Being an almost 30 year old female virgin and dating. Not waiting for marriage just a guy I really care about?

Hi I know there are similar threads but I didn't see one on my particular situation. So I was really shy when I was younger, and got bullied through elementary and high school, so I didn't really get asked out much. I've been told I'm pretty and I'm working on losing weight... slightly overweight right now. Taking to counselor about confidence and it's helping... only issue now is my inexperience. College was great- still didn't date anyone but I made loads of friends and basically made up for high school. First boyfriend when I was 22, only 2 months. been on dates since and had the chance to have sex but didn't because it was our 2nd date and barely knew him. Farthest is 2nd base. I never thought it was obvious I'm a virgin. I laugh and make sex jokes just like my friends, and I've never said anything either way. But a few weeks ago we were all drinking and hanging out and out of the blue this one guy asked me in front of everyone if I'm still a virgin. I said no but I was pretty embarrassed... Not that there's anything wrong with it, but that I thought I fit in and I'm pretty sure he realized later I was lying and hurt my feelings since I was pretty quiet after that. So my questions are- Is it really obvious that someone is a virgin? Even if the only thing separating them from friends is lack of sexual experience? I've been told people are surprised by my knowledge of sex acts and jokes. Never been embarrassed till now but will a guy think I'm a freak? The guy who asked me made it seem weird, and bad... I know it's not but will guys? Don't want to make a big deal about it, I know I'm ready and when I meet a guy I care about it'll be great. But after this question it makes me think it will be harder to get there because I don't want to be labeled as a prude or damaged since I'm so old... Neither are true! Thanks for listening!

Updates:
Thanks. I found out that it's because I act uncomfortable sometimes when we joke, but honestly half the sex jokes aren't even funny. And I overheard a few people mention how it would explain things... Like why I act the way I do. I always thought I was like everyone else. Now I'm super self conscious to hang out again, because i now know they were talking about me and I feel awkward like I no longer fit in. I know it's not malicious but it really shattered my confidence. thanks for the kindness!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • well i'm very shocked

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, if he cares *that* much about you being a virgin, he doesn't really care about you.

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    • Thank you! I feel better that people think there's nothing wrong! You're right, which is precisely why I waited.

What Guys Said 5

  • its great that there are still people that are waiting. I wouldn't worry your man will be pleasantly supprised when he finds out. when the time comes you might want to let him know ahead of time that could be a shock. its a big thing to b someones first

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  • I can't tell if someone is a virgin or not. I just found out yesterday that one of my close acquaintances was a virgin, even though I never would have reckoned him for that type. In this day and age, you'd be surprised.

    I am a man-virgin also, but people seem to gather that from my behavior and mentality.

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    • Thank you! It'll work out for you too! I just keep thinking there's a reason why it hasn't happened yet, and one day it'll be really clear.

  • Just say you were saving yourself for marriage and recently changed your mind. Some guys will appreciate you picked them to pop your cherry while some others would prefer a woman with at least some experience.

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    • Thank you! I get what you're saying about recently charging my mind but I really don't want to lie, because many people who wait for marriage do for religious reasons, not all, but many. And I've never been religious or wanted to wait for that reason. I'm glad you think it's not a deal breaker.

  • No not easy tell. People make assumption but that not fact.

    As long work hard you will get man and have sexy time.

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  • Guys don't think you're a freak. It's totally fine and respectable.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm sure some guys won't think negatively about you because of that. If you find the right guy, he will be patient and respect you.

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