Why do guys offer to pay again when a woman rejects his offer?

Guys, if a woman says, 'I can pay for it by myself.' Just leave it be. If it is some trick that she is doing to see if you pay, do not date her. She is ruining things for girls who actually do want to pay for their things! It just depends on the woman :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because men are taught that they are supposed to be the ones to pay. Usually, you're supposed to offer at least twice. Modern times, it's supposed to be a meaningless gesture when most women offer to pay, once. Then men are supposed to offer, again. Then, if the woman offers to pay again, then you let her pay. That's how I've heard the rule. A way of appearing as though they are willing to pay, when they're really testing you to see if you'll actually let her pay.

    I've overheard girls say, "I offered to pay, then he JUST LET ME!"

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree. Guys are always complaining women play games if that's true for them the they must be dating the women who do that. or maybe it's the guy who is eliciting that behavior. Solution So stop dating people who don't mean want they say. You'll find there are a lot out there who do mean want they say

    I find it really disrepsextful if I say something and aguy goes in said I'm confusing him or I dont mean it. Ima n adult not a three year old. I know how to say what I mean Lol and I should not be held accountable for what other people do. That's really ba sresltionship steel. Leave baggage behind.

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What Guys Said 17

  • I'm sorry but there is a lot of confusion and mind games about this issue.

    Generally, the man has to offer first. Women are expected to offer to pay to be nice. Men then have to insist as both parties (in general) would prefer the man to pay.

    You're right of course when you say "It just depends on the woman" but guys don't want to seem cheap so think it is a test.

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    • Don't date women who play mind games. Even if they are so silly approved mind games. Take a stand don't accept it. . It's not confusing.

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    • While I agree that this is typically the custom, I have to be honest. I don't believe in following just because it's a custom. I do what feels right given the situation at the time or what just seems logical.

    • Additionally, in the beginning especially it is very important that we both conduct ourselves in a manner that does not cause each other stress, such as mindgames. The truth is that in the beginning I very likely don't know her well enough to feel a strong enough attachment to give me enough of an incentive to be willing to put up with any negativity at all.

  • Honestly, I typically just go with it. I don't have the patience to deal with somebody who says anything other than what they mean. As a mature adult you owe it to the other person to be up front with them. It's simply a matree of respect.

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    • I am an aspie. I have a very difficult time reading body language or subtlety or social cues and I depend heavily on people saying exactly what they mean in order to make communication possible. When that isn't the case, when the implied meaning is something other than what is stated, it brings a degree of stress and negs virus into the equation that it is literally impossible for her to make up for in any other way.

  • Well, if women didn't play so many mind tricks we wouldn't have these problems. But everything is a test because "Women are complex and men are just simple minded creatures"

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    • Mind games have nothing to do with being complex. There's nothing more superficial than trying to screw with someone's mind. It's want people do when they ahev no depth themselves.. And most women are not like this no more tshn men.

      Just dont date women who play games. Even if it shrinks your dating pool. You'll discover many women who don't play games as soon as you don't accept the ones who do.

  • I know it sounds stupid. But when the girl says she wants to pay for her stuff, it may sound like she didn't enjoy herself and would prefer to make sure she doesn't owe you anything so she won't have to go through this again. Yeah, we get insecure too sometimes.

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  • Because ussually when someone offers to pay for the first time it's polite to turn them down. Whether it's a business case, a date, etc...

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  • I usually offer, however if she insists, then I respect her enough to say okay.

    When it comes to this there is no hard and fast rule that says the guy has to pay. I have been on dates where the woman said she would like to pay even for my meal or drinks.

    I don't make a big deal of it and just tell her that I really appreciate it and that I will get the tab next time!

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  • Unfortunately, MOST girls are like that. Most want you to assert yourself and want you to want to take care of them, even if they don't actually want you to. They want to see you try.

    Most women don't mean what they say. You're a class above to be more direct and honest.

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    • This is what men tell themselves to justify rate.

