Would you even WANT to date someone who is settling for you?

I see so many GAGers complain that they get rejected by everyone they're interested in because the opposite gender is too shallow - only wants women who are thin or men who are rich or whatever. If someone really finds you unappealing, would you even want them to date you and just be not that excited about it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • God, no. I am only going to spend my life with someone who thinks I'm the cat's pajamas. 💚

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Never. I don't want someone who settled for me , just like I won't ever be with someone I just settled for. That's an insult

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What Guys Said 25

  • Personally no. I wrote a mytake about this very subject.

    However, most people I know personally who are upset about being rejected are not upset with the person for being shallow or because the person never gave him/her a chance. Most of them I know are upset because they don't like being unattractive.

    Here's the mytake I wrote:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10937-not-giving-you-a-chance-may-very-well-have-been-the-compassionate

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  • Definitely not. My life is short and I want to spend it with someone that appreciates me. If she's settling for me it means she is not worth anything more then my friendship

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  • Nah Im not into that. If she doesn't physically and sexually fancy me I would feel unwanted. #BackToFishing

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  • Well if Eva Longoria hooked up with me because it didn't work out with her model boyfriend I would feel blessed and think he's an idiot lol. I try not to let my pride be a negative thing

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  • I would NEVER settle!

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  • Who is settling for me? I'd prefer we both enjoy each other's company and really enjoy each other regardless if we are rich or thin. But that's just me.

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  • everyone settles to some extent but I'd like to date someone who was actually attracted to me in some way

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  • No, she'd have to find me attractive both physically and mentally in order for the relationship to work.

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  • I wouldn't date them. I settled with a girl for almost two years and it didn't end well (we are still friends though) I have personally noticed that many of the girls on gag are super bitchy and even more inexperienced than my 18 year old self.

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  • No. I can not marry a girl that does not love me even if she is can be very attractive since you have to work together to have a nice relationship. :).

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  • you forget that many women have a 6ft plus requirement, I find that the most shallow of anything. i don't discriminate on height I've dated women that are 5'4 and women that are 5'11 and i'm 5'7, so you women need to stop being so hung up on your guy having to be 6ft

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    • So you'd be happy to have women who are "too picky" about height settle for your 5'7", as long as she was delighted with you in other ways?
      (For the record, I "forget" that many woman have this requirement, since most men are shorter than 6' and most guys I know are in happy relationships anyway.)

    • yes, because, n my opinion height is the most stupid thing to be hung up on, many women pass on really good guys, guys that they even may be attracted to all because he isn't tall. a lot of women have a 6ft requirement, I see it all the time on tinder "no men under 6 ft apply" or "must be 6ft to ride this". I have even overheard girls say, "he's sexy, but he isn't tall so I can't". I think its more of women being worried about what society would say.

  • I could settle for one woman ( girl) if it was meant to happen , it takes two for any
    relationship to work.

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    • I'm not sure I understand this comment. Are you saying you'll feel like you're settling if you ever agree to a monogamous relationship? Certainly you're right that a relationship takes two.

    • I believe in settling for one Woman for my life
      i don't do hook ups and no friends with benefits

    • Gotcha (and agree)
      But you're not interested in dating/ marrying a woman who wishes she could do better but decides you're all she's gonna get, right? That's what I was trying to ask with the word "settle" - sorry I wasn't clear.

  • No because I'm fucking great and if they can't see that then it's their loss, not mine.

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  • well being a guy, attraction for the other gender isn´t determined by looks to such an extend. of course if she just keeps dating me, because she can´t find a better one, then i don´t want her either.

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  • I'd use them for sex.

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  • Some people are really unappealing though, so I think they are happy to have someone and not be alone anymore.

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  • I'd offer to be friends with benefits for such person, but not date them.

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  • I don't really understand the question

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    • I guess I'm trying to understand the people who complain that they are rejected by people whose standards are too high. I wouldn't want to date someone who decided to settle for me 'cause he couldn't really have the kind of woman he really wants, so I don't understand why any man would want me to "lower my standards" enough to date him - wouldn't that just be insulting and he'd rather hold out for someone who would value him for real?

  • Everyone settles. Nobody is with their first choice.

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    • Wow. "Everyone" and "Nobody" was often the hint on a test that that statement was false. You won't believe me, but my boyfriend is ideal. I'd take him over anyone and there's nothing about him I want to change. Maybe I'm the only one, but I doubt it.

    • And then when you grow up into the real world, you learn to recognize absolutes as stand-ins for generalizations.

      I'm not saying he's not ideal -- what I'm saying was, he wasn't your first choice at the time you got together with him. Unless he was, then congratulations -- you really beat the odds.

    • meh, he's clearly settling for me 'cause I haven't grown up enough to take hyperbole seriously. thanks for your opinion, even so.

  • I would not mind initially.

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    • but it would grate on your over time?

    • It depends how madly I am in love with her.

  • Yes, but only if she is hot :P

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    • I don't understand, but I respect your opinion.

    • If the girl is attractive, I wouldn't mind is she is settling for me.

  • LOL women want rich men (whores), men want attractive women (whats wrong with being sexually attracted to the opposite gender through the only gender specific trait besides pheromones?) money is trade for almost everything, having it as a prerequisite in a relationship makes you a product to be owned.

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    • And most people will settle, deal with it

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    • You are still comparing prostitution by definition to hard wired sexual attraction, you do know the popular saying "prostitution is the oldest profession" (coined by Runard Kipling) refers to the average women being a prostitute, not the women on the side of the street, since women have higher sexual value than men, so women can sell their body in most facets of life. Shit "straight" women are literally more aroused by the female body than the male body, indiana.edu/.../Chivers_Seto_Blanchard_2007.pdf .

