Do you date people if you dont have "the spark"?

So I met a guy, he's smart, cute, active, really nice, obviously likes me. I can't really complain, but I feel like something is missing, a spark maybe?

We dont know eachother that well, but we have made out, but its "meh".. maybe its caused by the fact that we haven't opened completely up for eachother. I honestly dont know what the "issue" is , like mentioned I can't really find anything "wrong" with him.

One part of me wants to keep dating him, and hope it improves. But another part of me dont know if I should continue seeing him.

Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, there's plenty of people that are supposedly 'good on paper', but I just wouldn't date them.

    What one might envisage happening is that, you're just laissez faire about it, and go along with it, because of this list of his qualities that you rattle off, but you're just not feeling it. So you get deeper entrenched in a relationship, and then emotions become involved, he may become attached, and the whole messy situation may become a drag on you, and so both parties are going to end up bitter.

    There's a whole world of 'feeling' that we're perpetually told to ignore because of its intangibility. Through experience I can say that, perhaps it's the only thing we should ultimately listen to?

    The notion of spark is interesting to me also, just as an incidental. One could argue that we're existing at various levels, sexually, physically, spiritually, mentally. For me, I'm starting to think that if I desire someone integratedly, ie on a number of levels, then that is the makings of an amazing relationship. Most people get caught up, in say, physical desire, without the integrated 'care' aspects towards that person, and thus, they wonder why relationships turn sour and leave one feeling ultimately hollow.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • How long have you two been seeing each other? If it's only been a couple weeks, give him some more time.

    However if it's been a month, and you still aren't feeling it. Then it's okay to let go. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe he is a really swell guy. But for some reason you aren't feeling it and that's okay. We can't fall in love with everyone we meet. If we did, there would be a lot more happy couples.

    The thing with life is, sometimes you meet a perfectly good person, but just aren't feeling it. That's totally okay if it happens and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either person.

    Just be honest with him if after a while you realize it's just not happening. That way he can move on and find someone who does have that spark with him.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Give it a little more time, but be cautious. I was in this situation and I ended up dating her for two years before the stupid love blindfold came off and it all fell apart. People still wonder why I ended a perfect relationship, but it's my fault and I have to carry the guilt of staying when I never felt the spark just because I was "comfortable". In my defense it was my first serious relationship and I didn't know how it should feel. So like I said, give him a little more time, but I'll be honest and say that if you don't feel it now, you'll probably never feel it, or you will fall for the illusion like I did.

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  • Yes, if the sparks aren't there i believe it won't happen
    it might be his actions, the way he carry's himself
    the way he talks, maybe he is sarcastic, maybe he lacks
    turning on the charm but by any means don't continue
    dating him if you can't feel it , i would never judge a girl
    who says hey your nice guy but i just feel something is
    missing i would want the truth and be man enough to
    accept that the girls not happy dating me but you could
    try dating him again but if the sparks aren't there it won't
    happen with you two.

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  • I was in the situation of your guy a few weeks ago, met a girl I like, we got along very well, made out a few times but I could tell right from the second date she "didn't feel it" as much as I did. We still had two more dates where I guess she gave me the chance to "make her feel" something but it didn't occur. After that she suddenly got "too busy" to see me. I understood quickly what was happening and bid her farewell.

    If after the 3-4 date you are still not feeling it, in my opinion it won't happen. Just make sure you are upfront with him when you find out it's not working for you. Don't worry, he'll be fine and he'll respect you for being honest with him.

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  • I'm kinda going through the same thing myself. I had a date with this girl who's crazy for me and she's decent looking, we get along fine and have a bit in common but I'm just not feeling the spark, not yet, and her moving pretty quickly is a little of a turnoff. Like she isn't treating me like her boyfriend but she's already asking about doing stuff next month and November as well as camping and I only met her once.

    From my experience, this has been one of my biggest struggles in dating is finding the right one. It's like the ones I like and can see myself dating don't like me back and vice versa and I'm not just gonna settle just for the sake of dating or having someone. That's pretty desperate.

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  • He just isn't your type I know this girl who likes me, gorgeous girl nice ass and pretty face she's like a 11 out of ten BUT I dont like her I dont know why but I acknowlege she's hot and all but I wouldn't date or bang her. Yet my ex was average looking and I was like "fuck yeah marry me and have my 60 babbies" type of feeling

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  • This is your gut feeling telling you he is not the ONE.
    follow your gut insticts, its always right.

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  • LIfe's too short for "meh". When you meet someone and have a spark, you realise how wrong all those "meh, it's okay, I guess" people would have been in the long run.

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  • No, I need that special something or it's not worth it.

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  • Some people are just friend zone people. Personally, I often pursue these people because I'm horny and they are "safe" - nice, available, etc, but ultimately some people just lack that sexual spark that turns me on.

