Why aren't men allowed to be lonely?

It seems that if a guy is lonely and complains about his situation, he's told he's entitled, secretly a docuhebag, pathetic, etc. but when a woman complains about her loneliness she's told how she'll find someone, how she's perfect, how it's men's fault, etc. even if she's, I dunno, a morbidly obese sociopath with hallucinations. Why is that?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think men are entitled to be lonely! You guys have emotions, let them fly free :)

    If any guys reading this are lonely right now you should all know you're great, we all get lonely sometimes, things will get better and you are perfectly allowed to feel **** about being on your own. What works for girls also works for guys by the way, get yourself a big tub of ice cream and a film, and then vow to take up a class or something where you'll meet new people.

    Anyone who tells you to man up or anything nasty that devalues your feelings can go stand on lego barefoot.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's two things going on here I think...

    1) The guy being alone and lonely isn't the issue that people dislike or judge... it's him complaining or pouting about it. Nobody likes complainers or people who feel sorry for themselves.

    2) Women have stronger support system then men. You gals grow up gossiping and sharing feelings and connecting. It's what you do.. maybe it's hormonal since you lack high levels of testosterone. Because with us guys it's the opposite... we prefer fighting and competing and challenging each other.

    As men we support each other by teasing and poking and challenging. Perhaps this is unhealthy, I have no idea.

    3) There's an unspoken understanding about men and women in the world of dating... it's the man's job to take all the risks of rejection and therefore it's his "job" to approach women and ask them out, and to lead the interaction. It's the man's "job" to take action, sorta speak. While it's the woman's "job" to be approachable and pretty and tempting, like a flower. Which feels more "passive" I guess.

    And so when a guy is single it can easily be assumed that he's simply not getting off his ass and talking to enough women. And when a woman's single it can be assumed that she simply doesn't measure up enough for men to approach her.

    Of course both of these assumptions are likely inaccurate and false... I'm just telling you what I think is going on.

    Does that make sense or am I way off?

    ~ Robby

    (My blog http://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/ )

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What Girls Said 12

  • Why aren't men allowed to be lonely?
    Men are allowed to be lonely if anything society seems to praise and encourage it as gals are portrayed as irresponsible children, golddiggers, sluts unworthy of commitment, or nags.

    It seems more like some people dislike when men lament about being lonely by blaming gals acting as if being nice entitles them to the gal of their choosing. Some people dislike when guys rant and rage on gals for choosing to not date/fuck him.

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    • I think this is due to being in a generation raised by women. when young men are told their whole life that being nice does get you a decent women then what will you expect. when you realize you have been lied too you entire life then its understandable that men get angry.

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    • well this is what my mother taught me and its a similar complaint had by many on the internet. I think the single mother trend is to blame for this in large part.

    • I highly doubt your mother taught you that you only had to be nice. More likely you heard what you wanted to hear.

  • I don't know. Usually when a guy says he's lonely on here I offer him the same advice I would offer a woman. I say that they will find someone eventually and to just keep busy in the meantime.

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  • Who even told you it's not allowed for men to be lonely? This "society" we're all talking about? You set your own standards. If you feel loney and you're a guy, no one can really tell you not to.

    Men are expected to set an example of toughness and staying cool under any circumstances, but you'll find that it's slowly changing. Men are more allowed to show their sensitive side as of late, and that will only increase with time.

    Everyone is allowed to be lonely, and everyone's loneliness deserves to be reckoned, regardless of having a vagina or not. :)

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  • it the whole sexist gender role double standard. women are supposedly all sweet and pure and innocent and what not, while men are expected to attract them and have their way with them and what not. which is all absolute bullshit stereotyping. that stuffs just not true, and people are becoming much more liberal about gender roles. i don't think it's pathetic for a guy to be single, it just means he hasn't found the lady he's looking for yet.

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  • I don't know why society does that. I know it happens--but personally, I love it when my man comes to me and tells me how he feels.

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    • It shows that he trusts you and is really close to you I think. I'd like my future girlfriend to tell me those things too, it gets us even closer

  • I've never heard anyone make fun of or say those things about a lonely guy?

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  • I don't know, personally, i think it is okay for a guy to be lonely. I mean, men and women are capable of feeling the same emotions xD Maybe when guys say they are lonely, girls think you are just seeking after sexual things, not that it's true. But maybe that's what people think.

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  • I guess it's always going back to sexist. I don't know, i've never said that to a man. I treat both men and women equally. I have friends of different gender and i give them the same advice. I always encourage them.

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  • Two plausible reasons:

    A. Because the guy continually talks about it, but doesn't want to change anything.
    Or
    B. The girlfriend is not yet a woman (no matter her age), and doesn't know how to be supportive in a relationship.

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    • Granted, with reason A (at least from my experience), girls do the exact same thing but receive more support.

  • Because it's an unfair double standard, who knows how all this bullshit started.

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  • Oh trust me. It's just as annoying coming from a woman. It's best to tell both to suck it up.

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  • Because if they are lonely they need to come here and let me love them <3

    In seriousness, because of sexism. Society considers it shameful to be feminine. Expressing emotions is seen as feminine, and therefore men are degraded for it.

    However, if someone is called entitled, it could well be because they're saying people who have politely turned them down romantically are at fault. Rejection sucks, it hurts and if it happens to you you deserve sympathy and to feel better. But if someone is simply not attracted to you, then that isn't their fault; nobody owes it to you to go out with you or have sex with you

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    • I agree with everything you said about the shameful part. What are you talking about? I love it when women are truly feminine, and I don't really see women being shamed for being feminine. That sounds insane. Many people are starting to wake up these days to how guys are also victims of double standards, and your post as well as OP's are a good start.

