Single mothers, how do you cope with being alone and having to be strong all the time?

I'm so lonely! I've been a single mom for almost three years and it just does not get any easier, it's probably getting harder, I've had terrible luck dating so much that I'm not even interested but I feel so alone, it's so hard not having help and being told repeatedly how I have to strong for my daughter. It's so hard trying to be a super mom, I have a job, I'm educated and just started a doctoral program, I can afford daycare (barely it is so expensive on one income), but I live alone, my family lives in a small town where there are no jobs and I wouldn't have anything to do (500 population, it is small!! ) I just got out of a relationship and I'm so heartbroken and dealing with that, I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up!

I love my daughter, she's the best little girl ever, and I'm trying to keep it together for her but I can't stop crying at night or when I realize I have no one to help! Any advice from other single moms? Does it ever get better? I don't know what to do anymore.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It must be really difficult.

    I always think it is amazing how single parents manage their work life and family life among other things.

    Are there any 'network' you can utilise? Could there be a single parents support group near you? It will be difficult to join another group given you've got enough already on your plate, but I think it can be a good investment of your time, so that you can get the support when you need it.

    Being just out of a relationship is also very difficult. The fact that you are going through a lot of difficult things at once worries me about your well being. Beware of depression - you may not be aware, but you might be suffering from it, too. There are a few tests available on the internet, so give them a go and get some professional help, as necessary.

    Regardless, you need to take very good care of yourself first. Hope things will improve for you soon.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It sounds like you are doing everything in your power to remain single. Job, doctoral program, commute, financially strained, and still need to actually have time for your daughter.

    Sincerely, what is it that you actually want in life?

    Look, I dated a single mother with three daughters and would have married her except she was doing everything you're doing. She had no time or emotional capacity for a relationship. The sad part is she could have stayed home and actually had a real relationship with her daughters instead of burning the candle at both ends and in the middle. Instead, she gets them when they're tired and she's worn out. She's killing herself so someone else gets them during their best hours and precious years.

    She could have home schooled, volunteered, worked part-time, or even started her own business if she wanted. Instead, she was hell-bent on "independence" and control of her life. Someday, she'll succeed and look around to see there's no one else there.

    Disregard the pep-talks and empowerment speeches. If having a meaningful relationship and marriage is important to you, if you want to demonstrate the kind of interdependent and 'lasting' relationship I assume you want your daughter to have one day, then everything you do from this point on is making you available and moving towards that relationship or you're not doing it. Leave no part of your life unexamined. (Of course, "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" applies, too. If this affords you more time with your daughter instead of other pursuits that you can do later in life, all the better.)

  • I'm not a mom or a girl but any chance you could move somewhere better with more job opportunities or find a group with other moms and children to talk to?

    I'm a single guy still with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own right now, part of me wishes I was married because financial help and having someone in my life for support as well. I can't even get a date I've never dated! Funny how I'm good with kids and cooking and cleaning and handyman work I could easily be like a housewife if my wife worked I stay home and take care of things during the day but no woman wants that I guess.


What Girls Said 2

  • I have to agree with the most helpful guy. Take care of yourself. Be aware of your depression. I'm a single mom to. I have never gotten over my baby boys dad and it's been 11yrs. I've been asingle mom the whole time. I get real depressed then I connect with people on okcupid to talk to. It's free. It's a social and dating site. But there are guys in the same situation to talk to so I find that helps. Just be choosy about going out with anyone on the site. And when I start feeling heartbroken and lost I look at my little boy and remember he was a wonderful gift of love. And so is your daughter. It gets easier the older they get. I don't know how you feel about you daughters Dady. But I'm always greatfull a man loved me enough to give me a life to take are of and love in his place. Totally maternally now. Don't want to get weird. Good luck doll😉

  • You done well for yourself. Maybe you need to move another town or something.