He is sleeping with two of us?

I have been sleeping with my dormie/close friend for the last few months.
A few weeks ago he said he liked me & I like him but he just because single for the first time in 3 years and I graduate and leave in just a few weeks.
He also recently started sleeping with another girl we live with.
He tells me everything & even has sex with her & then comes to cuddle at mine. She doesn't know anything though.
She's very attaractive but a bit odd...
She SAYS she only wants sex, which doesn't bother me.
The bit that bothers me is the messaging etc. not the JUST SEX part.
I've told him it makes me uncomfortable and we agreed to see how it goes but i'm going to say

"I will see how this ______ thing goes if it is JUST SEX… but If I get too uncomfortable then I’m out & you choose (sorry) 😘"

What do you think?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Risky.

    I'm non-monogamous, so I do have a fair bit of experience dealing with maintaining multiple relationships at the same time, but there is one major problem in that plan.

    Trying to keep a secondary relationship as "only sex" is impossible to enforce. Relationships all have a life of their own, it's impossible to keep them in a pre-defined box. Attachments happen because of chemicals released by the brain, and neither of them have any control over what chemicals are being released.

    So she may only want sex, but a bunch of orgasms, and the associated oxytocin releases later, there may be unexpected bonding. Same for him (though men release much less of it during orgasm). They won't mean for it to happen, but it can. Of course, it may not, the point is there is nothing you can say, and nothing they can do, that will ensure it doesn't happen.

    It's also not super cool that she doesn't know about his sexual activities if she is a sexual partner. She should be able to be making an informed decision about whether or not she is ok with that arrangement. Sketchy. But not your direct question, so not super relevant.

    Multiple partners can certainly work. But it can be incredibly difficult to pull off, and starting off by something like "it's fine but only if it stays like this one certain way" is setting it up for failure from the start.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like it is a bit too cozy for comfort in my own bed and head, @Pinkicedkks.
    You may not right now have a problem with him having Sex with her, but on the other hand, you cannot handle the 'Messsaging, etc,' which is telling me and should be telling you later, that eventually... Two is company and three is not a crowd pleaser.
    It might be wise to Begin your own Beguine of finding a different roof and other roomies to hang out with. I have this 'Odd' feeling that this house is going to be divided and no more Unity, not Even... JUST SEX part.
    Good luck.


What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds VERY fair to me. Here's the skinny. You have a right to the relationship that YOU want, just as he has a right to have his his way. So long as everyone is honest (that doesn't always happen) then everyone can make choices that are right for them. Let your desires and expectations be known.


What Girls Said 1

  • i think thats the right thing to say.