When to say... "The 'L' word..."?

I've been dating this girl for a tad less than a month now and it's easily the best relationship I have been in. We're both really into each other, have a ton in common, and laugh all the time. But It's occurred to me that this is the first time I've actually felt a so-to-speak "deeper affection" towards another girl I've dated and so I now pose the question, "when do you tell your girlfriend you love her? And for that matter, how?" The last thing I want to do is scare her off or make her feel awkward by saying it too soon. She means the world to me, so any advice on what to do is very appreciated. :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not sure you really can put a timeline on when you feel or better yet you know you love someone else.

    What I would say though, Love is when you choose to be with that one person exclusively. When you would choose to love them even if they wouldn't love you back (but they do!). When you can't or don't want to see yourself with anyone other than them approaching forever !! When your emotional feelings for them go way beyond butterfly's in your tummy, because you actually don't fear or mind settling down and committing to them for a long time.

    I Love the way the Bible describes Love in it's poetic way in First Corinthians 13:4 - 8a

    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes always perseveres. 8a Love never fails.

    (In a way this piece of poetry is kind of a litmus test of what true love is. Even if one does not agree with the Bible, it's poetry is beautiful.)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't worry about love, in fact, you shouldn't even think about feeling it. It comes to you and you can't hold back. But that's down the road so

    Instead, take a special moment to say something like
    you know, I can really be myself when I'm with you
    Or
    I can't help but feel we may have found something special
    Or
    It'sactually a little bbut scary, to be this happy with someone

    Now, things like she means the world to you soon nice, but she doesn't mean the world to you and life would go on without her, so if you could refrain from saying things that sound nice but aren't true, when you say really vulnerable yet simple things like those mentioned, they will mean a lot more than the words they contain

    And try to look into her eyes when you say it. Not look her in the eyes, but look into her eyes.
    Good luck, take it slow but don't be afraid to get hurt. That's the path to the most special feeling

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What Girls Said 19

  • Love is a choice based on a feeling, not the feeling itself. Love isn't some magical level of affection that's more than a crush that "you'll know it when you see it" or something that feels different from anyone you've ever been with. Love is taking that feeling of infatuation, and investing yourself fully in it. All in. True love is more like friendship than infatuation. It's a teamwork, and it is hard work to keep it alive. People mistakingly think that love is the way they feel about the one they are with, and when something happens that makes them lose interest, they say they fell out of love. Love is what you do when the fuzzy feeling fades.

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  • Wait until you've had a few "big" fights and at least have seen her without her makeup on and not at her best.

    REAL and TRUE love isn't a feeling; feelings are infatuation, obsession, lust, interest, appreciation, etc... which are normal to feel in the initial stages of dating.

    LOVE is actually an action word; a verb. It's making a choice to act in that person's best interest regardless of how you feel about them. It's not a feeling, although it's commonly mistaken for a feeling.

    If you still want to spend time with this person and share adventures with them even in the midst of a huge blow-up fight, THEN you know it's love and that you care for them on a deeper level than just feelings.

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    • I get what u are saying but how can u say that it is not a feeling

  • Scientific time!
    well, technically love is a bond that forms when you are infatuated and at the start of a relatioinship, infatuation is a chemical brain high. you know if you're in love if you've been together a while and you don't feel like you're high from feels and still think she's great and you have a future together realistically.

    know those couples that break up in 2~3 months? thats infatuation wearing off and they haven't built up a bond yet.

    for now, say she's your favorite or you can't imagine being with anyone else etc. save love for when you know for sure, and when you've seen each other at your worst, and make it romantic if you're the romantic sort. ;)

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  • First things first - be sure it's love... at one month in you're still infatuated and really haven't seen enough of her lows to have an understanding of who she is as a whole person.

    Once you know it's love, say it when it feels right. But seriously, be sure first because there's no taking that word back and once it's out there the relationship automatically becomes much more serious.

