Hey everyone, just looking for some opinions..
I've been dating this woman for the last couple months and things got serious quite fast. When we're together things are great but she does have a somewhat sordid past and told me when we first started dating that she had no interest in ever getting married or having children. After the first month, she has changed her mind about those two things and told me I was the first guy she could actually see that kind of a future with. Great.
Since then she's been really open with me about all the things from her past. Nothing I was too uncomfortable with at the time she told me. She did, however, tell me that she cheated in her last relationship of 10+ months because she wasn't getting enough sex. Fine. What bothered me wasn't that she cheated, because the guy she was with was no prince charming, but that in the way she told me about it she sounded like cheating was justified and she didn't seem to feel sorry she did it.
I know 'cheaters will always cheat' isn't always the truth but what does bother me is that she 'gave up' on repairing that relationship and opted to cheat.. If I'm going to have a future with someone, I'd like to trust the person I'm with will go as far as me to fix things when things get hard. She's also still friends with a fair amount of guys she's dated and hooked up with over the years. That didn't bother me at first but now knowing she isn't above cheating just for sex, it gives me pause.
I told her my concern about it and that I need space this week to think. I told her I'd talk to her once I've had time to sort it out.
What do you guys think?
Most Helpful Girl
I didn't think that I could continue my relationship with my boyfriend when I four d out about his cheating past. He came right out and told me that he had cheated on every girlfriend he ever had. For a long time I had trust issues because of this, but decided to continue my relationship because I fell for him quickly and couldn't imagine my life without him. I have now been with him for four years and he has not cheated on me once. This is also his longest relationship, and it is mine as well. Given my experience, I believe that some people can change. Him and I have had rough patches but he has never given up on me and he has always worked with me throughout all of our hardships. I would give her a chance, if I was in your situation. It will be hard at first for you to get over the cheating that she has done within her past, but it is her past. You are her possible future. And everything can change for the better. Stay positive and honest with her and if she respects you than she will do the same. Best of luck.3
Most Helpful Guy
I personally wouldn't risk it no matter how nice she seems otherwise. Being the type of person to cheat over not enough sex is a serious red flag, all that says to me is that she won't work to fix problems in a relationship and that she can't control her sexual urges. The fact that she doesn't feel guilty about it either would have put the nail in the coffin for me. Of course now you've told her that it's bothering you she's going to tell you that she regrets it and that she does feel guilty and she'll probably turn on the water works, again I wouldn't trust her. Then obviously she's friends with all the men she hooked up with, you can garuntee they'll try again at some point, I've had girlfriend who've told me this at the start of the relationship trying to assure me that nothing would happen with them and that I could trust them, almost every one of them did eventually do something with one of those men.
However if you ignore this and you continue on with her, make it clear that you expect things to be sorted or for her to leave before getting with anybody else.1