Why do girls hate intellectuals?

Maybe this isn't fair being I'm in high school, but why do girls hate intellectuals? It's almost like they love being treated like garbage by some stupid jock and love breaking the hearts of guys who are actually going to college X-X (sorry if this seems like I'm stereotyping or ranting but this is my experience on multiple occassions)

Updates:
Ok, a few additional notes:
No, I am not arrogant. I'm confident, charismatic, and have a lot of different traits. Sorry if it seems like I oversimplified the problem but part of the purpose of this question was to be a sort of social media experiment to see how people would respond to this. Furthermore, I am very happy to see how much debate has occurred because of this question. Please continue, it's very interesting!

This is not to say this hasn't all happened to me.
I have been rejected and dumped by even other intellectual girls because they were too superficial.

I also associate the work "jock" with "jerk" because they have been synonymous in my opinion, so let me eliminate the extremes that have people getting their underwear in a twist. No *all* jocks are selfish jerks that don't care where they end up and are dirt-dumb. Not all intellectuals are charismatic leaders that are kind, friendly, and nice to all. But speaking generally, what do you think?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • In high school, I don't think intellectual is appreciated that much, because it's probably not understood by most your age. A lot of people just see high school as a time to have fun and not be so serious about futures until applying for college. You'll be appreciated more after high school and the appreciation will skyrocket towards the end of college/after college years.

    Still, in most settings, I actually think intellectuals need to make sure to balance their intellectual qualities with other warmer qualities like friendliness, sensitivity, good sense of humor, good conversationalist, sweetness, good people person,, etc. Alone it honestly just comes across as intimidating and often seems to involve some social awkwardness, and for a high school girl especially, it doesn't really satisfy her needs or desires.

    It's not your fault, you probably are a good person and your intellectual mind will change the world one day, but if you are facing a lot of rejection, either the girl isn't right for you, the girl isn't worth it and just plain sucks... she'll miss out on something special so it's good not to waste your time on her, or you've gotta look at something about yourself you can tweak a little without changing who you are. Girls and guys have to compromise a little for each other in order to attract. I would say girls have to be willing to put in extra in their appearance to attract..

    Things definitely change a lot after high school though. Infatuations are put on the pedestal less often, and the bad boy craze transforms into the desire to just be with a good guy. Hang in there, high school is rough... surround yourself in atmospheres of good people (a club dedicated to volunteering or your interests), and maybe you'll find a gem who's got the right maturity for you from the start :)

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    • Thanks, I hope my insight will help you. Take care

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    • @Mesonfielde

      yeah for someone that doesn't have them already.

    • @Gommers I don't see how having a high IQ or being an intellectual alone especially after high school and college hurt you. Is there more to it?

What Girls Said 23

  • #generalisation278 i'll just take this as a rant. all good, let it out. u know we aren't all like that.

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    • @justbanannaz do you really log these generalizations? Or are you just pulling out a random number? I always wondered lol.

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    • im not sure y y'all r so concerned with my methods of policing. :P @aledeeurope @northeast106 @gommers

    • Some people say that things were very different for them. And good for them! But what the author is talking about is the situation in the average American public secondary school, and even a good many private ones.

      The scary thing is, the schools I went to were probably above average and upper middle class. I can only shudder at how much worse the lower class schools were in these respects.

  • You're an "intellectual", I take it?
    And you haven't gotten a girlfriend, therefore the only reasonable explanation is that girls find intelligence unattractive.
    You're nice and can't get a girlfriend, so the only explanation is that girls want to be treated like shit.

    Do you see the issue with that logic?

    Firstly, you're in high school. Most people in high school are more concerned with superficial things, period. Young teens don't seem to care for deep and thoughtful conversation or intellectual pursuits, but that's not to say all high schoolers are that way.
    I could easily turn this around and say it seems as if you're only looking at the very attractive, bubbly popular girls instead of the "geeky" ones who would suit you far better, but I understand that attraction and desire isn't a choice.

    Girls generally find intelligence attractive.
    It may not be the #1 thing high school girls look for, though.
    But anyway, I have a feeling your social skills are lacking, and you're probably awful with girls. Maybe you don't present yourself well either. These are things you can work on.