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  • you just asked the question that I've always been thinking so whenever you find the answer bud let me know. I've been dating this guy for a couple of months now and i love him with all my heart but he hasn't said the L word yet. and i haven't told him either because im afraid itll scare him away. so im pretty much wanting on him to say it. so good luck

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  • I disagree with the comment 'Love is not a feeling"... love is all about feelings... connections, soul deep feelings and a respect for one another... if you don't have feelings for one another you have nothing...
    In saying that... you know that there is hooney mooney period which covers the three month mark... if you can make that without any hurdles take the relationship to the next level and say how you feel... but its ok to tell her that she means the world to you now... nothing wrong with that...

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  • Not yet. You'll sound needy. Some girls are OK with that but not all. You would not want to scare her away.

    You know your feelings. Now just let her express hers, and then you speak.

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  • wait a very long time. get to know her very well. say it when it really comes to you and its special and you mean it because if you're all talk you're worthless.
    i want to say 7-8 monthes MINIMUM if you're seriously invested for the long haul.
    why should saying i love you change anything about how good she makes you feel? if she's loyal and a good girl maybe she even says it first who knows.

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  • When it feels right. There's no timeline on when to say it. Just prepare yourself for the possibility she may not feel the same way. I told my boyfriend two nights ago I'm in love with him and was told he didn't feel the same. Just remember don't let it get you down if she isn't there. Continue being the best boyfriend you can be and maybe in a few weeks or months she will tell you she loves you. Best of luck!

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  • After she does something sweet for you (assuming she does ) say "I think I love you " with a big smile and maybe a hug. Don't expect a response but at least you've gotten a semblance of your feeling out without a full on scary declaration.

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  • The words will slip out without warning when you both least expect it, it'll just happen, don't plan it

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  • wait 5 months, I think that's when you really start to know a person.

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  • My philosophy is don't say it at all until she asks. Actions speak louder anyway.

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  • See, i thought you meant lesbian

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  • I would wait until like 2/3 months to say it. don't be impatient xx

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  • Are you sure you love her and not just really like her?

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  • https://youtu.be/-WVtZL5O_jQ

    No but seriously, do it when it feels right to you. You shouldn't plan on saying it, you should do it when it comes naturally. Not every couple has a right time to say it; say it too soon and you might scare her. Say it too late and she might think differently. You can show you how much you care through actions for now if it's still too soon.

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  • Say it too soon and I will think you are just trying to fuck lol

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  • You say it when you feel it.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Who even knows, mate, who even knows... its one of those things that'll happen when it happens and you reallyshouldn't plan for. Now I know your probably thinking I didn't help one bit but trust me, don't go planning for it all, you'll end up planning and things will go nothing like that plan, they'll work out even better than you planned hahaha that's the beauty of a relationship with the one you love mate

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  • 'She means the world to me' ---> You love her :)

    You get that feeling of love when you really find her a super amazing girlfriend/person to be with. When you're really comfortable with each other, when you have a lot of fun with her, when you can talk about everything together etc. So, she has to mean the world to you, then you really love her :)

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  • You are 17. You have NO IDEA what love is. Save it for when you are 30.

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  • You know you love her when you would die for her, regardless of your relationship or what she does to you.

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  • ... you mean lesbians?

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    • Lol, that's what I clicked on this link for. I was like, "What about a show on Showtime?"

  • Never say "I Love You" to a woman. Life is not some Disney film and believe it or not such words can turn of a woman.

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  • You don't. You always wait until she says it first.

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    • that is just BS

    • @HookingSwan
      If women are all too "shy" to make the first move and ask a guy out, and force me to do all the work, then I'm too "shy" to say "i love you" first, and she can do all the work when it comes to that. Why should i do all of the work? If she actually mustered up teh courage to ask me out, then I'd have no problem saying "i love you first".

      What's fair is fair.

    • not saying the guy should b the one to say it 1st

      But who feels it whenever they feel it should be free to say it

      also udk if the girl may be insecure about the guys feelings towards her

      this may also let her mind rest

      and what if she says she loves him back too? then the guy would have waited and made the girl wait as well making them both anxious, fidgety and miserable.

  • When you don't have to refer to it as the L word.

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  • I fall in love with Friday's every Friday❤️❤️

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  • Lesbian?, Lesbians?

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  • Only after sex. No exceptions.

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  • Don't say it to her. Show it to her through your behavior. She'll let you know when she's ready for that kind of talk. For most girls, I guarantee you it's too early if you're not even one month in.

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