feel important to you because she obviously thinks you're important to her too.

    • She always made time for me and makes room for me and i understood i wasn't being fair. She would literally cancel her last minute plans for me so i did make time for her. we're going to hangout 3 times a week. I made time for her so it's all good now.

      I always sent her those corny texts (they're corny to me but she loves them). i want to make her feel more special cause she messages me sometimes saying she lonely and i talk to her as much which actually mad me sad. So i WILL focus more time on her

  • This is ok if you're REALLY busy. Like you have a tough school schedule, or you work a lot, so you barely make time.

    But if you have a whole week a your disposal with a lot of free time in there and you can fit a lot in and you're thinking: "This here, this here, this here, bitch can get one date, this here..."
    Then you two have a serious problem. You're not really into her, you should let her find someone who is.

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    • i have a tough schedule but i resolved it with her. i will spend more time with her

    • That's sweet of you. :3

    • She always made time for me and makes room for me and i understood i wasn't being fair. She would literally cancel her last minute plans for me so i did make time for her. we're going to hangout 3 times a week. I made time for her so it's all good now.

  • That wouldn't be enough for me, when I have a relationship with someone it is because I like spending time with them, I enjoy it. Once a week - that's the same as my evening class, I think my significant other deserves more time than that, but if that's how you feel maybe this relationship just ins't really for you. If you don't want to see her any more than that then why are you dating her?

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    • yeah i agree. i will spend more time with her cause she always changes her schedule to suit mine, so i will make room for her.

      I do want to see her!!! i love her but i mean i can't be with her in person everyday. I will however make time for her cause this post made me realize that what i'am doing is not that fair to her. At first i though it was normal for couples to do this. She is my first girlfriend so i dont want to mess this up. I though she would be ok with.

      Like for example with my bestfriend i didn' see him for 8 months cause of school and we didn't even complain lmao. I guess girls work differently haha. i will make time for her

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    • Friends are not girlfriends, don't treat them the same! You are more than friends.

    • yeah i know. She is my first girlfriend and i didn't know she would want to be with me almost everyday. I'm stilling learning but i will 100% make time for her

  • If you can't make time for her that she needs from you then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship. It's not fair to her

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    • i didn't realize what i was doing was kinda bad. I though it was normal for couples to not be with each toher if busy. I will make time for her

  • I think she doesn't understand. Or maybe you just need to convince her more and comfort her. I was in the same situation where I am too clingy and needy to my boyfriend who prefers to spend time alone sometimes. I wanted the best so I tried to do other things instead of waiting for him all the time.

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    • i will make time for her and see her 3 times a week. She always makes time for me so i'll do the same

    • Good. But if that doesn't make you feel very comfortable you have to tell her though.

    • i made time for her, i switched some things around

  • Females r really sensitive , a woman can never understand that u r busy XD cuz for her she is ur girlfriend and u have to make her a priority , if u act busy she will think u dont love her anymore or dont care about her , u should talk about it and find a solution maybe meeting twice a week is good? Show her ur love by texts things that dont take time u will be fine

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    • i will spend more time with her forsure, 3 times a weeks

    • Thats good ^^ u r a good boyfriend :) wish u all the best^^

    • thanks, i realized i wasn't being fair to her cause she always made time for me

  • It sounds a lot like you're more concerned with other priorities in your life, and should do her a favor and let her find someone who makes her a priority among their priorities.

    Because you're treating her like an option.

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    • i didn't realize what i was doing was kinda bad. I though it was normal for couples to not be with each other if busy. I will make time for her

  • She shohld undersyand but one day a week doesn't seem like enough. You shouldn't be with her then if you're not going to make time for her

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    • i resolved it with her. i will spend more time with her

  • Well it's all about compromising. She has to understand that your schedule's tight but you gotta also put her needs into consideration.

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    • yes i will, i didn't know how bad it was, i will spend more time with her

  • i might not see my boyfriend for over a month, he lives 78 miles away and its expensive to see each other. if she can't cope with one day a week and doesn't get that you're busy then she might want to rethink things

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  • Relationships are nothing without compromise

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    • i will make time for her

  • completely not fair

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    • i changed my schedule to put her in. i will be spending more time with her

    • I'm happy for u both. Women can be very sensitive about that

      And for some (at least for me), getting to spend some quality time together is one of the best ways of feeling loved.

