Will this relationship work? How much time should I give us?

My boyfriend is a good deal younger than I am. He's really sweet, caring and loving, but sometimes I feel like our relationship will never work out.

I gave him a chance in the beginning because he seemed mature - he wasn't like other guys his age - but now I see that he's not all that mature. He obviously has experienced much less in life than I have, and doesn't have the most patience, so when things happen that to me are par for the course, he freaks out.

For example, he tried to earn some cash by selling his old stuff to a thrift store. He got so upset and pissed when they offered him a meager amount for his stuff. He claimed they were trying to 'rip him off' and 'cheat' him. I'm like, "It's a thrift store. What do you expect?" And i explained to him this is how they make money not that they are trying to rip him off. He didn't even want to listen to me and swore they were cheats.

I mean, yes, this is not a big issue, but its just one of the many things he has to grow up to understand. I think he just needs to experience the world more. That said, how much time should I give him to 'grow'? What if this is just the way he is and not something he can grow into? I get annoyed with him when he shows his immaturity, so maybe am I the problem? I keep thinking, if we were the same age we would be experiencing 'life' together, learning about new things together and I would be less annoyed.

So tell me, is this relationship doomed? Or should I give him time? If so, how much?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • if the relationship is doomed or not will depend on the attitude you have towards him.
    It isn't fair to have patronizing thoughts, be annoyed or thinking he is immature just because he reacts differently to certain situations than you do.

    Yes many things come with age, also a certain level of "no fucks given" but not everyone is the same. there is a big chance he will still be the same person in a few years.

    You should focus on the important things that show you if this relationship is worth working out.
    things like his general personality and capability to adapt to unexpected events. Problem solving and communication skills.
    the plans he has for his future, and if those match up with yours.
    the way he treats you and how he values your relationship.
    Is he respectful and supportive of you.
    Are you compatible in your general view of the world and life
    etc etc etc

    Take my relationship as an example: I am 36, my fiance is 30. I do have a lot more life experience and broad general knowledge about many things, having owned a business with my ex husband and so on.
    Those are things I cannot expect him to fully understand, but I don't blame him for it. I have at times been his coach, his lawyer and his secretary, and have done so because he asked for help, or I saw him being taken advantage of and stepped in.
    None of it lessens my respect for him, because he is great in everything else.

    so, in short: the relationship will only work if you can love and respect him for the person he is NOW and not what he might or should be like when he is 30 or 40.
    If you can't, the only fair thing to him, would be to break up.

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    • Thanks! That's very meaningful. Worth thinking hard about. What if though, I want to know if him throwing tantrums is an age thing or a personality trait? How do i know?

    • no way of knowing really... but, everybody has some flaws, it is your choice to accept him or not, to let them affect you or not. You are not perfect yourself for sure, and maybe have some quirks he finds annoying too. a temper tantrum is not really such a terrible thing is it? Just ignore it.
      My fiance has a habit of being overly cautious and sometimes almost paranoid. He also likes to complain about this hurting and that hurting (Italian... drama baby, drama lol) If it gets on my nerves I just tell him to cut it out or just plain ignore him if there is nothing I can do to help (he is a cook and of course his feet hurt at the end of the day... what can I do?) he has realized that he can be annoying and will often stop himself now "oh, I'm being whiny again... how do you put up with me? haha"
      Try taking his fits with humor and just let it go. There are more important things you can worry about.

What Guys Said 4

  • It's doomed and don't waste anymore time

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  • I hung into a relationship like that for 4 years which ended badly. Tried to give her all the time I could but her "acting out" all the time things didn't work her way just killed my patience. I just came to understand that the myths about how society works and how it actually works angers the heck out of "New Adults." And rightly so but I couldn't help her get past it. I cut it off but not before she played one last hand. Which killed any chance for a friendship afterwords.

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  • this is what a relationship is suppose to be, you go together and become closer. that's all these girls who go for older guys simply don't understand, there's not gonna be anything there. don't throw this away

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  • Do you love him?
    Yes-it's not doomed
    No-it's doomed
    Idk-find out

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What Girls Said 2

  • You have been there for him, @alyssaishhere, and have Given him More chances with many more romances than he probably deserves. You have been Observing him, seeing how much he is very Immature, and with the sounds of ho wmuch Maturity you have in store with more, he has a lot of going and growing to do to even catch up, let alone Fill your own shoes with here, dear.
    Perhaps it is time to show what I call "Tough love." Tell him you believe a Break is in order so you both can take some time and some space to think things out. You feel you ned this time for yourself, and if he doesn't like this, has a hissy fit, maybe it is time to put JR. in his crib and go on with More in store for you, which is a world worth exploring.
    However, if he agrees, decide if you love him unconditionally enough To... Wait forever or forever hold your peace or his hand, depending what comes first.
    Frankly, being as wise as I am, he may never grow up, you probably will be always 'Annoyed, ' if Not more so, and as far as 'Learning about new things together,' you are better off doing it with someone else who is More into Understanding and enjoying what you want to do because you most likely will never be able to teach this old dog new tricks.
    Also as wise as I am, I know that this world is bad and that time is a wasting and God only knows how much more time we have in life. Wit that being said, live each day as though it were your last but don't spend a lifetime on waiting around for someone who may never meet your expectations or get to where you are and what you have Accomplished.
    Good luck. xx

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    • is a hissy fit really something worth ending a relationship over? I don't get that. He was mad about something that happened to him and expressed this to the person he trusts most. Now he is getting smack for it. Doesn't seem fair to me honestly. Nobody is perfect, and there are certainly many other, more important things that show a persons maturity and commitment to a relationship. I am a hot head too, very impulsive and emotional. I can go Hiroshima in certain situations, but that does not take away from my positive traits. I think it is wrong to "convict" him of the crime of not being perfect.

    • Very well, @alyssaishere but remember, he may never change and it could go back to a full circle pattern of where you are now. xxoo

  • Seriously you're only 23 there's a lot more for you both to learn about life. I'm 34 and still learning. That is an attitude problem more than a lack of life experience. My ex was like a spoiled brat. He was the princess of the relationship and I ended up being the negotiator and counsellor. Not worth the hassle. If you're in doubt think back to when you were his age. Did you behave like him? Would you have freaked out over things like he seems to? Think what male friends were like at that age? Honestly I think it's his personality and if you have doubts now Maybe you need to live a little yourself

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    • I'm not quite sure what you mean. Are you saying its his personality and that I might be like how you were with your ex, having to be the negotiator and counsellor so I should probably break it off with him if I can't live with that? Also, what do you mean live a little myself. I'm actually 26, not 23, so does that change things?

    • My advice. Sit down and really think about his traits as a person irrespective of age. The age/immaturity is an excuse. I know plenty of 18 year olds who are more mature than 25 year olds so I think it's his personality. Take a look at your role in the relationship. Is it mutually responsible or are you the peace keeper, negotiator. Does this relationship give you what you need? Sorry it says 23 beside your name I thought that was the age you are.

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