My boyfriend told me he isn't in love with me?

I did a brave and foolish thing today. I told my boyfriend I'm falling in love with him. We;ve been dating offocially for 4 months and have known each other for almost 7 months. Plenty of time for me to devolop feelings. After I told him my feelings he said "I have a hard time falling in love with anyone.." and that was it. I know he isn't in love with me but I wanted there to be a glimmer of hope for it. I am now really sad and don't know if I want to continue the relationship. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's unrealistic to think two people will fall in love at the same time. He at least is honest because a lot of guys would just say "I love you too" even if they didn't know if they did or they were just saying it to make you happy. I think you're jumping the gun by wanting to just end it now.

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    • I'm not saying I will end it now. It's just a possibility. I deserve to be with someone who loves me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • First off, not once did you mention him saying that he DOESN'T love you. Saying that you have a hard time falling in love with someone and saying that you don't love someone are two totally different things. I think you got the two confused. I don't think that you should give up just yet, rather you need to give it time. Look, there's a guy right now who really really likes me and has told me. I can't seem to get it through my rock hard stubborn head that this may very well be a great guy and im letting him slip between my fingers because of what happened to me in the past. The past can really screw you up. Maybe, just maybe your boyfriend is going through what I'm going through. He can't open up his heart because he was so hurt yet he may very well be in love with you but afraid to express it. As far as I'm concerned, the feelings with me and this guy are likewise, but like your boyfriend I'm letting the past dictate my present too much. I believe that he does feel the same way, he hasn't come to terms with it because he's afraid of rejection and getting his heart broken.

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What Guys Said 18

  • Everyone falls in love in different time frames, there is nothing that says if he hasn't fallen in love by 4 months it's over.

    I actually respect him for telling you the truth, a lot of people just say "I love you" back as a mean to avoid an awkward conversation instead of being truthful. He's clearly still interested in you or else he would have broken up with you.

    If you can't give him his time to come to terms on his own, then you don't deserve to be together.

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    • I told him do not tell me you love me if you don't. I just want you to know how I feel. Then he said that he has a hard time falling in love.

      I might give it a few more weeks but it hurts now knowing he doesn't love me. I don't even want to imagine how much it will hurt when eventually the relationship ends.

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    • Sorry to hear about your loss, did you consider that you losing your mother recently... has caused you to say I love you to your boyfriend as a coping mechanism? Kind of like "Life is too short, and I want everyone I care about to know it"

      You should never feel bad for expressing love, after all it's a beautiful thing... but it's not something to be rushed.

    • its possible but I knew I loved him at the two month mark. I've been holding back on saying it and i just couldn't handle it anymore.

  • Nope, four months is MORE than enough time to wait, especially when you've known each other for 7 months. In fact, after knowing each other for that long, even 1 month wouldn't have been too soon.

    It doesn't seem like he's rejecting you though. Take what he said at face value and give him time. Maybe he's saving it for after the honeymoon phase is over.

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  • Telling someone you love is a big thing... especially at your age

    You obviously didn't feel the right connection with him because you judged his emotions wrong..

    But there is good news... I bet he does love you just he doesn't know it or doesn't want to admit it since it makes him vulnerable.

    Do this... take some time away from him and hold back on sex... watch what happens lol

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  • ugh.. people are so stupid... I swear to god this is why the divorce rate is above 50%.
    I told my girlfriend I loved her within the first week of dating her. She told me yesterday. so the second week. NO FUCKING POINT TO HIDE IT. geesh. Relationships aren't rocket science. DATE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU. Why are you wasting your time on someone who doesn't love you? Stupid. WAKE THE FUCK UP AND SMELL THE ROSES!
    "Oh but I was hurt by my ex and I told him I loved him"... SO? People need to grow up already and understand the meaning of being in a relationship with someone.
    Why are you even in a relationship if you can't tell the other person how you feel? WTF? How stupid?

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    • Did you not read what I wrote? I TOLD him I love him and he doesn't feel the same.

