So I've been liking this guy for about a year now, but there is a bit of an age gap. I'm 25 and he's 20. I don't see that age is a problem, there is some personal qualities about him that I like. He's a nice and caring person, but he is a bit not experience with life yet since that he still lives with his mother, and that he hasn't really lived on his own. As much as I want a relationship to happen between me and him, there is still more he has to learn about life. I have a 5 year old daughter, and am looking for someone who will be a role model for my daughter since who ever I choose will be apart of my daughters life. I am not ready for a relationship yet, but apart of me kinda wants one. I don't want to date him yet because he lacks responsibility in his life, and not quite sure how he does on his own yet. So is waiting it out and just being friends a good decision? There is a possibility that someone else may come along who already has what I'm looking for. I have already told him I don't want to waste his time by making him think that something more is going to happen right now, and that we are at different levels in life right now. As much as I want to keep him close by my side, I had to tell him so he's not waiting for me to make that decision. I don't want to rush things for the sake of my daughter, I can't bring someone too quickly without them being self sufficient first.
Is staying friends with someone until they are mentally mature enough for me to date the right decision?
What Guys Said 1
I say no. Not because of his inexperience in life, but because of your inexperience in yours. And please don't take that offensively because I'm not trying to offend you. I'm just answering your question as a guy who's sort of familiar with what you're going through.
For one, you shouldn't ask him to wait. If you're not willing to build something with him now because of the biases you hold about his life, then don't make him wait. You're 25 with a 5 year old daughter correct? So basically, your maturity level is around where his is... in my opinion (again, no harm intended). He isn't a parent so his thought process might be close to what yours was when you were his again. Then again, I've met a handful of single parents who's maturity level was way to low in my opinion for them to even be considered a parent... and I'm pretty sure you've met them too. BUT, as for him, he's still learning and growing and testing out the waters. Him living at home is not that big of a deal, mostly because of the economy... and because I don't know what his background is or what all he's doing with his life.
Another reason I say no is because you owe it to your child to completely focus on her and unless he's able to understand that, he wouldn't be a good fit for you. Yes, you two might like each other, but you're a packaged deal now. Guys from now on will need to want to be in your child's life just as much as they want to be in your life. And if they can't, then they're not worth your time... as a mother.
Lastly, if you're having doubts now then it's not a good idea. If your gut says no, then that's the best answer. Sure, maybe you two might cross that road again 3-5 years down the line, but don't put your lives on hold until then. If you want him to experience life then let him do so. If he wants to do it with you and you likewise, then okay but communicate with him and really work towards it. But having ill thoughts and doubt will just cause trouble for you both. If either of you doubt the success of a relationship, then don't do it. Because if you do, then you risk not only hurting the other person but also hurting your child. Which is never worth it.
Never have somebody wait for you or you wait for them. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, but until then just be friends with not expectations of more or whatever and grow together there first before trying to pursue more. I say this all because I'm in your shoes with a friend... and it sucks1
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