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    • Can they really? The main reason nerds are unpopular is that they have other things to think about. Their attention is drawn to books or the natural world, not fashions and parties. They're like someone trying to play soccer while balancing a glass of water on his head. Other players who can focus their whole attention on the game beat them effortlessly, and wonder why they seem so incapable.

      Even if nerds cared as much as other kids about popularity, being popular would be more work for them. The popular kids learned to be popular, and to want to be popular, the same way the nerds learned to be smart, and to want to be smart: from their parents. While the nerds were being trained to get the right answers, the popular kids were being trained to please.

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    • @curudgeon I didn't tell the asker to try to become popular. That isn't the same thing as improving social skills.

  • It's high school, that's why. Most girls in HS want to date the hottest and most popular guys in school regardless of their intelligence level. It's the same with the guys - most want the hottest girls.

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  • You're a baby child. People are too busy with the here and now and the excitement of finding out they have genitalia to be worried with their actual brains at your age :p

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  • Trust me as time goes on they will learn a hard lesson from choosing the wrong type of guy and as they mature, the intellectuals become far more appealing! 100%. Also I think they should date a few jerks first because then they learn to appreciate a good relationship when it happens.

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  • I do not really hate. I like them. BUT sometimes;
    Intellectuals can have super massive egos. That; I do not like

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    • We have egos to match our value. Not arrogance, that's what you get with the losers you probably date.

    • Arrogance doesn't make kids unpopular. The jocks in so many schools were plenty arrogant, and it didn't harm their popularity.

  • I'm definitely fond of intelligent guys, but they also have to be "normal" and "down-to-earth". There are some smart guys who are very kind but they just are socially inept and that's a turn-off. Also, some smart guys can be introverted and have a hard time conversing with people. Again, this is NOT for EVERY SMART GUY OUT THERE. I love guys who are the total package: smart, kind, respectful, funny, a good personality, and throw in looks for a bonus.

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  • Because you call yourself Intellectuals.

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    • Arrogance doesn't make kids unpopular. The jocks in so many schools were plenty arrogant, and it didn't harm their popularity.

    • @curmudgeon arrogant kids who think they're better than the plebs aren't popular though.

  • Try women. We older mature females love intellectuals.

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    • I don't think that's true at all. Most intellectual guys struggle to connect with women even more after college.

    • The "Cougar" appeal succinctly explained.

  • Guys who generally define themselves as "intellectual" are arrogant and mostly bad company, in my own personal experience. What I've learned in my 2 years in high school is that jocks don't correlate with horrible personality - some cases yes, but not all. This isn't a high school movie where the jocks are bullies who relentlessly bully smart people, not at my school at least. Also, the "jocks" aren't as numb headed as I would've originally thought. In fact most of them are incredibly incredibly smart. Though my friend group and guys I'm attracted to are generally dorks - who don't call themselves "intellectual" people or look down on others based on stereotypes. But also I find that most

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    • - bleh pressed send too early. Ignore that entire last attempted sentence.

  • I'mi I soppose an intellectual. II like guys who have brain power. Jocks are just annoying!! I mean, think dude!! So, not all women are stupid and go for the stero types jock. Our schools not very stereo typed though so...

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  • Personally, I would much prefer to be in a relationship with an intellectual than with a self-obsessed jock. Don't worry because there are other girls out there like myself who want substance in a partner, we're just harder to find! ;)

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  • In high school is dorky and uncool but you'll find when you meet woman later in life, they'll appreciate your thirst for knowledge and stimulating conversation.

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  • dude. I know someone whos smart as fuck, got a 4.0 in high school and is going to college and he's the biggest piece of shit ever.
    Girls like guys who are similar to their dad.

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  • www.psychologytoday.com/.../why-do-women-fall-bad-boys

    Personally im a sapoisexual looks are just a plus bad boys add more fun just like when somone tells you no makes you want it more even if you know you shouldnt/ can't have it

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    • PsychologyToday is a useless psychology source. Has been since it became web based.