      If you don't like games don't be complicit. Only date women who are direct. If you think it's unworthy of you then dont submit to it. If you're going to play along then you can't blam it on women. You also will not be able to identify if they are doing it or if you are. Second guessing people is a slippery slope.

    • @Azara I spend five years trying to find a woman who actually felt the way you do. I couldn't do it. Some would claim it, but then they would eventually leave me because I wasn't "confident enough". When I asked what this meant, they would say things like I didn't assert myself enough, or I treated them like I would another guy.

      You can believe whatever you want. But my experience does NOT reflect it. You don't seem to understand that there simply aren't enough women that think they way you do for all of us.

    • I agree. The vast majority play games. And the majority like a man who shows that he will sacrifice and support her in any way.

      Most women will say they think the man should pay.

  • well if iam asking her out and on a date iam paying ( but i never take them somewhere fancy or expensive , i am not rich yet and i wanna see the true her ) i insist on paying and won't accept money from her but sometimes she just throws the money and runs away... you can't really pin her down , take the money and put it in her pocket so u will have to accept it pay next time.

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  • I think its just being polite. Most people decline favors initially because they don't want to seem needy or as if they expect them. If I offer and they decline, I usually counter with, "are you sure? I don't mind." but no more than that. I certainly don't have any ulterior motives or bad intentions, just being nice.

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  • On the same note, many women will say they can pay but expect the man to not let her.

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  • But if your the one who took her on the date then you should pay, unless it was decided otherwise before hand.

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  • I usually say "no please let me pay, I invited you" and if she really really wants to play I'll let her. I don't understand some are trying to be nice and offer to pay some actually don't want you to pay

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  • Some of us were just brought up that way. I look at from the perspective of who asked who out. The asker should pay. Having said that if a woman asked me out I would still offer and if she says no then it's ok. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I believe in being a gentleman. Chivalry isn't dead but well hidden in today's generation.

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  • ... you'll be friend zoning him soon...

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  • I was taught to always insist once, and then leave it be. *shrugs*

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  • I've never dated women so I guess my opinion is null and void.

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  • Is she rejected me she can eat shit and die, she'll never hear from me again.

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    • If she rejected you, then she probably doesn't want to hear from you ever again. ;)

What Girls Said 9

  • Guys will offer a 2nd or 3rd time only because of past events where she has either changed her mind about paying or they suffered from not paying b/c she harbored a grudge that he didn't insist enough.

    You don't need to feel so abused now that you have this gift of another 10 years of experience benefits your perspective.

    Also at play is old school egos - the one that pays is the dominant one, whether they wear the hat of boss, husband, master, older/wiser, better job/income, whatever.

    Yes, I realize paying cuts the obligation ties and assumptions but friends borrow in order to repay and repay doesn't have to be sex, even if that was mistakenly assumed - this could be cookies instead

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  • Why do guys offer to pay again when a woman rejects his offer?
    In my opinion it is generally because they want to have a sense that the gal owes them. It is probably for guys to be more sexual or guilt a gal into sex when they feel she is indebted to him.

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  • I completely agree. For some reason it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable when someone else pays for me. Once i have been dating someone for a while then yes i let them pay occasionally as i will pay for them occasionally too but other than that please guys when a girl says do not pay for her do not do it.

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  • He wants to be the gentlemen

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  • I'll only offer to pay if I'm the one who suggested the outing and I'll let the guy know ahead of time, so when we're out it doesn't seem like I'm "testing" him. But, so far, the guys I've gone out with squash my offer and pay for everything anyway lol

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  • They want to be "chivalrous" or whatever.

    I always make sure I pay for at least myself, and preferably for the guy too. Someone's gotta break the traditional gender roles, right?

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  • That's kind of a stupid opinion. I like him to ask the two times, Im still gonna pay myself, but I like him to offer to pay for me. If everyone should just reject each other based on tiny things like that, no one would date ever.

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  • Just being nice? Mind games are stupid.

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  • they insist to pay to they can later on guilt you into sleeping with them.

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