Is this weird? Settling down at 20?

Alright so I'm only 20 but I am not a big fan of the whole dating thing. Like I dont want to date just to have fun like a lot of people at this age do. I want nothing to do with FWB's or hook ups. I want to find someone to settle down with. I look forward to getting married and having kids and stuff. Is this super weird since I'm only 20? I feel like with so many of my friends these things are no where on their radar. Is not wanting to date for the heck of it and wanting to settle down at 20 crazy? Also I've only ever had one boyfriend and am currently single so I've never had the whole dating thing either. So am I crazy?

  • You're crazy.
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  • You're not crazy.
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  • Other. (Please comment)
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Updates:
I just want to say that 1 I am single like I said so I'm not going to get married right now. I still want to be with someone for a while before we do get married. Same goes for having kids, I'm not having them right now, i plan to hopefully be married first. This is all still a bit away, but if I find someone I'm happy with (not settling for) I would love to start my life with them. It seems like a lot of my friends/people my age don't want to start a life with someone else.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not crazy, but you are asking for a divorce.

    The majority of marriages when the woman is under 21 end in divorce. The reason is because women do not finish forming their adult self until some point over 23, and it is usually closer to 25. You will be a different person when you are 30 than who you are now. That different person may not like who you choose now as a husband.

    Wait until you are 27 before getting married and have kids. You may struggle for the next 7 years, but you will be thankful during the following 60.

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    • yeah she could still date the man she's going to marry now. now is a good age to start taking this seriously 27 is getting to be too late to start thinking about this sort of thing

Most Helpful Girl

  • 22. With 2 kids and plans for marriage in the next few years.

    Words of wisdom, establish or get started on a career first because it's so much easier without kids in tow, there's no daycare or late nights so just take that time to get your head down and concentrate without distractions.

    I think it would wise to date a little more, just to give you a greater understanding of what you are looking for in a relationship and whether you could adjust to settling down so early. It's a big commitment and not something to be taken lightly, trust me on that. If you wanna travel, do it now and if you do decide to have children young, say good bye to your independence and don't have any regrets about what you could have done when you didn't have those attachments.

    Don't get me wrong, having kids and being in a stable relationship is fantastic but 1). It's not for everyone and I have seen many people struggle and long for their old lifestyle back and 2). I would be kidding myself if sometimes I didn't think my life would be easier without kids, it's hard, really hard.

    Don't just settle for someone for the sake of wanting to have a family. If the right person doesn't come along, don't rush it, be patient, good things come to those who wait. You do not wanna make those kind of massive commitments with someone who isn't gonna be in it for the long haul too. Financial security and a supportive partner are essential to making your plans work. Hope that is hopeful and insightful!

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    • Great comments Amber, more young women need to hear this type of perspective. For some reason our society and generation romanticize having kiddos all by ourselves, from what I've witnessed it's difficult having a child in a stable relationship let alone as a single parent. by the way, I applaud your desire to be a good mom and to tell others that the road you've chosen to take isn't easy at times. I think more young girls need to hear your perspective, it's a good one. Thanks for being so open about it.

What Guys Said 24

  • Just because the popular culture is to go whoring around in your 20's doesn't mean you have to.

    Just make sure it's the right person ad like my 7th grade history teacher said, "Make sure you buy all of your toys before you get married".

    Oh and make sure you have liv with the dude for a good year an half. People keep getting married after one to two years of dating and then wonder why they got divorced.

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  • In an age and society full of irresponsible, selfish decadence where most people think the peak of happiness is going from one physical pleasure rush to the next - yes, it is crazy.

    If you need to settle down just for the sake of having stability which you are lacking mentally - yes, it is crazy.

    In a normal mind there is absolutely nothing wrong with it though.

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  • You are more likely to make a successful partnership if you take the time to meet a variety of young men instead of settling for the first one you can stand for a couple of months. Also be sure to think about and discuss your expectations with your prospective husband before you settle down and have a child. Don't assume all men are the same. If you expect your husband to do all the stuff your father does, you better let him know before the wedding.

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  • It is not weird or crazy, just be sure that you get certain things done while you can at your age. Once you are in a committed relationship, have a mortgage, child or children, etc, there are certain thing alone time things that you don't get to experience.

    So enjoy some "me time" and make a list of things you always wanted to do yourself!

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  • I wouldn't say it's weird, because some people settle at that age or even a little younger. That doesn't mean you should or that you need to. Only if you are ready to sacrifice most - if not all of your adult life for your children, then you should settle down. If not, don't settle down. Children are a HUGE responsibility despite how some people tend to perceive unto others into thinking they're not as huge a responsibility as they really are.

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  • if women want marriage and children they should make it a priority in their early twenties. so you still have to date then marry the man so you will be well into your mid twenties by the time you actually do marry.

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  • Not crazy at all! This is in fact an ideal age for girls here to get married. Like a majority of girls will get married by 20 gears of age. But its strictly for Pakistan and its not something they're forced into. So you thinking of getting married at 20 is in fact legit and straight forward! Good luck finding the right guy.

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  • It is if you live in the U. S. A mostly filled with prematur ejaculating primate monkeys who jerk off and bang for a hobby just looking for the next dumb girl who would open her legs to them. not all of us are the same of course as most woman like to point out, there are decent man out there.

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  • No, i like how you put things there is nothing wrong with wanting to settle down at age 20 , i like the idea how you put things , you will make a good girlfriend and future wife for some nice guy out there ,,

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  • Where were you when I was 20? :)

    More seriously, if you are looking to settle down, you might need to seek older men, as most 20 year old guys are still getting it together.