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  • I felt like that with a girl once. If I were being honest just follow your intuition, and to me the spark ignites the fuel to move forward with relationships same way as a car or motorcycle if they no spark it don't go anywhere. But may occur in time. My advice is to do what you feel you should do, like they said they is plenty fish in the sea. Hope this helps

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  • Try building a spark, do things together...

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  • No I don't date without the spark... if your not fully content... there's just something not right

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  • Love grows over time, it is not an instant gratification. Give it some time.

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  • some aliens are afraid of electricity

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  • mmm keep on trying

    let him knows your interior

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  • Trying a few more times. If you still have the doubt, then stop dating him.

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  • It sounds like you think he's a great guy on paper, but he just doesn't get the pussy wet. You maybe need someone more dominant or exciting to make it happen. Given that, he sounds to me like friend material and nothing more.

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What Girls Said 21

  • You are Lacking even with lip locking here, dear what I call... Chemistry.
    He really is not your type but in swapping spit, you tried. You found out he didn't turn your lights on.
    However, a few more tries with this guy it might come on like grease lightening. If you find that It doesn't, just tell him you want him to be a friend till the end.
    Good luck. xx

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  • No. Personally, I won't date someone if there's no spark. That's one of the best parts about dating... that uncontrollable passion, that smile that starts with your eyes then spreads across your face, effortless intensity. I need a man to be able to match my fiery, wild self. I don't see that happening without a spark so I would get bored.

    Sounds like you guys just don't connect on a certain level.

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  • not really, i mean there needs to be that emotional or physical chemistry there to click.

    if it's not happening, it probably won't happen or will take awhile to... dont force anything though. give it a bit more time and c what happens.

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  • The real question is, "Do you have fun with him?" If you do, then continue seeing him. If not, then move on.

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  • If i didn't feel that special connection with someone from the start, i wouldn't bother. I feel like having that spark is something you want, if you were going to start a relationship with a guy.

    Even before you even talk with him, you would of sensed a spark.

    If you did stay around him a bit more, how long were you thinking?

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  • I'd give it a few dates and see if anything changes. It can be awkward at the beginning with any new person you're dating. Maybe as you learn more about him you'll find something that makes him seem more interesting. Worth a shot if he's a catch otherwise.

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  • No, I would find that to be a waste of everyone's time. You go out a few times to see if the spark is there, but if it isn't, it's not likely to be there ever.

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  • Many you should just continue a bit, because you will find out if you do like him. But something tells me that something's a bit off. There is SOMETHING that just doesn't feel right, and you can't really feel a connection.

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  • Every person I date is a potential life partner and if there is no spark I won't date them but love does not always happen at the first glance so wait and she if you get that spark

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  • If you don't have that attraction to them, then I don't think its a great thing to date them. You should try to get to know him better though, maybe that's the spark you're missing, an emotional connection.
    I never date someone if I don't have some kind of attraction to them, whether that be physical or emotional.

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  • Yep the spark is a huge deal. If you're planning to be with him, what you're doing is settling. The "spark" is what keeps a relationship alive. If you don't have that now, how do you expect to have a "spark" 30 years down the road?

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    • Wow. Colossally bad advice.

      The spark WILL vanish. This is when you find out if you really love each other or if it was "just the spark."

      You WON'T have that "spark" 30 years down the road. Don't buy into this pipe dream.

  • Give it a little more time but if it isn't there it isn't there

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  • Hmmm well I would try maybe a littke longer and if you still aren't feeling anything ditch the relationship but do remeber that if you get the spark it will go away eventually anyway

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  • Sparks can grow but if it's not there it's best not to settle

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  • Maybe the spark will come

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  • If he is the first guy you've been in s relationship with I would suggest looking at other guys, seeing if you feel a spark with others. Maybe the spark for the original guy might appear!

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  • Yes because sometimes the spark can grow after getting to spend time with him.

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  • Who knows WHEN a spark might kindle? Dating is simply having fun with someone that knows how to. A spark can happen anywhere but usually on dates.

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  • I say give him a chance, "the spark" doesn't always happen right away.

    Oh, by the way "the spark" to me, is sexual attraction lol!

    If I don't get sexually aroused by a guy, I won't continue dating him, because I cannot be in a relationship with bad sex!

    With some guys, the spark was right away & others was after I got to know them & we bonded through friendship, because they opened up to me, or they stop trying to be someone they weren't.

    You actually answered your own question, "We dont know eachother that well".
    Get to know him & see if things change.

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  • Well making out with him is not going to make you feel a spark either. You shouldn't force yourself to make a connection if there is none but at the same time you shouldn't expect to fall in love with him instantly

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  • What's the point?

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