Women, When it comes to hanging out or meeting up do you expect the guy to take the initiative to go to you first?

I would like female opinions on this. Say you really want to hang out with a guy or spend some time with him.. Would you expect him to take the initiative to come to you or would you state what you wanted and take the initiative? Or would you ask him to come to you if you were free?

  • I'd ask him to come to me
    21% (12)
  • I'd just expect him to come to me
    52% (29)
  • I'd totally go to him
    27% (15)
And you are? I'm a GirlGuys can not vote on this poll

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19

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd prefer it if I go to him and he shows he is ok with being receptive rather than trying to control eveeything... I find it hot when guys don't feel the need to be " macho". More importantly asking a guy out is like my litmus test. If he plays games or skirts around it or tries to out the ball in his court instead of just responding then I'm out. Good riddance. I'd rather fimd that out in the beginning the waste time.

    Course if he gets to me first and I'm interested I'm not going to be like" no I want to ask you instead " ) it's just a preference it's not immutable. :-)

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    • Ah that's really interesting actually. It's cool that you don't need guys to be macho. I'm not a very macho person on my default setting lol

    • I want to add something bc I notice a lot of times guys just assume women can't handle rejection as well as men and that's why they dont ask. Now some women really may feel they have an innate problem with rejection, bc they dint have as much exoeriemce with it. Rejection loses power the more you confront it.

      For many women it's not rejection but being seen as stepping out of their place that stops them. Obviously no one likes rejection bit notapproaching someone bc you don't think you have a right is really unhealthy. What I don't get is why anyone would use that as a justification- hell think I'm x y z if I make a move. Bc if he's going to jusge you fir being human and having courage I dont understand the attraction after that point.

      Why do people want peopke who don't respect them. How can it not be obvious to anyone that if a person rejects you bc you had the audacity to have strength of courage --they DONT respect you. That's the thing that totally evades me.

    • I think thats not tru. I ve been rejected plenty when younger. Unfortunately only lead me to become mistrustful and not ever take a chance to make moves. Males are very unforgiving of things that makes them feel weird, but lot of them sont have the balls to tell you howbthey feel about what u r doing wrong and simply reject u or abandone you. Girl is left to wonder whether he thinks you are a slut, desperate or some other such crap. Thats something thats really hard to ponder as a girl, its not funny and it takes a while to recoup. Its not fair and can't just be shrugged off.

What Girls Said 18

  • I typically go about it like this: if I feel I have the opportunity to let him try to approach me, I will. If I feel we don't see each other enough/feel like he won't take initiate, I will. However, if it becomes a trend where he never initiates anything (dates, conversation, etc) then I will admittedly get a bit bored. I hate being the sole pursuer in a relationship; both parties have to do the work.

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  • I'd try to be patient for him to make the first move (because even though men say they like a girl with some spunk, they really like being the initiator -makes them feel more manly I guess...), but if it doesn't go that way I ask them to come to me.
    I mean why not?
    Or maybe even go to him. Depends on how I think it would go - he might be too frightened to come to my place - for whatever reason.

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  • I would ask a guy if he'd like to meet somewhere to hang out, and we both go there. If he doesn't have a vehicle, I'll pick him up. If he initiated and asked to go somewhere, I don't mind meeting up at the place he picked either.

    If I had a choice to hang out at a house, I'd rather go to his place. Unless this is my boyfriend (not just casual dating), then he can know where I live.

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  • It depends on what we're doing and how well I know the guy.

    Typically, I'd state that I wanted to meet somewhere (if we were going to eat). That way, we're in public, I have my own mode if transportation if for some reason I have to leave earlier than expected, and there's always the option to go to either place if it suits us.

    If it was one of my friends, I'd be fine with either place, depending on what it was we were planning on doing.

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  • Well, I wouldn't expect it but if it was like our first time hanging out then I'd like him to come to me. Gonna be totally honest here and say that I probably wouldn't ask. I'm hella shy and rejection is not fun lol.

