Should I (the guy) pay for everything?

I'm seeing this girl and we're not official yet, but its going well and we're hanging out a bit. I still live at home whereas she doesn't and so naturally I have a bit more money saved than her. When I ask her on a date or to hang out and it involves money, i'm totally cool with paying because I really like her and money doesn't really matter to me as long as we're spending time together. She says she feels bad sometimes though and is kind of apprehensive to do things that cost a bit more even when I say ill pay. Should I pay all the time or let her pay for things sometimes? She offers to pay sometimes but i'd feel bad (and kind of emasculated) if she paid.

Thanks :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should let her pay for things. I'd get pissed off if my boyfriend never let me pay for anything. Even if you pay the majority - which is fine because you have more money than her, it's like a ratio thing then rather than a gender thing -, let her pay for drinks or something. Sometimes treating her to a free date would be nice but you don't need to do it all the time, no worries :)

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    • Okay thanks that helps a lot :) So say if it was a date that she didn't really have the money for, i. e. a theme park or something, and she was keen to come but just didn't have the money; is it okay for me to offer to pay for her? I think the thing is that i dont want to come across like im making a big deal about the fact that I have a little bit of money (enough at least to do stuff like theme parks and that) and making her feel bad about me paying for stuff

    • I'd say that that was fine. It's happened to me before actually. My boyfriend always had much more money than I did because his family earned more so he was always able to put more into date than I was able to, and we actually went to a theme park once as a date. He was cool with paying for everything but I didn't want to feel like I was his poor person charity case :P So we decided that, so as not to hurt my ego, he would be allowed to pay for tickets and things like that and I would just be in charge of paying for things like our train tickets and buying and making food to take with us. We managed to balance it so that it felt like a date and a partnership rather than a hand out. Maybe you could try that?

    • Yeah thats a really good idea actually, cause obviously the tickets will be more than the food but its still something

      Thanks :)

What Girls Said 6

  • Good question! I think the guy shouldn't have to pay for everything all the time. It should be balanced. I'd say the best option is to split the bill most of the time. IF you are doing something that costs more and she is worried about financials then you can offer to pay (if you have the money available. But don't feel pressured to do something! If it's too expensive then don't do it unless you really can and want to). It's good that you have empathy and understanding for her. Just know it's OK for her to pay sometimes for herself. That is completely acceptable and fine. In fact it's good if she sometimes pays for herself then she won't feel bad. I know I feel very bad if a guy pays too much so it helps when I get a chance to pay. Even if it's just for myself :)

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  • definitely not. that isn't fair. i think u should both balance is out. if u feel bad, u can offer to split the bill. this is the best compromise, but sometimes u gotta let her spoil u too =] it is a 2 way street after all.

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  • I think you should let her pay if she wants to. I'm one of those people who hate it when people pay for me. When I went to visit friends and my uncle in Alberta during the summer, they all insisted on paying for me because I was their guest. I'd rather just go Dutch. My friends have two little girls and a baby on the way. I know kids are expensive so it bothers me that me a single woman was being treated by a couple with kids. They kept getting mad at me when I insisted.

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  • I hate it when the guy pays for everything. Makes me feel like a moocher. So I honestly would want rather just pay for myself or pay for it all.

    Maybe she's feeling that way? Like if you just pay for it all that makes her like a moocher. So she doesn't like that feeling.

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  • It is your choice, if she wants to pay let her.

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  • You again? with the same question?

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What Guys Said 2

  • No. Make her pay for half. If you go to a restaurant, and order wine, and you drink two glasses, she drinks one, ask for the wine to be put on your tab. But she pays for her meal.

    If you make much more than her, then pay for everything. But you still live at home, don't own your residence. You're not rich. Don't try to act like a big shot.

    Women are now equal. They have half the balls. Or at least, they work and their ideas and opinions are valuable. And they should pay their way.

    If you don't make her pay half, she feels bad and is apprehensive. Your words.

    It's normal to feel emasculated in this modern world. Men aren't allowed to have balls. It's cut cut all the way.

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    • Yeah but say I want to do something with her and her even being able to come and do whatever it is with me is dependent on whether I pay or not, how do i handle that.

      Thats the thing is i know im obviously not a big shot, but i feel like given that she's paying rent and stuff and i dont have to worry about any of that, its the right thing to do

    • I'm not sure what you want to do that costs so much. Try to find activities that don't cost that much. Watching a movie at home doesn't. Walking in the park doesn't. Obviously, if you want to vacation is another country, then that's expensive. So, first, sit down, have a conversation with her, decide together.

      If she wants to go, she pays her way. If she thinks it's a good idea, but has no interest, but you insist, then you pay for yourself and for her.

      Look, it's simple. If you really want to do something, and would like her there beside you, then you pay. If you want to spend time with her, and you both agree to do something, then each pays their cost.

  • That's really up to you, some people prefer it that way others like splitting stuff, etc, etc it's just depends on what you want to do.

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