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    • But are you really? In my school, it was cool to be a *certain* kind of outsider, but *not* a nerd intellectual. A guy who was tall and broad shouldered who dressed weirdly as a sign of rebellion was cool. A guy who was small with a receding chin and big glasses who dressed weirdly because his mom picked out his clothes was not. I expect this is still true today.

    • Its not cool its just attractive my boyfriend is a super nerd doesn't dress like the others no into fashion he isn't rebellious I call him my nerd charming not everyone is the same

  • to be honest, in my opinion it's because theyre physically attractive and especially in high school relationships are shallow.. guys and girls go for the popular good looking people because they aren't looking for commitment. but kindness and intelligence is always a big turn on no matter what

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  • I find it hot when guys are smart but I also like when they're athletic and other things. And just because they play sports doesn't mean they're are the stereotypical "jock". Girls like guys that are well rounded.

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    • Smart kids don't necessarily turn into nerds. If you're good looking, a natural athlete, or the sibling of a popular kid, you'll automatically be popular. But most popular kids don't get that kind of free ride. They have to work at being popular. And if you're interested in, say, physics, you won't have the time to spare.

      I also think girls are less likely to become nerds than boys of equal intelligence, possibly because they're more sensitive to social pressures. In my school, at least, girls made more of an effort to conform than boys.

  • Not at all... I find intelligence to be very sexy

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    • Oh yeah what's your value to an intellectual?

    • @Gommers lol I'm at college myself studying pharmacy. Intellect is very important to me I find it attractive... Actually I don't think I've ever been into any one who wasn't the slightest bit intellectual so for me intelligence is important when it comes to a boyfriend.

  • I don't. I like intellectuals. And most people in High School care more about making out and/or sex.

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    • (Disclamer, I'm not saying everyone in high school is, it's just what I noticed the most among my classmates.)

  • I'm a 17 year old girl and honestly I have a hard time being attracted to anyone that I can't keep an intellectual conversation with. I find it a massive turn on and I can not stand guys who think they can treat girls like garbage and can't hold a decent conversation. I guess it just depends on the girl :)

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  • ~We think in generalities, but we live in detail. Alfred North Whitehead~

    Your intellect doesn't solely dictate your chance at dating. Your appearance, personality, conversational & social skills matter more.

    So be honest, if you were a girl would you date you?

    Are you happy with yourself?
    Do you have a positive attitude & outlook on life?
    Do you take care of your hygiene, grooming, & clothing?
    Are you able to hold a conversation over multiple topics about things outside of what you find interesting?

    If you answered no to the majority of these questions you need to focus on building yourself & personality. Loving yourself, possessing a positive personality, and conversing with interesting topics & humor, will create a welcoming atmosphere, and people will naturally gravitate to you. You cannot love someone without first loving yourself.

    Fashionable Styles for the Gents
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a9236-fashionable-styles-for-the-gents

    Try to match his confidence, charisma, hygiene, & the way he handled rejection:
    https://youtu.be/HLZqsx9wua8

    Avoid the "Nice Guy" syndrome:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22013-why-nice-guys-girls-are-not-really-nice

    Nice take on chilvary:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a21871-chivalry-why-men-should-hold-onto-it-not-because-of-norms-made-by

    Also, ask yourself, "Do I really like this girl to date her or do I just want to sleep with her or am I just tired of being alone?"

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    • "Are you happy with yourself?
      Do you have a positive attitude & outlook on life?"

      The problem here is that constantly tormented youngster in school can't help but answer "no" to those two questions...

    • @Curmudgeon

      Wrong, some people do not allow what happens at school control the rest of their life. You still have your home life, friends, organizations, coworkers, or friends online & even if you still feel alone you have yourself. Learn to love yourself first.

  • "Intellectuals" are not smarter than "dumb jocks". They are neurotic, socially incompetent guys who invest everything into sounding smart, because their social skill is zero. They are too sensitive and emasculated, they think honesty means "treating a girl like shit". They don't understand first thing about speaking to a woman, seducing a woman, leading a woman to attract her. Talking to them is handling little kids.