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    • @nakedalligator Uhm no. I have a great sense of peoples character. I can tell who they are on the inside just by shaking their hand. You should know if this person is compatible with you within the first few weeks. It doesn't take years to figure this out. There is also a difference between "loving someone for what they are" and "loving someone for who they are". I love my girlfriend for who she is. I love her mind, heart and soul.
      Yes, she is a freaking grade A model and I'm the beast. I don't care though. She doesn't care. Like I said, relationships aren't rocket science. People just are fucked up by the way they play games. I don't play no games... GATOR DON"T PLAY NO GAMES.

    • I'm sorry but I disagree.

      You can love all of human kind for who they are, but people on a personal intimate level are not so simple. Sure you can love them for who they are and not by what they do but in all practicality it's what they do and how they act that really matters and that's what's going to affect you.

      Your just using the word love in a more casual matter in order to justify it. Just the same as you can love someone who causes you pain because you know deep down there a good person, but that's still not the same as being in love with someone, Someone who you love as a person who you can also depend on. Because what is love if you can't really depend on that person?

      I don't care how good you think your judge of character is. if your giving out your trust so freely you will only be taken advantage of, there are certain aspects of any relationship that take time to build.

  • It was brave but it wasn't foolish. Never think that! Someone has to say it first otherwise no one ever would. Keep it up, I am sure he will say it eventually.

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  • What a stupidly relationship

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  • Doubt he doesn't love you at all. Why would he be in a relationship with you if he didn't? Even if he doesn't maybe he hopes that at some point he will start to fall in love with you and keeps the relationship going.. Also have you asked him of his past? Maybe he had been betrayed or had a really bad experience. The

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    • I have no idea why he's with me. For sex? for good friendship? he was cheated on by the only girl he's ever loved. I think that's what holds him back from falling in love. I just wish he had said "I'm not in love with you yet but I hope to be soon" just anything but "I have a hard time falling in love.." it's him basically saying he doesn't want to fall in love with me...

    • What he said is kind of harsh :( Men tend to say thing without thinking too much and also they some times hide their feelings. Don't know too much about him but you really seem to care about how the relationship goes. What happened to him might have had a bigger impact. Just give it some time. Don't be too pushy I'd say :)

  • You should date other people. He's not that into you.

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    • Really?

    • I could be wrong :-) What do you want? If you have a timeline for the relationship, you should share that soon. Are you hoping for marriage? Four months is early, but if you are expecting a proposal after a year or so you should find out if he's on the same page before you waste a year or two or three. If you don't care about marriage, then if the relationship is good does it even matter if he says he loves you?

    • Marriage is nowhere on my radar lol. Him and I both have said we don't want marriage or kids for 2-5 years. The relationship is good otherwise.. it's just hard for me to come to terms that I'm with a man who isn't open to the idea of love. I told him maybe he could fall for me but he didn't reply to that statement. A person close to me said perhaps he does love me but isn't ready to say it or admit it to himself. That's wishful thinking on my part. He's just everything I have ever wanted in a man and to lose him will be terrible. But if it's not meant to be I have no choice but to move on. I'll stick it out and see where the relationship goes. In a few months I'll see where he stands with me.

  • Don't lose ur feelings towards him, just make it a friend rather than makin it a boyfriend. .. cuz sometimes, some people when they feel sad or rejected they turn these emotions into hatred instead of loving... just be open with him, try to be positive when u feel down, smile when u cry and have a good time. ..

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  • Is he a good boyfriend at least? He might see it as too soon. If you feel like you love him and he doesn't consider how you are getting treated by him, I know so many girls and guys who tell me how bad and unconsistent their relationships are and I am just like "ok, now leme show you how this works".

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    • He is a good boyfriend. He was there for me when my mom died especially.

  • He should be able to tell by now whether he loves you or not. He's not that into you. Like someone else said, keep it up; it was a brave thing you did. I want to have those guts one day.

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    • I didn't speak to him at all and he sent me a lot of text messages trying to talk to me. I know he likes me a lot but I need more than like.

  • Just cut the line. No point on continuing something that the person has already made a commitment too.

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  • Well you didn't always love him, someone's gotta be the first one :\

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  • move on... next!

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  • leave. why to be with someone like that. he just uses you

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  • You're young, my parents didn't have me until they were just over 30. You're not even 25. Plenty of fish in the sea

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  • leave him! you've been with him for the past 4 months, and he's not even have any love around, duh!

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  • I'll answer your question with a question. If not love holding a relationship together, what is there?

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    • I wish I knew!