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    • BAHAHAHAHA this cutie doe.. got ma heart race from Heaven to Hell. Juz can't stop LUVin' this Asian babez 👄💋

    • ... I feel like you may be commenting that in the wrong comment section or something..

What Guys Said 28

  • It's usually men's fault. Tell that to a bunch of guy and many will say you're gay.
    It's pathetic how something as natural as emotions have to be repressed in order for people to accept you.
    That's why women tend to be more happy and mentally stable, because they're in touch with their emotions, they let things out and that's healthy. The more you try to hide your emotions, the worse it'll be.

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    • Of course a woman downvoted this. Only women can be victims of double standards, according to Tumblr and Reddit.

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    • Absolutely. I can't understand how some people deny the very subtle and sometimes in your face man-hating here, as well as claiming that only women have problems. This site would make any young, sensitive male newcomer to the Internet feel like shit just because he has a dick.

    • @RandomUsername3464 it's not like that on every post but if anyone sticks around long enough they'll find something to feel like shit about: gender, sexuality, race, religion, looks etc. I'd say tumblr is worse than this place and this place is worse than reddit.

  • Socity bro

    Also horemones too

    For example women have a lot more oxytocin triggers that flood their brains with the need to feel 'loved' and 'cuddles' all that, even though us men get it we don't have as much of a reaction to it

    Socity makes out men to be emotionless (which goes against humans, because humans are very in touch with their emotions) and when a guy shows emotion.. For example crying.. At a very early age he gets told by socity to 'stop being a girl' or 'be a man'

    Weird.. Famous men can sing about love and basically be a woman and yet.. No one cares.. Everyother none famous guy does it.. He's a bitch

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  • a lot of guys have a standard of what it means to be a man. And sitting around and sulking over feeling lonely isn't included in that description. It sucks to feel like you can't vent, but at the same time. As a man I don't think you should sit around complaining to anyone who will listen. Usually the guys who do this are drunk or failing in more areas in their life than just relationships.

    Doesn't sound pretty, but if you're not doing anything to make it better then you gotta toughen up. It's life.

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  • Feminism and the double standard. A single man will always be better off on his own than a single woman. He can fix things, he can go out, sleep around, and watch football; if the toilet won't stop running a woman is going to have to call a man to come and fix it because she doesn't know shit about physics let alone fixing things. She wants a meal but doesn't want to pay for it all she has to do is call up a man and go on a date with someone she has no interest in and gets a meal 10X better than whatever she would have gotten. The trick here is that we subconsciously know that women can't handle the fact that their being single is far more pathetic than a man's being single so we do everything and more to make sure that they are happy with whatever situation they're in.

    Pretty soon we'll start seeing "Yes even women on crack" shit to make women feel empowered when really they should feel like children until they figure out how to do the simple shit it takes to be a person.

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  • its really not that pathetic man

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    • oh okay "complaining about your situation", that's a little different.

      if a guy was literally just single that's normal af

  • Being single is not pathetic or something, people who talk like that should be outright ignored.

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  • Because women are victims, and men are horrible, monstrous, oppressing, controlling pigs.

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  • Because society still accpets gender stereotypes, even though everywhere people argue otherwise. A man is supposed to be strong, so he cannot show weakness. A woman is supposed to be taken care of, so it's men's fault if there is noone around to take care of her.

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  • Society is full of double standards. In some ways, men are still somewhat expected to embody the strong, silent archetype, while women are expected to be more emotional. The reality is that most of us (M/F) fall somewhere in between. That hasn't stopped people from having unrealistic expectations of what a man/woman should be, however.

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  • It's not the lonely part that anybody cares about, it's the complaining about it that is the issue. It's because women don't have it as hard in sex and love as men do generally. They also don't have testosterone. Mix these two up and men have a mountain to climb, but to a girl, they see it as a guy complaining about a molehill. To me though, if a guy can't find love, what does he find? I think it's damn important, if not thee most important thing to get.

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  • Do you really want to be lonely? I think the people who are insulting you are actually trying to help you change into a more sociable person. It's not fun being lonely. I think people should be encouraged to be more social. I think that's why this site was made, to help people like you and I learn to express our thoughts and feelings to others.

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  • Story of my life... Probably because women have babies so only they matter in society.

    When scientists create test tube babies then women being alone will be more common and nobody will care.

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  • A result of ignorance/superficial understanding. "Haters be hating" is the term used by today's kids, I believe.

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  • Wow. I've never been insulted for it, and I've been lonely for years... I don't talk about it much, though. :/

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  • This isn't how it's been with me, but then again I don't really talk about it. How am I supposed to talk about it anyway?

    http://i.imgur.com/KSNN3oL.png

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  • Men that are alone tend to be worthless beta male pussies. If they can't get a woman it's their own fault: they just need to man the fuck up or settle for a fatty.

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  • Hmm It's the first time I hear this

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  • You have my permission

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  • It's really frustrating to hear these lines from a friend or anyone again and again

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  • Cause they think that a women will just drop out of thin air which isn't the case

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  • Wtf r u talking about? This question doesn't make much sense

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  • It's not good for men to be lonely...

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  • It's because women are stupid bitches.

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  • My guess it's just society's hypocrisy, I get it a lot as a guy with not really any friends after mine dropped me after I was critically injured, I suppose it's like "Oh you're a guy deal with it girls are precious diamonds you need to do everything for a girl and if you're a loser we don't want anything to do with you" sort of thing.

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  • Mainly societal expectations, I suppose. I see a big difference between being alone and being lonely; someone can be in a relationship and feel lonely.

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  • The real question is why are you worried about what people think... Personally I don't give a f... You should do the same... They don't pay your bills and most importantly they don't care bout you... There you go..

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  • double standards baby. men are considered pathetic if they are not validated through pussy. by women too.

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