    They may do well in school as it's their only source of pride, may memorize lots of data so they can "sound smart" by throwing out random pieces of knowledge and well thought out wisdom, but when you engage a "jock" and an "intellectual" in back and forth conversations, more than half the time, jocks are actually more intelligent out of the two. Many C student jocks used to cream all the A student intellectuals in chess in my high school as well, which also shows difference in IQ. They are more reasonable, logical, quick thinking and able to maneuver common sense. Those are the most competent guys in life in general and the "intellectuals" end up working for those C student "jocks" in the end more than not.

    It is true that jocks tend not to hang their purpose on learning lots so they can end up lazy and more ignorant on particular topics, but they are usually humble enough to say "I don't know" unlike douchebag intellectuals who try to sound smart so hard that they can't state a simple truth anymore, but persistently bullshit everyone sounding like politicians, even if they have nothing to say. I much prefer jock humility and bluntness to that silly nonsense.

    And now in college, 2 former jocks are best guys in my year because they turned it around and actually care about earning well.

    Conclusion: You're not smarter, only socially incompetent and overcompensating, annoying everyone in the process.
    Here is how social competence in men works and WHY on the most basic level, jocks are more liked in the form of a video:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Fj8JkfhP4

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    • Also relize I do acknowledge there are pee-brain jocks and lots of smart "intellectuals" who only look so annoying due to social incompetence, but I am speaking from a perspective past high chool age when jocks and "intellectuals" I know establish themselves as adults, form opinions and present themselves as mature men. This is when it really shows what they're really worth and trust me, a jock with a working man's salary is worth hell a lot more to a woman as a man, than an "intellectual" with all the titles, prestige and knowledge, who may as well be a woman in that relationship because he can't speak up, take responsibility, or lead for shit.
      I'd rather share a trailer with a MAN I can love, respect and that I desire to fuck, then I would ever stand behind a big bang theory fag.

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    • @R3d_Anonymous Just a spammer

    • I am a girl, I am not a spammer, I am telling the truth and anyone who can observe it, or live it can verify it's so very easily. And of course emasculated males will disagree with me. They don't like hearing they're emasculated.

What Guys Said 23

  • mh, the girls I went to school with were definitely not the brightest.
    They didn't like me, and I didn't like them.

    A "mistake" intelligent people often make is talking to other at "their level" - if you use words no one else uses, alleviated vocabulary, I know it's nothing special for you, but others will think you are trying to stand above them - avoid this

    Another mistake is talking about "your topics" - intelligent people care about things most don't care or have any interest in, American history for example or physics - you can't talk about the things you enjoy talking about with them

    Also, intelligent people tend to skip thoughts others would utter, instead they take it for granted that the other person will understand them - which is not the case

    What I' trying to say is, it's unlikely that you'll be on the same page with any of them.
    You can try to talk about their "things" on "their level" , but again, it's unlikely that you'll genuinely enjoy being around them - you'll notice that you're out of place kind of :/

    The smarter you are, the sadder you get...

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  • Because it is really really hard to be liked when you are getting A+ on all your studies and everyone else couldn't even understand half of the course.

    Jocks and athletics (and rich) guys tend to stand out a lot more. Girls like muscles and gentleness when they are in their teens because of how their hormones work (also primary reason why they like horses). They are also naturally attracted to confidence and status. This is as nature intended. Really really smart guys get over it quick. Some-what smart guys suffer.

    Over time, they focus more on money (as they begin to realize how important it is when they have to pay the bills) so the guys who make money is more important than the leech who ask them for money.

    Being intellectual is just 'ok'. Making use of your intellect and got something of it is 'intelligent'. Intelligent people are extremely attractive.

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  • Simple. Intellectuals are almost always in their head. They worry too much about things, especially involving social interactions. They worry if they'll fit in, if they're liked, if they might offend someone. This tends to project an inauthentic behavior where one tries to just fit in instead of being themselves, projecting some levels of neediness with their feelings of awkwardness that's projected onto others.

    Intellectuals need to stop thinking inside their head so much, because logic in conversation isn't nearly as important as being amusing (especially to yourself.)

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  • There is a difference in being smart (and cognizant of that fact) and masturbating to logical conundrums in the hopes of "being cool."