    • If you can't find an answer, then you need to end it. In my opinion without 3 vital things a relationship is nothing. Those things are love, trust, and respect It seems like your relationship is missing 1 or more of the 3.

What Girls Said 18

  • I'm really sorry you are going through this! I know what it's like to have unrequited love. It sucks big time!

    The only thing you can do is have a conversation with him. It's totally within your right if you want to leave. You do deserve to have someone who loves you back. I think that's important. However, you two have only been together 4 months. That's a heck of a lot of pressure to put on someone.

    If it were me, I would wait a year. I know that seems like a long time, but really it's only about 9 more months. You can then decide if you want to keep going or not. Maybe in that time he will develop those loving feelings for you, maybe not.

    I think the best thing you can do is just try to be hopeful about the situation.

    Perhaps in a month he may admit he does love you? Maybe in a week? Who really knows. But you can't force someone to love you and have those feelings unfortunately.

    At least he was being honest. I dated a guy for 2 years who finally admitted to me that he never loved me. I was heartbroken and obviously ended things right there. The guy was basically just using me. But hid it really well.

    It can be a huge blow to feel like you've wasted your time. But that's basically what dating is. You put your feelers out and hope that people who come into your life will stay. Often times they won't, sometimes they leave because they don't like you, other times it's because you don't like them, or some other combination of emotions and feelings that may or may not be there.

    The best thing you can do is just focus on how this guy makes you feel. Really get a good idea as to whether he is even someone you want around long term. he may seem great now. But maybe 6 or 10 months down the road you see his bad habits.

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    • Thank you so much for your insight! You put things into perspective.

      I have decided to stick it out and see how things go. The relationship is great for the most part. I guess in a few months I'll see where I stand in his life. I don't want to let him go if there's a chance of love at some point.

    • Definitely set a timeline for yourself. If after that timeline he still doesn't love you, lay him go and find someonee who does.

  • i think that what you did was very brave~ props for having balls of steel.

    i also think that you guys need to have an open, honest conversation; ask him why he has trouble falling in love~ maybe he's been betrayed or cheated on; maybe his parents divorced when he was young and he's afraid of getting hurt; or maybe he's just a commitmentphobic douche who's stringing you along. but you'll never know unless you ask.

    my best advice to you is this: go into it with an open mind, but prepare yourself for what you might hear. and, if the two of you just aren't on the same page, then it's time for you to end things and find someone who is.

    be strong, and best of luck~

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    • His parents divorced when he was 12 and the only time he was in love the girl cheated on him. I think he's scared to love. I hate when people close themselves off of love. Why date someone if you have no intention of falling in love?

    • people with no intention of falling in love date for different reasons. and i suggested asking him because i come from the same place as your boyfriend does.

      my parents split when i was little and the only person i ever loved cheated on me. everyone i'd ever loved had disappointed me and ultimately abandoned me, and the idea of putting myself back in that position was scary. why would i willingly put myself in a position where i could get hurt like that again?

      over the years, i basically i told the people i was with that "i am not capable of loving you, or anyone else right now", because i wasn't... it took 10 years, but i did eventually get to that point again. but you can't force it; the right timing and the right person can help, though the only ones who can make that call are you and him.

      if he's not ready, you may want to look for someone who is in the same page as you. or you can suggest counselling for his abandonment issues. but you can't make him love you.

  • *sigh*
    Girl, girl. You need to give him time... everyone does things at different rates. Someone always wants to have sex first, to say I love you first, to do blah blah blah first. But people are individuals and take different amounts time to do different things. His answer practically told you that. "I have a hard time falling in love with someone" essentially means "it takes me longer than the average person to fall in love." He did not say he will never love you. He just said to give him some time to come around. He obviously likes you a great deal, otherwise you could not have been dating him for four months, and he would have said something like "I don't fall in love." So, my advice would be to just sloooow down and enjoy your time together!

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  • First, love isn't this magical thing where by a certain time you fall in love. Honestly, you two haven't been together long enough to know something like that for certain fact. I think people fall in love too quickly these days. So, I don't blame him for not feeling that. After such a short time how can anyone know if it's the real thing or just a simple infatuation for each other?

    Just be patient and don't give up, you might regret ending a good relationship without giving it a chance to develop into a deeper bond for both of you.