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    • Rejection does suck but it can be better than the alternative sometimes.. It sucks when someone isn't interested because they feel you're not interested :/ haha

    • I'm guilty of that lol. I've probably missed out on a few cool guys because I wrote them off as not being interested.

    • Yeah I've probably done that with women.. haha

  • I'm not going to just wait around for him to ask me out or make a move. If I really like a guy, I can work up the courage to go to him myself. It's not fair to just expect the guy to make the first move. If he's really that important to me, I'll take the initiative.

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    • Taking the initiative is wise regardless of gender.

    • Yes it is. I don't understand the people (particularly girls) who have the mindset of 'If he really likes me, he'll come to me'. It doesn't make sense. If everyone had that mindset, everyone would stay single.

  • I know the cool thing to say would be that I'd ask him but seriously I'm super shy and I'd never ask a guy first. Sorry to be lame and sexist like that😉

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    • Nah we all have preferences. I don't really care who approaches who as long as it gets done lol

    • lol I thought you were making an angry face in your new profile pic until I actually saw it close up.

    • Haha my friend says that's my sinister face lol... which is sort of what it's supposed to be. Perhaps I'll change it lol

  • I'd rather he ask me w/out me having to prompt him.

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  • The guy making that move will show us he's interested. Some girls feel like if we have to make that move than we feel desperate/silly and so then we won't. Depends on how long you've been dating or seeing each other.

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    • You dont think there's a problem if you feel desperate or silly just bc you make a move? What ever is causing you to feel that way isn't fixed if he makes a move. It just covers it up.

      If you think about it not just feel it. Why do you think you should feel despate or silly? It takes courage to ask someone out. That requires strength it's unfortunate you can't feel good about being strong.

    • @Azara That's very true! I guess Some girls feel this way most likely cause of it not going anywhere or rejection too. Also low self esteem of course

  • I prefer the guy to come to me because i wanna know that your really interested in me

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  • Honestly, I would love it if he came to me. If he didn't, I would go up to him, but I would be kinda pissed. Confidence is attractive and all that good stuff, blah blah blah.

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  • Depends what ur exp. as a girl has been... I tried taking initiative long time ago and asked to go to see movie. I got the cold shoulder in return- who the F wants to put up with dat!

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  • I prefer him to come to me.

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  • It should switch back and forth but I'd like him to come to me first :D

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  • I've gone to a guy before that showed all the signs of being interested but when I asked him to hang out in an email. He basically ignored that part and said that he would see me and the place we always see each other...

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  • I would try to give him an opportunity to go ahead and ask me. If he still hasn't tried after being given enough opportunities, I would ask him... So long as I was under the impression that he may be interested in me as well, and just too shy/scared to ask. However, if he was generally aloof to me, I would not ask even if I REALLY wanted to.

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    • Can you elaborate on the aloof bit? Do people act that way when they like someone?

    • I can say from personal experience that some people might act that way when they like someone, if they are particularly shy. Out of being worried that my crush would realize my feelings before I was prepared for it, I would try to seem unphased by him being around, or would try to be very matter of fact in how I spoke instead of playful or flirty. Now that I am older, I am no less shy, but insightful enough to realize that this behavior is counterproductive, so I usually try to face my fears and avoid doing so. However, it may still happen unintentionally in moments of intense shyness. That being said, I don't think that sort of behavior is limited to my younger self. I assume shy people of any age or gender might act in this way with someone they like, whether or not it is intentional. If I thought a guy liked me but was too shy to ask I would ask him, but if he wasn't at least giving me signals that he wanted me to, I wouldn't put myself out there either

    • That makes sense. Thank you for the lengthy explanation :)

  • I'd be the one initiating if he was an introvert and if he was an more of an extrovert I would probably expect him to initiate.

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  • I wish I was the type of girl that can take the initiative on this but I'm not. I wait for the guy to approach

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