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    • What about 24 year old guys? Still inmature right? Lol

    • @Bloodymaryshesaid If the 24 year old guys have a great job lined up upon graduation, for example, then they might be ready for this lady. Then again, such men may not want to settle down yet and may want to "play the field" themselves.

  • its not weird but I asure you will need to find an older man like 30 + because guys in their 20s only want have sex with as many girls as they can

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  • your payco bitch

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  • Nah, i don't think you wanting to settle down at 20 is weird, it just means your are mature than the average 20 year old.

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  • You have the right mind set and I completely agree with you! That's all I need is a woman to spend the rest of my life with.

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  • no not crazy just what you want to do, everyone is different. its the reverse of not wanting to settle down

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  • Nah I have that same mindset I just want one girl to be with but let's just say things don't seem to be going my way

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  • You crazy.

    In life nothing goes as planned

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  • What happened to goals, dreams, aspirations, and ambition? Women these days...

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    • How does this mean that all of my goals dreams etc are out of the question. I absolutely have goals and I plan on accomplishing them. Im currently in college learning the skills for a career and none of that will be stopped by any of this.

  • you are crazy

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  • You sound like a perfectly normal person. I wish more people were like you.

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  • It's crazy and you'll regret it if you do

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  • nope, pretty normal and somewhat respectable!

    my great grandmother got married at 9 so you're not too weird.

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  • No, Not really.. Everyone is different.. some people when young.. want to experience things.. Others want long lasting love.

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  • Well, you'd be settling, if you did

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    • Why do you say that?

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    • Oh that kinda settle not like a "you could do better" kind of way lol

    • You don't get it do you, you still don't get it

What Girls Said 15

  • Be happy. If you want to be serious at a young age and get married and have kids, do that. As long as you can take care of yourself, the kids, your life is in order, and you know you have no desire to do what everyone else is doing, the only thing left is to find someone who shares the same views. Just because "everyone else" (which isn't true) does things one way, doesn't mean you have to. It's part of the beauty of life. There are some, or a lot of people who may say you're too young for all of that, or sow your wild oats, or whatever, but they aren't living your life, you are, and if doing this is what will make you happy and you can, then do that. Hope you find him. Good luck to you.

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  • I'm 110% with you only I'm two years younger, I married my best friend whom I've known since I was five. We've had 13 years together, we know one another like an old married couple. Yet because we've only added the romantic aspect to our relationship three going on four years ago it's totally fresh and exciting.

    I would t recommend getting married at 18 to everyone, yet I cannot imagine not marrying my husband at 18 / 19 (him). We realized early that we loved eachother enough that we want to spend our lives together. We discussed waiting, coming to the conclusion we neither wanted to date anyone else or wait until we are finished with college. We approached all of this with the blessing of both sets of parents and premarital counseling. We're still in the Honeymoon phase but I wouldn't change things a bit. People have said we haven't experienced life, we've decided we would rather experience it with our BFF!

    There are others who think the same way you do. People have married young almost forever and their relationships lasted, why can't some who gets married young today!!

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  • My entire adult life has been a series of longer relationships and down time between. I don't like the dating scene, either. There is a balance between settling down and dating around. Find the good guys and cultivate relationships. At 20, a lot of relationships don't last to marriage, but you can still be in good long term relationships.

    Look for guys who may not be marriage minded yet but also dislike the dating scene.

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  • no i think that's totally fine actually. i feel the same way. i've only had like two boyfriends and i never ever felt the desire to hook up with a random guy or go out and party. not my thing.
    this is like my real first relationship and we've been together 3 1/2 years and i plan on moving in with him and starting a life with him. i think it's fine!

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  • Your not crazy, just naive. The chance of meeting the absolute perfect Prince Charming guy to spend the rest of your life with without going through at least a few frogs is statistically impossible.

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  • Never settle with a man, younger than 25

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  • It's nothing wrong with that so as long as you can wait until you're financially stable enough to raise a family. My parents met eachother sophomore year of college.

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    • Oh yeah, definitely don't plan on doing the family thing right away. Definitely want to be stable got that. That's just something I am looking forward to. Thanks

  • i don't think you're crazy at all... to each their own

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  • It's totally understandable :)

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  • it is all about what feels right to YOU. not what feels right to your friends.

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  • No your not crazy in my opinion I would eventually loke to settle down. But now I am not the type to date or sleep around I dont do that. I am focused in schools in my stuff I know I am not ready for a relationship because I would have to give everything of me and worry about my significant other and at the moment I can't do that I am focused in myself. But if anything happened in the future I will totally like to settle down. so no your not carzy your smart just don jump into a relationship to get married.😊😊

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  • You can look for the right person and work on yourself without trying to get married immediately. It's not one nonstop orgy for everyone in their 20s. Why do this? What WalterRadio said. I think you can start to settle down around 25, though, if you take developing your character and communication skills seriously.

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  • I'm getting married at 20, but am not settling down until I'm like 26. There is so much more fun to have with my lover. Can't do all that with a morgage or a child. Of course I've had many boyfriends and other misguided relationships. You need to date to find someone you like and get to know them. It doesn't just automatically happen. Unless you try for an arrange marriage.

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    • Also, how will you find a man at the age of twenty to date and marry you before you turn 21? It's pretty unrealistic.

  • Yes it is crazy. You're at the age where you should experience different things. The purpose of dating isn't to just hook up. You don't actually date your friends with benefits or hookup. That's just sex, not dating. FYI

    Also, how do you know who you're suppose to be with if you don't date and experience different things? You learn what you like, don't like, can't stand, etc through dating

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  • You already know the answer to this question

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