    Girls in high school are learning about themselves and their own likes/dislikes insofar as which their sexuality is concerned. Basal attraction starts with the physical, not with the intellectual, which is why "jocks" tend to be a focus. I wouldn't worry about dating in high school and most of the time, they never amount to anything substantial.

    My advice is to start working on yourself at the moment and continuing to build upon your strengths and learning to use them in new ways. The social dynamic of being an adult is not too far from that of high school, the difference being that there are consequences to one's actions that cannot be swept aside as mere "teenage immaturity."

    So start building now and stay ahead of the game. It will pay off the moment you graduate from high school, I can promise you that.

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  • Most people who identify as intellectuals are abstract thinkers, N-types in the MBTI universe. Based on research, N types are no more than about 10-15% of the population. This means that up to 90% of girls will not share your cast of mind. Most people are very concrete in their thinking, which is why their conversations seem so banal and interminably boring to intellectual types. But those conversations aren't boring to them because they aren't like you... which is why it's so hard to meet girls as an intellectual. Concrete-minded girls naturally misunderstand intellectual guys, and people always revile what they don't understand.

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  • Maybe intellectuals think they are superior to the rest of the people. I noticed this with my parents which are intellectuals but they just push people away because they are not at their "level".

    And sometimes there is a lot of stigma against smart people in college especially if you are smarter than the average person significantly. You need to work here a bit and earn their trust and not get angry and resentful if they judge you badly. Just act chill and have fun and they will start to like you.

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  • A good essay on this:

    http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html

    And the author's Follow-Up:

    http://www.paulgraham.com/renerds.html

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  • Sadly, the majority of students in high school don't appreciate intellectualism at all; too busy braising in immaturity.

    The key is to sniff out those intellectual groups and seeking out those gals.

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  • I haven't seen every girl go for "bad boys" and "dumb jocks" since the last 80s movie I watched. Seriously people, girls aren't like that anymore.

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  • I think it's just that non intellectuals find intellectuals tedious...

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    • How can you avoid seeming tedious then?

  • In high school all that matters to girls is sexual attraction. Even the innocent ones.

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  • In high school, people are not interested in being smart.

    At least in higher education, there are groups of people that are less about partying all day every day.

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  • They don't, they hate annoying know it alls. Nobody dislikes intellectuals, but nerds, they are the worst. The difference is in how they display their intelligence. Girls actually like smart guys, cause their not boring. Smart guys are funny, creative, spontaneous, good at sex and usually very successful. (im talking about actually smart people, not lame college kids). Smarts indicate good genes and a higher survivability.

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  • Kids in HS aren't too bright.
    Enjoy HS, get good grades and worry about college.

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    • The problem with this is, subject to constant torment, how can he enjoy high school? At best, it is something he suffers through while biding his time.

    • @Curmudgeon then get good grades and get out.
      HS is bullshit. Real life begins after that.

    • I couldn't agree more! If author can test out early, he should!

  • yeah probably because intellectuals are too logical and think less with emotions on the other hand women are generally emotional creatures, and logical conversations are not the best way to create attraction with them

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  • Girls love intelligent people once they get to about 21 until then they are basically wanting the "unsafe" option they are rebelling against their parents, so therefore they are gonna want the opposite of what their parents would approve of

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  • Maybe because you're not good with women and aren't as smart as you think?

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  • Because they are girls, nuff said.

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  • Dude, I'm in college right now, and I get mad pussy. Your time will come, li'l man.

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  • very true.

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  • Girls in high school are immature and just want the hot popular guy. There are some that aren't like that but that's the vast majority.

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  • What? If you are self-consciously, arrogantly intellectual or have a pretentious, inflated idea of your intelligence they, and most everyone else will avoid you. If you are down to earth, good natured and secure, intelligence is one of the best traits you can have. It's only drawback is a lot of women will feel intimidated if you are too much smarter than them.

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  • Hahaha awww. High school. Oh how I hated high school. Stay in there soldier. It'll pay off. Chicks are immature in high school and sometimes even outside of it.

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    • Thanks man. I've had my heart broken a lot so far. It's just driving me nuts is all. Seeing the same girls that rejected me running after the a-holes that don't care about them.

    • Yeah I know that feeling. I know exactly how you feel.

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