How can I get more guys on dating websites to write more than just "hi" to me in their opening message?

A recent myTake was posted on the subject of online dating tips. I follow all (or at least most of) the tips that the sites themselves, as well as users who've had luck, have suggested. Yet, I still get swarmed with opening messages of "hi" "how are you?" "what's up?", etc. I have no idea how to respond to such generic messages aside from with another generic line. I realize from the male perspective that many women delete messages without reading them, but for those like me who would read and respond if it showed the guy actually read the profile I put hours into wording, how can I get fewer "hi" messages and more that actually show the guy is interested enough to read what I wrote and use that as a conversation starter? This shouldn't be such a difficult request. I put the effort into my opening messages and would like more guys to do the same.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why should they? They are likely to get rejected, so why blow away a giant amount of their time messaging you?

    Just a quick message gets the ball rolling... If you're interested, you'll message back. If not, then they didn't over invest.

    What, you want a giant ego stroke? No one owes you that.

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    • No effort. No response.

    • It's not an ego stroke. When you put time and effort into writing about yourself so people can see if they'd like to know more about you and they don't use that information to talk to you, it's irritating. I don't expect an essay, but a couple sentences saying something like "Oh, you like music from X band? Me too! Have you ever seen them in concert?" Things like "Hi" don't give me anything to go off of and it takes forever to get a conversation started. The few guys whose "hi" messages I did try responding to, they asked me questions that were addressed very obviously in my profile.

    • They don't owe you for your effort. Stop being entitled.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I used to hate those messages too when I was online. Like the person isn't even trying to peak my interest or get to know me. I guess some people have a hard time communicating, but it just comes across as being lazy.

    If they are serious about you, they will at least send a few sentences. Doesn't have to be a huge life story, but a few things telling you about them and why they messaged you. Maybe even asking some questions to get you to open up.

    And it's not always one sided. I would write guys messages like this and even respond with thorough messages.

    There's really nothing you can do to deter guys from sending you those messages. The only thing you can do is to choose not to respond to the messages if they aren't willing to make conversation.

    Its' like going to a party and only saying hi to the person, then the other person says hi and you both just awkwardly stand there not saying much else.

    Doesn't it make you feel awkward when random people just say hi? I know it does for me, I usually like to open up by saying something to them like "Oh, I see you like ACDC, I love their new album!" or "Oh, ha I see you've gone for the Buffalo Chicken Dip, I like that too!". It at leasts gives you something to go on.

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    • I'm not trying to condone bad behavior but even guys on Tinder learned to make it like they made an effort by copying and pasting interesting beginning messages. Lol

What Guys Said 17

  • Post in your description/signature/thing that they need to post like they mean it. Say that you are not a robot, and you don't expect to be treated like one.

    That'll be especially effective, considering guys assume almost every girl on dating sites are bots.

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    • Thanks for the advice, but I've done that and still don't get any decent messages. The few I have, I respond to then after a short period of time the guy just disappears.

  • Some dudes just spam a generic message on every decent looking girl's profile looking for a "bite"... and don't even read profiles!

    Just filter them out and focus on the ones that put more effort into their messages.

    ----

    This is exactly why I mention a tidbit of her profile in my message, so I stand out!

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  • It's not just guys who are lazy with their first messages. Most of my messages from girls are "hey there" and "how are you?" It's like, shit, did you even take the time to read my profile?

    In reality, there's nothing you can do. You can't control what other people type.

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  • A good friend of mine told me that saying you're a sucker for pickup lines is a good way to avoid bad conversation starts, and provides a filter for people who aren't worth your time since they haven't looked fully at your profile.

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    • Any disclaimer inserted will help filter out those who didn't read the profile. When I did online dating I had my age preference listed twice and said not to message me if you're younger or older then the listed age. So when a 45yro messages you saying "Hi, I really liked your profile." You already know...

  • One way to respond would be with a "canned" response to the effect that "I got your message, but it was so short that it was only worthy of this canned response. If you feel I should give you another chance, then enter 2nd chance in the subject along with a thoughtful message."

    Copy and paste.

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  • I'd say more just do cheer you up :p
    Am in a chatty mood now anyway

    And well... I think it helps if there's stuff written about yourself.
    Like ehh kdizzle says:
    'I play the piano'
    I'd be like 'oh cool, how long would she be doing that?' I get curious easily

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    • Exactly! I put a lot of time and effort into writing my page so that I give enough for a guy to ask questions and learn more about me, but not so much that he thinks he already knows everything. Does that make sense? lol.

    • Yes it does

      That moment when a girl says 'hey how are you' that I'm like 'You should know better, you get this boring message all the time'

  • I think when one can't send say lot more about them self on dating sites are usually spamming you or be bots that work for the site or they aren't interested in something real.

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  • Hey there beautiful tell me about yourself send a note to 68311samuel@gmail I do want to learn about you

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  • I'd love to write you much more than just hi. I have no qualms about any subject you want. I love intimate questions and/ or use skills I learned when writing porn for women, I did so professionally in Chicago a few years ago.

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  • Just dismiss them, if you have other messages worth your time.
    In your profile, write: please say something substantial if you decide to contact me, I respond to (all?) thoughtful correspondences.

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  • The voice of a stranger... echoes in my mind.

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  • Basically you should not be ugly.

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  • show your boobs. then they'll say "hi, nice boobs."

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  • It's simple... write back and the conversation will start.

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  • I've never known of a simple "Hi" as being offensive.

    Usually that is how you start a conversation, then the more interesting things are shared through getting to know each other.

    I was brought up to address the other person before going on with the conversation.

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    • It's a little offensive when you put information about yourself up for someone to determine if they're interested, but they don't use that info to ask questions and learn more about you.

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    • It's a bit unnatural to me to jump right into it as if you are speed dating though.

      I need to gauge if the person is friendly before I'll feel motivated to pursue them, and a good test for that is if they won't even tolerate my method of contacting them.

    • I understand where you're coming from, but the point of posting information on a dating site is to make it easier for people to have a conversation with each other. I'd be more tolerant of the "Hi" messages if they didn't always lead to the guy asking questions I already wrote about on my page.

  • You reply "hi" or "how's it going, etc... The reason why people use "hi" most often is that it's non threatening. It's not a pickup line or an insult or whatever, they're just simply trying to get your attention in a positive manner, all you do is say hi back, that's what they're looking for

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    • I've tried responding to a few like that but it goes absolutely nowhere, or they ask me questions I've already answered in my profile. It's like all the effort I put into writing about myself to share info and help others determin if they're interested is pointless.

    • They're checkin to make sure you're being truthful, that's why I do. Ya know? Lots of people post wrong ages on here, then when I ask them they confirm its wrong. That's why we do it, we just want I be safe, so, we ask about it

  • Write it in your bio that you will not respond to messages that only pertain the word "Hi."

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    • I did that, but it hasn't made any difference. And it's at the very bottom of it, so it would make it obvious if the guy read it all or not. My profile isn't very long to read either. I think it's a fair request.

What Girls Said 1

  • Omg! I posted a very similar topic not too long ago titled why are guys so lame at their texting skills!! It's true, how do they expect to get a convo going with "what's up?" Or "hey".

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