    • yeah i realized now ow you girls can be sensitive haha, she is my first girlfriend and see.. for my bestfriend, we didn't see each other in 8 months and then we clicked again when i got to see him in the summer, but with my girlfriend she wants to see me almost every other day lol. i will 100% make time for her now

  • In order to make it work you need to be sensitive towards her needs. I know you're busy but you should respect her needs and you should see her more. The relationship isn't gonna make it if you don't do what it takes. Make more room for seeing her and spending time and make her feel like you actually care. Because if she feels like you don't really care or anything along those lines, that's gonna make her feel pretty bad and she wouldn't be able to start with you

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    • he always made time for me and makes room for me and i understood i wasn't being fair. She would literally cancel her last minute plans for me so i did make time for her. we're going to hangout 3 times a week. I made time for her so it's all good now.

      I always sent her those corny texts (they're corny to me but she loves them). i want to make her feel more special cause she messages me sometimes saying she lonely and i talk to her as much which actually mad me sad. So i WILL focus more time on her

    • Ok. That's good. That should help

    • she* no he lol. and yeah

  • If you can't make the time at this point in your life, you might want to think about being single. Four hours a week can be too little for some and if whatever is making you busy is more important than you probably should just focus on that and worry about relationships later. You have to pick your priorities.

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    • i didn't realize what i was doing was kinda bad. I though it was normal for couples to not be with each other if busy. I will make time for her, yeah i feel a bit bad cause she is always making time for me no matter what

    • I'm not trying to bag on you or anything, it's just you're trying to get the best of both but you have to choose which one is more important. You can't try and balance two things that both need your time. There are times when couples get busy, but it will put a strain on the relationship but sometimes you don't have much of a choice. Just do what you feel is best for your happiness.

    • you're right, i will spend more time with my girlfriend and put in the extra effort.

What Guys Said 15

  • I don't know anything about how busy you are or how busy she is, however I think setting a schedule like 2 hours twice a week is kinda silly. When you really care for somebody you WANT to be with them as often as possible, especially when those times are uncommon or rare. When I care for someone but I happen to be busy I do everything I can to MAKE time. When your question says I make all the time I can to spend with her but it's not enough, then you've got a problem. I'm pretty sure right now you don't know for sure what free time you might have available next week, so planning on 2 hours twice next week well, DUDE ARE YOU EVEN TRYING!

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    • i will make time for her and see her 3 times a week. She always makes time for me so i'll do the same. i'll make room for her

    • Glad to hear it just lose the numbers and do your best!

  • One day a week is not much time dude. Is there a reason she is so low on your priorities, I bet there isn't a good one. You will make time for her if you want to be with her. I can tell you from my own experience that being neglected and never prioritised is one of the worse feelings I have ever felt. Girlfriend did exactly what you are doing, put everything else first and over the long term it made me feel unwanted and unimportant in her life. I think 3 times a week is fair, if your heading into 3/4 years together like myself I would say a tad more.

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  • I would make more room for her... if all other things are more important to you than her, then you have to reprioritize or it would be best to send her packing.

    It is selfish to hold on to someone that could be getting quality time with someone else.

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  • Find a way to condense your time. If you need to communicate long distance, get the best possible headset, camera, and Ethernet connection. Find creative things you can do together. Maybe she has never helped you cook before. Maybe let her give you a back rub while you work. It's hard, but you'll find a way.

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  • Yes. She seems a bit clingy to me. One day apart does you good.

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    • They only see each other one day a week. 6/7 they don't.

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    • I will talk to her on Saturday. She just says she misses me and wants to be with me. I guess i can do 2 times a week

    • Relationships always require love and maintenance. Good luck!

  • I'm going to be honest, after seeing you can't spend time with her for more than 2hrs at a time, I'd say you don't have time for a relationship.

    You can't at least 1 day a week with her for at least half a day? There has to be some full days together for a relationship to function.

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  • both?
    you should make an effort to surprise her and spend some time with her
    then explain to her for the next few weeks you will be busy, but will always be thinking of her and try your hardest to see her

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  • Lol at the whipped men on this site.

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  • If you can't make time to be with her she might start to question your priorities. Relationships have failed for this exact reason.

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    • i will make time for her

  • This stuff happens. People get busy with life, mates, work etc. A true friend will always be there in spirit. The lonely friend needs to understand.

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  • try and make more time for her

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  • Just say: "I'm busy"
    If she bitches just laugh at her and go about your work.

    NEVER EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO A WOMAN!!!

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  • she'll be hooking up with the pizza delivery guy anytime soon.

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    • lol , i will dedicate more time for her

  • tell her:

    you're going to keep me? bitch

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