    • "You think that when women value men who can spend money on them, that makes those women a possession to be bought and thus morally inferior (because like prostitutes they haven't earned the money?)" if you wanna go that way, then yes, nothing has brought women money as much as their vagina, not even close, you just have to look at history and how many female millionaires and billionaires are self made compared to men. Are you saying being sexually attracted to the opposite gender as a prerequisite is bad? so you can be with men you aren't sexually attracted to?(well you really are a prostitute then), but the person having to mostly pay your way a a prerequisite isn't morally bad? and that she deserves the money? what?

  • No one should have to settle. But sometimes it just happens that way, funny thing is, most of those who do, usually seem to wind up to be the happiest

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  • Everyone has their own tastes and being shallow is only part of it. Like I prefer Satanist women, but other people wouldn't want one.

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  • i wouldn't mind that. as long as she's a hottie ;)

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What Girls Said 18

  • No, I don't want someone who settles for me. I want them to enjoy me as I am and not compare me or think that I'm second best. I want to be their favourite and not necessarily for them to think they could never do better because I'm sure they could, but for them to not want to do better because they've got me.

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    • I think the key here is "better." If what my boyfriend wanted was a lingerie model (who would always look like a lingerie model?) then he could do a lot better than me. If what he wanted was friend and lover who shares his sense of humor and interests and worships his body, then I'm about as good a catch as he's gonna find.

  • No, never. I will never let someone settle for me. Maybe it means I'll never be in a relationship, but I can't let a dude settle for me, that'd be a very shitty feel.

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  • no~ better to be alone than with someone who thinks of me as simply "good enough".

    anyone who settles for, or is a willing participant in, a mediocre relationship has serious self-esteem issues and would likely benefit from some professional counselling. unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love/sex/whatever, it's a waste of time.

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  • I understand both sides to this situation. A relationship needs attraction otherwise it is just a friendship, however, exterior features are not the only attractive feature a person can possess.
    Before my boyfriend and I started dating I did not find him attractive while he secretly liked me for months and always hoped that our friendship would turn into something more. I didn't find him attractive and just "friend-zoned" him but after a while I could not help falling in love with the amazing qualities he possesses. He is amazing, treats me like a princess and is humorous! My perception of him changed after some time of knowing him and I find him the most irresistible and most amazing man in the world.
    He thinks that I am settling for him when in fact I am completely head over heals!
    I don't know if what I experienced is a rare case but I believe that any person deserves a chance and if the spark is not there after some time of getting to know a person then the answer speaks for itself.

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    • Your answer made me think. My boyfriend pursued me for a while (when I was getting over a previous relationship) before I started dating him. It never occurred to me that he might think I was settling for him - he ought to be out of my league and I just hit the jackpot. I think I need to make sure he knows that!

  • of course not

    love has to be mutual

    if there is not attraction (emotionally and physically) whatsoever on the other part, why bother?

    It is not a good premise for a relationship. And they are hard as it is when there is actually mutual attraction!

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  • Great question.. and no I wouldn't..

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  • Lol great question! I think the complainers don't want to be settled for, but to be found attractive by the one they are attracted to.

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    • You're right. I guess that describes us all, right? I wish every guy I'd ever had a crush on was just as taken with me. But that's just not life.

    • Same here. I think it might have something to do with self-confidence. The higher your self-confidence, the more you will blame the other gender.

  • Hellll no lol great point tho! Bwahaha.

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  • "If someone really finds you unappealing.."

    What kind of question is this? If they're not interested in me, I move on.

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  • No, of course not.

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  • I'd want that someone to be into my personality. And if they have to settle for my appearance in order to get my personality, then i'm fine with it. Since i doubt he'd go too low to settle anyway.

    Either way, being appreciqted and wanted for your personality, for who you are, is way more valuable to me than being wanted for how i look like. It also says much about the guy if he settles for my looks. Compared to guys who dates Barbie dolls with the personality of a fucking cactus.

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    • You're emotionally stronger than I am, I think. I would be hurt if I thought my boyfriend was excited about how I look, too.

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    • I've accepted the fact that I'm not what most guys would take as fap material, lol
      But I know I am a quite a strong and independent and modern thinking woman and I believe in pulling my own weight and not expecting the guy to support me. So I know I have a decent personality.

    • If he is too shallow to oversee my personality because he doesn't like the way I look, then it's his loss, not mine.

  • N O
    Filler

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  • Nope, wouldn't want that at all.

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  • nope.
    ...

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    • I see guys do this all the time and they never seem to understand why they're so miserable even though they "got" the girl they wanted.

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    • what did charades say? it's gone

    • I think, scrambledagain, that you just brought up another reason why it's crazy to date someone who is settling for you - 'cause he'll cheat on you first chance he gets.

  • I wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't really excited about me. It would make me feel bad to know a guy was just settling because he couldn't get the one he really wanted to be with. That's just using someone

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  • Nothing worse than being second best. Wouldn't do it

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  • i would not want to.

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  • To get what they want. Sex with the hot chick/guy or free stuff, generally, it seems.

    A lot of people are upset because reciprocity and genuine connection is damned difficult. It's tough, but without it, nothing is meaningful.

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    • im of the opposite opinion, maybe girls settle for the hot guy, but guys don't settle for the hot girl, that's unheard of lol. Guys settle because they can't get their hot girl, so they bite the bullet and settle with someone they not attracted too

    • The question was why would you be with someone not interested in you. And I said it was to get what you want in a self interested way - sex, money, etc.

      Sex with a hot chick/dude who thinks you're ugly is a bit of a buzzkill, I'd imagine. People can't hide lack of attraction that well, so you'd have to tune them out like they aren't there.

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