    Second, is a question I have for you and it's a very important one.

    How do you know you love him?

    Compared to the others guys you may have dated, what feels different in this relationship as opposed to those that makes you feel this is love?

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  • its been 4 months by then you should know if you at least have an interest in falling in love with some one

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  • It's so soon. It's completely understandable that he doesn't feel the same. Give it some more time to develop and when he does say it, you know it's real and true

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    • How long do you think it could take? I know everyone is different.

  • that is a super hard thing to deal with. i think you just need a little more time to feel it out and see how he feels about it. if you think the relationship isn't headed anywhere, then drop it. but allow him some time to develop feelings. like i said, if you feel it isn't going anywhere, talk to him about it and see how he feels.. and from then on either drop it, or try to work on it. good luck :(

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    • I just wish he had said "But maybe i could fall for you. Let's wait and see" but he just dropped it after that

    • yeah, that would have been nice to hear. he might have just not seen it coming or got nervous and didn't really know what to say. :|

  • let him take his time... its taken 3 years for me and my bf!!! Finally he is hooked :) x

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    • wow 3 years? I don't think i could be with someone and not be loved by the 6-9 month mark.. much less 3 years!

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    • Depends how you want to look at it

      One could also say you were the one that never left but he surely did... and if you let it go, he would be perfectly fine but now choose you since you were just there

      And over time you just tend to fall for someone

    • @TripleAce It went from him being the part time boyfriend to very much being a partner... I always knew he loved me but he had been hurt so much I think admitting it to himself to move forward was difficult.

  • I think at four months into a relationship is too soon for both to feel the same level of love and commitment. Did he say he couldn't love you or did he say he wasn't feeling like he was in love with you, (yet)?

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    • He just simply said he has a hard tim falling in love

  • Girl, I am 21 years old, my boyfriend is 30. We have be together for 2 years, absolutely inseparable and together 24-7. We work at the same company and live together. He has never even mentioned the word "love" to me yet, and it breaks my soul everyday. I said it to him twice, first time about 6 months in, and he totally forced back an "I love you too" it was almost painful for me to hear it, because it was so paused and awkward when he said it back. Then I said it to him exactly 9 months after that, thinking sure enough he would be ready to say it, did he? Yeah, but again, it was the most unnatural forced I love you, too" you could imagine. I have stopped saying it now, what is the point. Give it some time with him, I am starting to think mine won't ever love me. Don't give up yet, persevere, just don't say it again until he does.

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  • I think he at least feels something for you. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you. How close are you guys? How often do you go on dates and share intimate moments? I'd use that to judge how he really feels

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    • we are pretty close. Share all interests, values goals etc. We see each other once a week due to work and our sex life is normal.

  • Leave him. I know what it's like to be in a relationship where you're the one who loves the other more, and I can assure you that all the waiting in the world doesn't change it and it always ends messily.

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    • I have a feeling he won't love me anytime soon. We've known each other 7 months. By now he should either be falling for me or already in love.

  • For your sake and his I think that you should end it , because if you don't it's just going to feel worse when it doesn't end. How do I know? Personal experiences

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  • If he isn't in love with you. Then at least does he show some appreciate for is he nice n sweet with you. If not then dont waste ur time ur going to difficult times.

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  • Leave him.

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  • You know there are different types of people in this world. Some fall in love quickly and deep, some takes time. My ex told me he was in love with me after a month of dating, and he said he had been in love with me since the first time he saw me. On the other hand, it took me more than 6 months to be in love with him. We were together for 2 years and to this day, I'm still madly in love with him, we broke up months ago. What I'm trying to say is everyone is different, maybe your boyfriend is just like me. Just because it takes time for him to fall in love, doesn't mean he will never be. And to be honest even though it took time for me to fall in love with my ex, I feel that I love him more than he loves me. I'd say if you guys get along very well, if he treats you well, he respects you, he makes you happy, give him a chance. After all, love fades away, personality stays. If he is not THAT great, then move on.

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  • Well he was honest so it's up to you to decide what to do with it

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  • You should leave him.

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    • I am thinking of distancing myself and to think it over if i want to be with him

    • The reason I had to answer this post 👇
      Are you in love or not? Running away is how it's made wrong if your answer is yes, I do

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